Life Starts Now
by Tap Dancin On A Land Mine
Summary: The Host Club is going to pieces, each Host coming apart at the seams and doing what they can to patch themselves up. The masks of composure fade, the world crumbles, and the Hosts must rebuild. The result isn't perfect, but they'll make it work in time.
1. This Afternoon

Hey! I'm co-writing this fanfic with LifelessStar, my best friend in the universe, so if you like it, give her some credit too. This is my first Ouran fanfic ever, and hers too. We're both INCREDIBLY excited to finally be putting it up; we've been working on it for a good year now. We hope you like it as much as we've like writing it (:

We don't own Ouran. Or else Renge proooobably would have fallen off that damn platform by now. Or it would have exploded...

This is going to be a **LONG** fanfic, by the way. Upwards of 30 chapters, some of them a little more than 4,000 words. Just letting you know what you're in for.

This story has a lot of songs in it. You know how in a movie there's always a song on that fits the situation perfectly? It's kind of like that. Only our songs are better (: or at least I like to think so. Songs are in italics.

We kind of cheated while writing this. We kind of combined aspects of the anime and the manga. It's mostly the anime, with bits and pieces of the manga thrown in here and there.

I think that's all my notes. Enjoy (:

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**___(_sorry, I lied. one more note. that means my notes are over _:)

"Ow," Tamaki mumbled. "Note to self. There's a door there."

Kyoya threw his head back and laughed. "Well, yes, Tamaki," he said. "There generally is a door at the entrance to a room."

"I thought it was open more than that," Tamaki said defensively. The twins joined in Kyoya's laughing.

Still smiling, Kyoya stepped forward to open Tamaki's bedroom door. "Why won't the door open the rest of the way?" Kyoya asked, annoyed, as he tried to shove the door open more than the few inches it already was.

"I got it," Tamaki sighed, frustrated. He moved Kyoya out of the way before throwing his whole weight onto the door. It gave way as the pile of clothes on the other side moved and Tamaki fell to the floor.

"Owww," he groaned, sitting up. Kyoya stepped in, laughing again, followed by Hunny, Mori, and the twins. "It's not funny. That really hurt."

"Are you okay, Tama-chan?" Hunny asked.

"Thank you for your concern, Hunny-senpai," Tamaki said.

"He's fine," Hikaru said. Tamaki shot him a playful glare.

"What happened to your room, Tamaki-senpai?" Kaoru asked. "It looks like something exploded."

"My dresser," Tamaki said. "I couldn't find my uniform shirt this morning."

"It was already out, wasn't it?" Kyoya said.

"...Maybe," Tamaki said. Kyoya smiled. Tamaki rolled his eyes and started gathering the pile of clothes by the door. He threw them on top of his dresser. "I'll fold them later," he mumbled.

"Why not just have the maids do it?" Hikaru asked.

"The maids don't come into Tamaki's room," Kyoya said, sitting in Tamaki's windowsill. "He asked them not to."

"Why?" Hunny asked, sitting on the floor. Mori took the chair at Tamaki's desk.

"They cleaned my room a few times," Tamaki said, throwing the last of his clothes onto the dresser. "When I first moved here. I had all my things where I wanted them, and when I came home from school, the maids had come through and I couldn't find anything. So I asked them not to come in here anymore."

Hikaru laughed. "Do we have a slight case of OCD, Boss?"

"Maybe a little," he said with a smile, taking a seat on the floor at Kyoya's feet.

"Hey, Tamaki, when's your grandmother coming?" Kaoru asked, sitting on the bed, next to Hikaru, who slipped his arms around his brother.

"Ahh, she's coming, don't remind me," Tamaki said.

Kyoya kicked him. "She'll be here in two weeks or so," he said to Kaoru.

"Or so," Hikaru repeated. "Hopefully that means longer."

Tamaki smiled. "My thoughts exactly."

"Where's Haru-chan?" Hunny asked, looking around and noting her absence. "Didn't she say she was coming?"

"She said she'll be here a little later," Hikaru said. "She had to help her dad with something, and then she'll head over here."

Hunny nodded.

"I was thinking about going to get her," Tamaki said. "Just so she won't have to walk. It's hot today."

"I don't think Haruhi would appreciate all of us showing up in front of her house again," Kyoya pointed out, remembering the amount of attention they attracted last time. "But you can go get her. We can stay here."

Tamaki looked up at him, smiling. "You know this house almost as well as I do now," he said. "Maybe better."

"Well, seeing as I remember where the doors are..." Kyoya said.

Tamaki rolled his eyes. "Will you guys be okay here without me for a bit?" he asked the others. There was a general murmur of consent. "Okay," Tamaki said, standing. "I'll be back in a few."

He stopped with his hand on the doorknob, turning to face them again. "My dad might get here before I come back," he said. "He's coming to pick something up. He knows you guys are here though. Kyoya, just tell him I ran out to get Haruhi."

Kyoya nodded and Tamaki headed out the door. He pulled out his cell phone as he headed down the stairs and dialed Haruhi's number. She was now listed on Tamaki's plan rather than the twins'.

She answered on the second ring. "Hey, Tamaki," she said brightly.

"Hey," Tamaki said.

"I'm about done here, I was just about to head out."

"Stay there," he said. "I'll come get you."

He could almost hear Haruhi's smile as she said, "Thank you, Tamaki."

He smiled too, just as audibly, as he reached the bottom of the stairs. "I'll see you soon."

"Should I get the limo ready?" one of the butlers asked.

"No thank you," Tamaki said. The butler nodded as Tamaki headed out to the garage. He hit the button on the garage door opener as he stepped into his car, a birthday present from his father. He plugged his iPod into the car's speakers and hit shuffle, smiling brightly when the first song started.

_I was fading last night, lost out in the cold, couldn't see the light. Then she opened up the door. I came in from the dark, fell into her arms just in time. And now I know that I can leave the past behind and let it go. You could tell me tonight that maybe the world would end. That the sun wouldn't rise and it was gonna rain again. Just as long as she's in my arms, it's gonna be a perfect day._

He hit pause and drove in silence, still smiling to himself. Haruhi's apartment was only a five-minute drive away. He pulled up in front of the apartment and cut the engine, getting out and heading to Haruhi's door. He rang the bell and stepped back, his hands in his pockets. Haruhi pulled the door open, smiling brightly up at her boyfriend. Tamaki smiled back, taking her in his arms. He kissed the top of her head as she pulled away.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

She nodded. "Bye, Dad," she called over her shoulder.

"Goodbye, Mr. Fujioka," Tamaki said.

"How many times have I told you, Tamaki?" said Haruhi's father as he walked into the room. "Ranka."

"Right," Tamaki said.

Haruhi walked over to her father and hugged him. "Have fun, Haruhi," he said.

"I will," Haruhi said.

"Tell the others I said hi," Ranka said. "It was nice to see you again, Tamaki."

"You too, Ranka," Tamaki said, smiling.

Tamaki and Haruhi headed out. He opened the car door for her, closing it after she got in. He got in himself and started the car, picking up his iPod and pressing play. Haruhi smiled as she listened.

_There's a look in her eyes that makes me feel alright, lights a perfect sky that I couldn't see before, that she helped me to find. Now that I've seen her shine, I know I'll never be alone. Now I know that I have love I can't deny, won't let it go. You could tell me tonight that maybe the world would end. That the sun wouldn't rise and it was gonna rain again. Just as long as she's in my arms, it's gonna be a perfect day. I think I lost you in another life, a part of me that I left behind. Don't want the world without you. And now I know that I have put the past behind. I let it go._

"You did that on purpose," she said.

Tamaki laughed. "Accidentally-on purpose," he admitted. "I didn't originally plan for that song, but it came on and I went with it."

"I like it," she said, smiling wider.

"I thought you might," Tamaki said, pulling away from the apartment. Then, thanks to the tank-top Haruhi had changed into, he noticed the large bruise on her arm. "What happened there?" he asked, concerned.

"Oh," she said. "A couple of those jerks from the basketball club."

"Was Takanaga there?" Tamaki asked, angry.

Haruhi nodded.

Tamaki scowled; hostility had grown between the two clubs lately, reminiscent of that they'd had with the football club a while back, and it was growing irksome. Their leader, Takanaga, was the worst of the bunch. He liked targets that were less likely to fight back, and, Tamaki was happy to say, Takanaga had learned the hard way that Hunny as not part of that group. Takanaga homed in, instead, on two others. Haruhi, as the honor student, was an easy target, as she was frequently alone, and few outside the Host Club and its customers were kind enough to defend a commoner. Kaoru, who had taken a sudden interest in books in the recent few weeks and made frequent trips alone to the library, was becoming another favorite of Takanaga's. Takanaga was noticing that Kaoru was much closer to his former, shier self when Hikaru was not around and avoided confrontation, giving the basketball club no opposition more than a scowl and occasionally a few words.

"So what did you have to help your dad with?" he asked, simply to change the topic.

"Nothing important," Haruhi said nonchalantly. "We were actually done a while ago, we were just talking."

"About...?"

"You mostly," she said. "He wanted to know what we were going to be doing, so I told him. He really does like you."

"I should hope so," Tamaki said. "I'd be in trouble if he didn't."

Haruhi smiled. "I hope you guys didn't do anything fun without me."

"I ran into a door," Tamaki said. "Does that count as fun?"

"Yes," Haruhi said. "Did you really?"

"Important safety note, Haruhi," Tamaki said. "Turn knob, open door, _then_ walk through. Not turn knob, walk through, then open door."

Haruhi laughed. "I wish I'd seen that," she said truthfully.

"I'm clumsy," Tamaki reasoned. "You just might get a replay."

Haruhi laughed. "You're adorable," she said.

"As are you," Tamaki said, smiling.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Okay. How was that? A little slow at first, I know. It picks up, I promise.

Anyway. Reviews? Anyone, anyone? Good ones or bad ones, I have little preference (although the little preference I have is, of course, for good ones if you have them). Just give me your thoughts. I like thoughts.

And if your thoughts are good, I would appreciate if you'd be so kind as to shoot a message to LifelessStar, my partner in crime (:

Songs in this chapter:

_Perfect Day_ by Clay Aiken


	2. Lie

Chapter 2! Yay!

Okay, so when I originally posted this chapter I hadn't started this yet, but all the chapters now have titles! And they're song titles, to tie in with my whole music theme; I went through the story and found a song that worked with the overall tone of the chapter and used that (: The first chapter was _This Afternoon_ by Nickelback (only without the drugs) and this chapter is _Lie_ by David Cook.

I still do not own Ouran. If I did, I wouldn't be writing FanFictions, now would I?

Okay since one of theses comes up in this chapter, I'll explain:  
><em><strong>XxXxX<strong>_ = Shift in focus character

_**XxX **_= time elapse (less than one day)

_**XxXxXxXxXxX **_= time elapse (more than one day)

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

It was approaching nine o' clock, and only Haruhi and Kyoya remained at Tamaki's house with him. Tamaki and Haruhi were sitting on the bed, Kyoya in the windowsill, which he had not left once since arriving. A comfortable silence had fallen among the three.

Tamaki stared at Haruhi for a moment before asking, "Haruhi what are you thinking about?"

"Why do you always want to know what I'm thinking?" Haruhi asked with a playfully irritated smirk.

"Because that mind of yours fascinates me," Tamaki said simply, placing his hands on either side of Haruhi's face. "What's going on in there?"

Haruhi smiled, blushing slightly.

Tamaki's own smile widened. "You," he said endearingly, "are absolutely adorable."

"Shut up," Haruhi mumbled, looking away and blushing more. Tamaki laughed and wrapped his arms around her from behind, kissing the top of her head softly.

"Get a room, you two," Kyoya said, reaching for his book.

"This _is_ my room," Tamaki said with a smile.

"Touché," Kyoya consented after a brief pause.

Haruhi laughed her radiant laugh, a sound Tamaki would never tire of hearing. "You guys are goofs," she said.

"Thank you," Tamaki said. "We try."

"You don't _try_, Tamaki," Kyoya said. "It comes naturally for you, to my vast irritation."

"Don't pretend you don't love it."

"Who said I was pretending?" Kyoya asked with a smirk.

Tamaki whimpered, burying his face in Haruhi's shoulder. "Haruhi, Kyoya's being mean to me," he pouted.

"And...?" Haruhi said.

Tamaki pulled away slightly and looked down at Haruhi, sulking. She smiled up at him for a moment before kissing him lightly on the cheek. He touched his lips lightly to hers.

Kyoya rolled his eyes. Tamaki smiled impishly at him.

"I can take you home," he said. "Haruhi can spend the night instead."

Haruhi laughed as Kyoya said, "You know, strangely enough, I'd rather be here, watching you two make googly eyes at each other, than at my house."

"Things must be getting bad at your house again," Tamaki said, the playfulness fading from his voice. "Your dad giving you a hard time again?"

Kyoya fidgeted with a page in his book; he hadn't meant to turn attention to himself. "Yeah," he said, trying to sound off-hand. "But it's fine; it's not a big deal. I'm kind of used to it."

Tamaki frowned. He sensed the apology in Kyoya's tone. "That's not what I wanted to hear," he said. He despised the things Kyoya was forced to go through by his father, the pressure of being perfect. He let go of Haruhi and moved over to his best friend, wrapping his arms around him gently. Kyoya allowed himself to be hugged, which was the closest thing Tamaki could expect to being hugged back.

"Don't let him get to you too much, Kyoya," Tamaki said softly. "And you know we're here for you."

"I'm fine, Tamaki," Kyoya said. Tamaki smiled, picking up the subtle _thank you_ in Kyoya's impatient tone. He let go and moved back to the bed, next to Haruhi, who glanced at her watch.

"It's getting late," she said softly. "I should head home."

"I'll take you," Tamaki said.

"I can walk," Haruhi said, rising and heading for the door. "It's not that far."

"That wasn't an offer, it was a statement," Tamaki said, following her. "I'll take you." Haruhi opened her mouth to protest, but Tamaki cut her off. "It's late. I'm driving you home."

Haruhi sighed, giving in. Tamaki smiled softly, placing a hand on the small of her back as he turned to face Kyoya, saying, "Are you coming with us or do you want to stay here?"

"I'll stay here," Kyoya said. "Give you two lovebirds some alone time."

Tamaki made a face before turning and leaving. When they reached the foot of the stairs, he stopped and spun Haruhi around to face him.

"Is there a reason you were so eager to leave?"

"It's late," she said again.

Tamaki rolled his eyes and spoke before she could continue. "Okay, what's the _real_ reason?"

Haruhi hesitated. "Kyoya looked like he wanted to talk to you," she said. "Just not with me there."

"Very perceptive," Tamaki said, taking Haruhi's hand and leading her to the garage. "But that's nothing new. Now what were you thinking about earlier? You never said."

He opened and closed the passenger side door for her and she rolled her eyes. When he got in the driver's seat, she said, "You know, I have hands. I can operate the door myself."

"You're avoiding my question again," he noted, starting the car.

"Am I?"

"You tell me."

"Maybe I wasn't thinking about anything."

"Haruhi," Tamaki said. "_You_, not thinking about anything. You expect me to believe that?"

"It was nothing serious," she said. "At least, it's not serious right now. If it _gets_ serious, I'll definitely tell you. But until then, if there is a _then_, it's nothing."

"Okay."

_**XxX**_

"Hey, Kyoya," Tamaki said as he walked back into his bedroom. Kyoya was still sitting in the windowsill, still reading his book. He looked up when Tamaki addressed him, seeming strangely subdued, and set the book aside. Antoinette, Tamaki's gorgeous dog, was lying on the couch and Tamaki sat down next to her, facing Kyoya and stroking Antoinette absentmindedly. His eyes landed on the gold lettering of the book his friend had placed down.

"_Tale of Two Cities_," Tamaki said. "In French. Since when do you know French?"

"How do you think I talked to you when you first moved here?" Kyoya said, and his voice was somewhat more flat than usual. "Let's face it, Tamaki, your Japanese wasn't perfect."

"It still isn't," Tamaki said, slightly ashamed. "The French still slips in once in a while."

"I've noticed," Kyoya said, a hint of what almost sounded like concern sneaking into his usually cool voice. "You try to hide it."

"I'm not proud of it," Tamaki said sheepishly.

"It's cute," Kyoya said.

Tamaki stared. "Did _you_ just call something _cute_?"

"I have emotions."

"No you don't. You're Kyoya. You're a robot."

Kyoya smirked, and then picked up the book again. "Have you ever read this?" he asked. Tamaki shook his head, and Kyoya handed the book to him. "You should. It's one of my favorites. This is my fifth time reading it."

"Well, if Kyoya Ootori finds this book worth pursuing more than once, then I will read it."

"Good," Kyoya said, leaning back against the glass. "I think you'll like it."

Tamaki smiled, placing the book aside on the couch. As he turned back to Kyoya, Antoinette hopped off the couch and walked over to Kyoya. She jumped up into the windowsill and lay with her head in Kyoya's lap, staring up at him, confirming Tamaki's suspicion that something was indeed wrong with Kyoya; Antoinette was an interesting dog and had a sort of instinct for these things.

"Your head hurts," Tamaki said. "Doesn't it?"

Kyoya nodded. "Not a migraine yet," he said, "but I think it might be headed that way."

Tamaki frowned; Kyoya had been getting migraine headaches recently, and far too frequently. But Kyoya, being stubborn, generally just suffered through them, continuing whatever he was doing. The migraines rarely affected Kyoya's performance on any task, because Kyoya refused to let them; this generally made them worse by the time he finally consented (usually due to whiney persuasion from Tamaki and/ or his sister Fuyumi) to stop and rest. Tamaki found his best friend's refusal to let the migraines interfere with his work irksome and troublesome, particularly in the Host Club, where he knew that the girls' shrieks and laughter could only make them worse. Possibly the worst effect these migraines had on Kyoya was the sense of vulnerability the brought him, the loss of his characteristic control, both physical and mental, that sent him into a slight panic.

"Do you want to go ahead and get some sleep?" Tamaki asked, knowing this was one of the few ways Kyoya's headaches lessened.

Kyoya shook his head. "If it gets worse I will," he said. "But I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Tamaki, I'm fine," Kyoya said impatiently, but he smiled slightly.

"Okay," Tamaki said. "So what do you want to do? There are still a few movies we didn't watch last time that you need to see."

"Go ahead and put one in," Kyoya said, moving to the couch; if he was going to fall asleep, which he likely would, he'd rather be on the couch than in the windowsill. More comfortable, and less likely for Tamaki to fuss over him in the morning.

Tamaki nodded, walking over to the TV and popping _The Matrix_ into the DVD player. He sat down next to Kyoya, leaning against the arm of the sofa, his deep amethyst eyes on Kyoya as the movie started.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, and Kyoya gave him a contemplating glance, pondering how much he was going to disclose. Tamaki sighed, returning Kyoya's look with an impatient yet open one of his own. The two of them never actually _watched_ movies when Kyoya was over; they mostly talked, the movie merely serving as background noise until something exciting happened and grabbed their attention (usually Tamaki's first, for obvious reasons) before they continued their conversation, generally as though it had never been interrupted. Tamaki normally did most of the talking, but Kyoya was a good listener (a fact for which Tamaki was endlessly grateful), and _occasionally_ had something he needed to talk through as well. And Tamaki had the feeling this was one of those nights. So he asked again, "Kyoya, what are you thinking about?"

"I have this strange sense of déjà vu," Kyoya muttered, and Tamaki almost smiled. Kyoya sighed, settling himself further into the couch, wrapping his arms around his torso. Tamaki's concern intensified with the gesture; Kyoya likely didn't even notice that he'd done it, but it was something he often did when he was distressed, almost as if to keep himself in one piece.

"Well?" Tamaki said, trying to sound cheerful.

A deep breath. And then Kyoya spoke. "My dad," he said, exhaling slowly. Tamaki waited patiently for the rest. When, after almost a full minute, nothing else came, he nudged Kyoya's shoulder gently. "He's been...more short-tempered than usual lately. But he gets like this every year, so it's not that bad. It's getting close to the anniversary of my mother's death," he explained when Tamaki looked confused. Tamaki nodded, and Kyoya continued. "We're all coping the best we can, and we're all a little more hotheaded than normal, and his comes down on me. That's all."

"Well it shouldn't," Tamaki said.

"I couldn't agree more. But it does. And that's okay. I can deal."

"You have my number," Tamaki reminded him. "Any time. I will answer the phone. Especially for you, and you know that."

"I do," Kyoya assured him, and the two of them turned their attention back to the movie.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

I'll be honest. I didn't know what Haruhi was thinking about when I wrote this. But I figured it out (:

I'm not sure about this softer side of Kyoya. But it's something I've always thought about, him only opening up to Tamaki. Let me know what you guys think of it.

I texted LifelessStar almost this whole chapter in various increments at one point or another to see what she thought of it and her phone damn near exploded, so definitely try and give her some credit for this one (:

Please review

=)


	3. I Am

So there's actual Host Club activity in this chapter. Mostly courtesy of my lovely little cohort, LifelessStar. Seriously, that chick = my best friend in the universe = my other half = the Kaoru to my Hikaru = et cetera, et cetera (and by the way, she considers being equivalent to "et cetera" an accomplishment).

OH! And very very very VERY special thanks to **Grey Orul** for being my first reviewer!

This chapter's title song is _I Am_ by Bon Jovi.

Do I look like I own Ouran? (Well, how would you guys know? You can't see me, and I'd be a little weirded out if you could...) But trust me, I don't look like someone who owns a famous anime/ manga.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Tamaki truly had outdone himself today, Kyoya decided as he cast another glance around the room, taking in the Host Club's handiwork with the decorations. Why Tamaki chose to set today's "adventure" aboard a pirate ship was still a mystery, but the girls seemed to heartily approve. All but one, it appeared, as Renge was presently seated alone on one of the couches, a bitter scowl gracing her features. Kyoya smirked; he supposed Tamaki's swashbuckling antics did not quite fit Renge's ideas for the Club, nor did Hikaru and Kaoru's purposely-off-key but somehow still harmonious sea-shanty. How Hunny had managed to keep cake from seeming out-of-place in today's setting was beyond Kyoya as well, but, again, the girls did not seem to mind. After a few moments of light conversation with a few of the girls, Kyoya retired to his laptop, deciding to use the last half-hour of the day's Club activity to finish a history report, the day's profit calculation already done. He was nearly done prattling on about Napoleon's exploits when Tamaki appeared at his side, violet eyes vibrant with happiness, satisfied at the end of another day's Hosting.

"How'd we do today, Kyoya?" he asked brightly.

"Very well, actually," Kyoya said, closing his laptop deftly and looking up to meet Tamaki's eyes.

Tamaki's smile widened. "Good," he said happily. "Now let's get all this cleaned up."

Kyoya nodded, stowing his laptop back in his bad before rising and aiding Tamaki in taking down the day's decorations. Haruhi joined their efforts after changing back into her uniform, as was her daily habit. The three of them cleaned in a comfortable silence until only a few things remained to be put away.

"I've got it from here, guys," Kyoya said.

"You're sure?" Tamaki asked.

Kyoya sighed. "Go," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Tamaki nodded and left the room with Haruhi.

Kyoya gathered the last of the decorations and carried them into the storeroom, putting them back in their respective places neatly before heading back out, expecting to grab his things and go home. However, as he made one last pass around the room to ensure he hadn't missed anything, a shock of strawberry blonde hair caught his eye; he turned to see one of the twins sitting on one of the couches, face buried in his hands, sobbing softly. How had they not seen him when they were cleaning? Kyoya approached him hesitantly, not knowing what to say, not knowing which twin it was. He stood rooted to the spot for a moment, concerned and confused, just listening. He had never heard either of the twins cry outside the Brotherly Love act, and then it was always Kaoru. He decided to hazard a guess that the same applied here.

"Kaoru?" he said softly, and the younger boy looked up quickly, frightened by having been caught. He made no attempt to wipe the tears away, merely staring up at Kyoya, as though afraid the older boy would strike him.

"K-Kyoya-senpai," he stammered. Definitely Kaoru, Kyoya decided. "I-I didn't expect you to still be here."

"I could say the same thing," Kyoya said. "Are you alright?"

Kaoru nodded. "I'm fine," he said, and Kyoya sighed. "You don't believe me," Kaoru said.

"Would you?"

A pause.

"No," Kaoru admitted softly.

"What's wrong?"

Another pause, longer, and then Kaoru stood, wiping his eyes. "Nothing," he said, heading for the door. Kyoya caught him by the arm.

"Kaoru," he said gently.

Kaoru stared, puzzled. "Gentle" was not a word typically used to describe Kyoya. Cold, calculating, even manipulative. Not gentle. And the concerned, warm look in his eyes was almost alarmingly out of character, not his usual calm authority.

"I-I have to get home," Kaoru said, pulling away. "Hikaru will be wondering where I am."

"Why were you crying?" Kyoya asked, following him.

"It's a long story."

"Why do I get the feeling 'It's a long story,' really means 'I don't want to talk about it'?"

Hand on the doorknob, Kaoru paused, closing his eyes. "I-I-" he began, but his voice failed him as a tight lump rose to his throat and more tears welled up in his eyes. He shook his head. "I have to go," he said, turning the knob and pulling the door open.

"Why?" Kyoya asked, not letting go of his arm.

"Kyoya-senpai, I need to get home."

"Why were you crying?" Kyoya asked him, genuinely worried. "Why _are_ you crying?"

Kaoru didn't respond, merely tried again to pull away. He finally fell still, but did not leave when Kyoya let go. He looked into Kyoya's deep grey eyes; they held none of their usual cold calculation, only concern.

"Kaoru," he said softly. "There's something bothering you, and you obviously haven't talked to Hikaru about it. And you obviously want to tell _someone_."

Kaoru hesitated. "I do want to tell someone," he said. "I just don't know who."

"I'm standing right here," Kyoya reminded him gently, warmly, and the expression somehow suited him, though it certainly wasn't normal for him. Kaoru hesitated for another few seconds, and then spoke, staring at the floor.

"Hikaru's always liked Haruhi," he began, and Kyoya nodded, already knowing that. "And lately it's been getting...worse isn't the right word, but it's the only one I can think of. Stronger, maybe. Yeah, that's it. Anyway. It's getting harder for him to see her and Tamaki every day. He's been really upset lately, and he's been having nightmares...well, he has nightmares once in a while anyway, but they've been worse the last couple weeks. I know there's something he isn't telling me, but every time I ask him what it is he gets angry, and defensive...we've never had secrets from each other before, it's never been possible for us to. We've always been together, we've always gone through everything together. But now... I don't know, we're just not as close anymore. He's been talking to Haruhi _a lot_ lately, and Tamaki, and he's been ignoring me. I mean occasionally he'll talk to me, when he's not texting one of them, but it's never a meaningful conversation anymore. I miss him. A lot. And I _have_ tried talking to him about it, but we never get around to actually _talking_ about it, he always changes the subject or just doesn't answer."

Kaoru took a deep breath; he'd managed to get through everything without crying again, but when he finished and looked up at Kyoya's concerned face, his grey eyes sad and wanting to help, Kaoru's tears returned. Kyoya sighed sadly, drawing Kaoru into a gentle hug. Kaoru stiffened at first, startled - Kyoya usually didn't willingly accept physical contact, let alone initiate it - but after a moment, he relaxed.

"You don't have to keep this to yourself," Kyoya said. "You know that any one of us would listen. Just say something."

"Thank you," Kaoru said quietly as the two of them drew apart.

"C'mon," Kyoya said, wiping a stray tear from Kaoru's cheek. "I'll give you a ride home."


	4. Dear Prudence

This chapter has more Tamaki-and-Haruhi-ness (: I'm not good at writing fluffy stuff, so a lot of this came from my best friend too.

This chapter's song is _Dear Prudence_ by The Bealtes.

Still don't own Ouran. If I did then I wouldn't have to contemplate ways to steal Kyoya.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

"Well I guess the obvious thing would be to say that Hunny-senpai would be a bunny rabbit, but I think he's more of an otter."

"I was thinking panda bear."

"Why a panda?"

"Because," Tamaki said. "They look all cute and cuddly, but they could rip you in half if they wanted. And have you _ever_ seen a picture of a panda that wasn't eating?"

"Hunny-senpai does eat a lot," Haruhi allowed. "And just looking at him, you'd never know that he could take out an entire police squadron."

"See? Panda bear. What about Mori-senpai?"

Haruhi paused for a moment, thinking, looking up from her homework for the first time since they had embarked on the task of deciding what animal each of the Hosts would be. "Eyeore," she said. "Does that count as an animal?"

Tamaki laughed. "As fitting as that is," he said, "I don't think so."

"Okay then," Haruhi said, then paused again before saying musingly, "A fox."

"Why a fox?" Tamaki asked, taking a sip of his soda.

"Because they're protective," Haruhi explained. "And not just over their own kits, they'll defend another family's kits too. And they're mysterious and ridiculously intelligent."

"That's Mori-senpai, in a nutshell," Tamaki said. "Who's next?"

"Hikaru," Haruhi said, looking back to her notebook.

"Coyote."

Haruhi made a face. "A coyote?"

"They're tricksters."

"They also eat people," Haruhi pointed out, putting her pencil down and pushing the book away. "Can he be something a little less...vicious?"

"A rat."

"Rats are gross."

"So is Hikaru."

"He is not." Haruhi grabbed a pretzel out of the bag on the coffee table and threw it at Tamaki.

"What've you got?" Tamaki asked, eating the pretzel with which Haruhi had assaulted his collarbone.

"A ferret?" Haruhi suggested. "They're playful and mischievous and calculating and such. And not vicious or gross."

"Okay," Tamaki allowed. "I have to admit Hikaru is not vicious and gross, so ferret it is. Kaoru?"

"I don't know," Haruhi said after another pause, longer than the others. "I'm honestly drawing a blank for Kaoru."

Tamaki thought for a moment before saying, "Not to steal from Hunny-senpai, but I'm thinking rabbit. They're timid, but still playful, and that's kind of Kaoru-ish, right?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Haruhi said. "They avoid conflict, too, and Kaoru hates arguing with people."

Tamaki's phone rang, and, after a moment of internal debate on whether to answer it or continue his conversation with Haruhi, he stood and walked across the room to retrieve it.

"Hello," he said upon picking it up.

"Tamaki," his father's voice said happily. "I'm paying you a little visit at the second estate today."

"When?" Tamaki asked, and Haruhi looked up from her homework, her interest piqued.

"I'm getting ready to head over now. I should be there in about an hour." The sing-song quality in his father's tone brought a smile to Tamaki's face.

"Okay. Haruhi's here, too. I'll tell her you're coming."

"I'll see you soon."

Tamaki hung up and tossed his phone onto the couch. "My father's coming," he said to Haruhi.

"I gathered that, funny enough," she said, turning back to her homework. "Who's left?"

"Kyoya."

"You know Kyoya-senpai the best," Haruhi said.

"Kyoya's a cat," Tamaki said simply, as though it were obvious, and Haruhi cocked her head to one side, awaiting his explanation. "They're manipulative and conniving and sneaky, but still loving.

"'Loving' is not a word I would typically use to describe Kyoya-senpai," Haruhi said skeptically.

"It's a side of him not many people see," Tamaki said, almost sadly. "And by 'not many people' I mean me, Fuyumi, and Fuyumi's daughter Kisa. And even the three of us don't see it often. But he can be really sweet."

"I'll take your word for it."

Tamaki rolled his eyes. "You have ample reason not to believe me," he admitted. "So what about me?"

"What do you see yourself as?"

"I don't know," Tamaki said. "A goose."

Haruhi laughed. "Why a goose?"

"Have you met me?" Tamaki asked, and Haruhi's laugh rang through the room again, a glorious, melodic sound Tamaki would never tire of hearing. "And you, my little rose?"

"I'm a tanuki," Haruhi said, smiling. "Remember? That's what the twins called me."

"You are not a raccoon dog," Tamaki said firmly. "More like a penguin." Another confused look from Haruhi. "They symbolize drive and purpose, which you have, and making order out of chaos, which you do almost every time you walk into a room."

"Where do you pick these things up?"

"I'll admit it, the penguin info came from Google. I got bored one day so I looked up a bunch of stuff on penguins, and when I read that I immediately thought of you, and then later I thought of Kyoya. But Kyoya's definitely a cat. So you're a penguin."

"Yay," Haruhi said half-heartedly. "One more pointless conversation finished."

Tamaki rolled his eyes at her jab. "What are you working on?" he asked her.

"Conversational French," she said. "I can't believe I let the twins talk me into taking this class. It's _pointless_. How on earth is 'the monkey is on the branch' _conversational_? French people have no need for that phrase."

Tamaki smiled. "No," he said. "Not a whole lot of jungle in France."

"You would know that," Haruhi said. "I forgot." After a moment, she asked, "Hey, I have one sentence left, and there's one word I can't remember. Can you help me?"

"Sure."

"Thank you for not saying _'oui_,'" she said, and Tamaki's smiled widened. "How do you say 'socks' in French?"

"Socks?" Tamaki repeated with a slight laugh.

"Yes. I'm trying to say 'I fold socks every Tuesday' and I can't remember how to say socks."

"_Chaussettes_."

"Thank you," Haruhi said, finishing the sentence and closing her notebook. She pushed it aside and pulled herself onto the couch from her spot on the floor. "I hate the French language," she said bitterly. "More than I hate rich people."

Tamaki placed a hand on his chest playfully, taking in a sharp breath. "Ow," he said. "As a rich person who speaks the French language, that hurt, Haruhi."

"I love _you_," Haruhi clarified. "I just hate _most_ rich people. And the French language."

Tamaki sighed, then took a seat next to Haruhi on the couch. He kissed her lightly on the cheek, brushing her hair behind her ear. "_Vous," _he said softly,_ "mon petit rose belle, etes incroyable de toute maniere. Je t'aime avec toute de mon ame, pas pour qui vous etes, mais pour qui je suis quand je suis avec vous."_

Haruhi stared at him for a moment, slightly startled by his tender touch. "Ok," she said when she found her voice again. "The only thing I caught out of all of that was _'je t'aime_,' which I know means 'I love you.' Are you using your little Host Club waffle on me? Because you know it won't work."

"Not this time," Tamaki said, smiling. "No tricks, no blather to warm the heart. Just very true words."

Haruhi rolled her eyes.

"See," Tamaki said. "That's one of my favorite things about you. My tricks don't work on you. You have standards."

"So do the Host Club girls," Haruhi said. "They just happed to be unrealistic. And so do you."

Tamaki gave another playful clutch at his heart.

"You do have one trick that works on me, though," Haruhi said. Tamaki cocked his head to one side, looking like a confused puppy (he was good at that), and Haruhi smiled. "Play for me," she said, indicating the piano.

Tamaki smiled, warm and genuine and lighting up the room. He grabbed Haruhi's hand and pulled her over to the piano bench with him, sitting her down next to him as he slid the cover from the keys, a hint of something other than happiness glittering in those marvelous orbs of liquid amethyst.

After a few bars, he began to sing, and Haruhi couldn't help but blush.

_She's got a way about her. I don't know what it is, but I know that I can't live without her. She's got a way of pleasing. I don't know why it is, but there doesn't have to be a reason anyway. She's got a smile that heals me. I don't know why it is, but I have to laugh when she reveals me. She's got a way of talking. I don't know why it is, but it lifts me up when we are walking anywhere. She comes to me when I'm feeling down inspires me without a sound. She touches me, and I get turned around. She's got a way of showing how I make her feel, and I find the strength to keep on going. She's got a light around her. And everywhere she does, a million dreams of love surround her everywhere. She comes to me when I'm feeling down inspires me without a sound. She touches me, and I get turned around. She's got a smile that heals me. I don't know why it is, but I have to laugh when she reveals me. She's got a way about her. I don't know what it is, but I know that I can't live without her anyway._

The song ended on an unbearably sweet chord, and Haruhi turned her face away from Tamaki, blushing. Tamaki smiled, cupping her cheek.

"You're so cute when you get embarrassed," he said. She grumbled, and Tamaki laughed, turning back to the piano, a much more upbeat song filling the air.

"_The Root Beer Rag_?" Haruhi said after a moment, when she had collected herself.

"I spent the better part of last summer teaching myself how to play this."

"I have a strangely easy time believing that."

Tamaki laughed, his playing faltering only slightly before he found his place again.

Before he'd finished the song, the front door opened. Tamaki's father came strolling in, and Tamaki turned to face him, his eyes landing on the figure behind him.

"I thought you weren't scheduled to arrive for a few more days?" he said to his grandmother, politely confused.

She shrugged, her eyes holding nothing but contempt for the boy. "My flight was rescheduled," she said simply. "I came early."

"Oh," Tamaki said. "Well it's good to have you. Will you be staying in the second estate this visit?"

"Certainly not," she snapped. "Your father's brought me here for some reason; we'll be heading back to the main estate soon enough."

"Tamaki," the chairman said, intervening in the first way he could think of. "I think you should introduce Haruhi."

Tamaki took a deep breath and cast Haruhi an almost apologetic look before saying, "Haruhi, this is my grandmother. Grandmother, Haruhi Fujioka, the Ouran Academy scholarship student."

"Where have I seen you before?" the woman asked before Haruhi could say anything.

Haruhi faltered, looking to Tamaki.

"At the school festival, I think," Tamaki said.

"And why exactly is she of any relevance to me?" she asked, turning back to face Tamaki's father.

He looked at his son, who drew another deep breath before saying hesitantly, "Grandmother, Haruhi and I have been dating for the past three months."

There was a pause before his grandmother turned her eyes back to Haruhi, scrutinizing her, and Haruhi tried hard not to shift uncomfortably under her gaze. Tamaki sensed Haruhi's unease and started to speak, but his grandmother spoke first.

"Even you could do better," she said, and Tamaki stared, any response lost.

"Haruhi's a fine girl," his father said.

"I hate to disagree with you," his mother said. "She's a member of that host club of his. Posing as a boy, if I recall."

"It's complicated," Tamaki began, but his grandmother cut him off again.

"Nonetheless," she said. "She spends a significant portion of her time entertaining women by deceiving them. I say again, boy, even you could do better."

She followed Yuzuru into another part of the house, and Tamaki turned to Haruhi, looking miserable.

"I'm so sorry," he said, and Haruhi waved his apology away impatiently.

"It's not your fault she's bitter," she said with a small smile.

"Still," he said, throwing himself onto the couch. "You didn't deserve that."

"Tamaki, it's fine," Haruhi said, sitting next to him and leaning against his shoulder. "Don't worry about it."

Tamaki sighed, taking Haruhi in his arms. "I love you," he said softly.

"I love you too," Haruhi said, resting her head against Tamaki's chest. After a moment she said, "I really liked that song."

She felt Tamaki smile, his cheek resting on top of her head. "I'm glad," he said. "I hoped you might."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

I hate that woman. A lot. But you're kind of supposed to, I guess. You'll be seeing more of her later. Unfortunately. Sorry guys.

And in case you were wondering, Tamaki's French line is (roughly) "You, my lovely little rose, are incredible in every way. I love you with all my soul, not for who you are, but for who I am when I'm with you."

And when Haruhi says "Host Club waffle," she means waffle like nonsense, not waffle like the delicious breakfast food.

Anyway. Tell me how I'm doing so far (: I like reviews. Even bad ones.

Again, drop LifelessStar a line if you would (: Especially for the French bit, she did the more complex translating.

**Songs:**

_She's Got a Way_ by Billy Joel

_The Root Beer Rag_ also by Billy Joel, even thought it's only mentioned (there are no words for me to put in, but it seemed like something fun that Tamaki might play).


	5. Little By Little

This chapter is pretty short, but it took a long time to write.

The song for this one is Little by Little by Theory of a Deadman.

I don't own Ouran High School Host Club.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

Rain lashed at the windows of Ouran Academy as Kyoya bustled around the music room, preparing for the day's festivities. Haruhi, already in today's cowboy themed costume, having taken the opportunity to change before the rest of the boys arrived, followed close behind him, placing tealeaves in each teapot as Kyoya straightened the area around the table. The twins had already arrived and were currently changing into today's cosplay, and Hunny and Mori were walking through the door as Kyoya and Haruhi finished the last table. Kyoya sighed and turned to face Haruhi.

"I'm off to go get Tamaki," he said. "I have a feeling I know where he is. We should be back before it's time to let the guests in, but in case we're not, I'm leaving you in charge."

Haruhi hesitated, looking startled, and Kyoya gave her a reassuring smile, not quite characteristic of him. "I know you can handle this," he said. "Tamaki trusts you, so I have no reason not to."

"Thank you, Kyoya-senpai," she said quietly, after a brief pause.

Kyoya gave her another quick smile before leaving, setting his course toward the east gym. Around the left side, past the entrance to the courtyard, down a narrow hallway to the service elevator that went up to the roof, where, as Kyoya had expected, Tamaki was seated with his back against the ledge, facing the door Kyoya had just come out of, knees drawn up to his chest, head resting on his knees as his shoulders shook with sobs. Kyoya approached him slowly.

"I thought I'd find you up here," he said softly when he reached him. Tamaki looked up, startled, and Kyoya gave him a gentle smile. "Are you alright?"

Tamaki nodded, not bothering to wipe his eyes as the tears pouring down his cheeks mixed with the rain. Kyoya knelt next to him.

"You're still a bad liar," Kyoya said. "What's wrong?"

Tamaki drew a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before speaking, looking away from Kyoya.

"My mother wrote me a letter," he said, then exhaled slowly. Kyoya's eyes widened in surprise. "My father gave it to me yesterday, and I don't think I've ever been happier than I was when I read it. I've missed her so much. And I want to write her back. But-" he broke off, couldn't finish the thought out loud.

"You're afraid your grandmother will find out," Kyoya finished for him, and Tamaki nodded.

"I can't risk that," he whispered. "But there's so much I want to tell her. I've missed her, I've missed her so much it hurts. I've wanted to talk to her again since I came here, and now I have a chance to, but I can't risk my grandmother finding out. She risked so much to write to me...God, why am I such a coward?"

"Stop right there," Kyoya said, placing a hand on Tamaki's trembling shoulder. "Call yourself anything else you want, but Tamaki Souh, you are the farthest thing from a coward this world has ever seen."

"Then why-"

"Why haven't you written her back?" Kyoya said. "Because you're worried about what will happen to _her_ if you do. Fear for your mother's safety is _not_ cowardice. Neither was coming here to protect her, or putting up with your grandmother's insults, or anything else you have ever done. Tamaki, you are one of the bravest people I have ever met."

Tamaki shook his head, trailing off into sobs again. He leaned against Kyoya, tears falling into the shoulder of his already-soaked jacket. Kyoya wrapped his arms around the sobbing blonde; it was an uncharacteristically tender gesture on the part of the Shadow King, but he knew his friend needed it. He was highly uncomfortable, almost panicked, with the physical contact, however, and could do little more than rub awkward circles into his friend's back in an effort to soothe him.

It did not take long for Tamaki to sense his friend's unease.

"I'm sorry," he said, pulling away abruptly. "I just...I-I...I'm sorry, Kyoya."

"No need to apologize," Kyoya said dismissively.

Tamaki tried to smile, but it did not reach his eyes. He leaned against the ledge again, letting himself succumb to tears once more.

"I miss her so much," he whispered. "It's been so long since I've seen her, since I've heard her voice." A pause. "My father used to give me updates once in a while, how she was doing, but he stopped when my grandmother told him to. I worry about her. I just need to know she's okay."

Tamaki shook his head suddenly. "I'm sorry," he said again, looking away.

"What on earth are you apologizing for?" Kyoya asked him, incredulous.

A pause. "I feel weird, talking about this with you," Tamaki said. Kyoya gave him a questioning look. "My mom's at least still out there," he said. "I'm sorry."

Kyoya nodded. "Don't worry about it," he said sincerely. "My mother died years ago, and I barely knew her." Another pause. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Tamaki said, but after a moment shook his head. "No," he corrected himself with a sad smile. "No, I'm not."

"At least you're admitting it," Kyoya said. "It's when you say you're okay that I worry about you."

"Thank you, Kyoya," Tamaki said. "For everything. I don't know how I'd get through any of this without you."

"Not a problem."

"C'mon, _Mon ami_," Tamaki said softly. "Let's get inside."

"You're sure?" Kyoya asked him.

"I'll be okay," Tamaki said. "The Club's waiting. Besides, I know how much you hate rain. And you look like a half-drowned cat. It's pathetic, yet somehow adorable at the same time."

Kyoya rolled his eyes, standing and offering Tamaki his hand, which he took.

"You know," Kyoya said as they stepped into the elevator. "I've never been so happy to do cosplay for Club. At least I can get out of these wet clothes."

Tamaki smiled. "You're welcome."

Haruhi greeted them cheerfully when they entered the music room, and Tamaki headed off to change while Kyoya hung back to have a word with Haruhi.

"Is he okay?" Haruhi asked him, concerned.

"He got a letter from his mother," he said softly, and Haruhi looked startled. "He misses her."

She nodded as Kyoya headed back to change.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Fail chapter ending is fail. Sorry guys.


	6. Something Else

More actual Host Club activity! (Don't get used to it, guys, it doesn't happen often...)

**There is also mention of boyXboy romance in this chapter**. Nothing intimate, but it's mentioned. Just a warning. There will also be more in nearly every chapter after this.

This chapter's title song is _Something Else_ by Good Charlotte.

I still don't own Ouran. Or much of anything else for that matter.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

The storm had returned, but all was going well in the Host Club that afternoon, Tamaki's whimsically elaborate plans unfurling without a hitch thanks to Kyoya's careful supervision and the wild improvisational skills the Hosts had acquired. The Hitachiin twins in particular seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the day's theme; they had engaged in a stage-combat scene reminiscent of Shakespeare's _Hamlet_, their threatening words made somewhat less so as their umbrella swords came together with comically non-threatening _thuds_. However, even Renge could find nothing wrong with their performances today, as she had joined the other girls in gushing over them. Hunny smiled and leaned back in his chair, enjoying the fact that his customers, as well as Tamaki's and Haruhi's, had swarmed over to the twins to see what the other girls were screaming about.

Something in his peripheral vision caught his attention, and he turned his head to see Umehito Nekozawa standing in the doorway to the Black Magic Club, looking confused, apparently investigating the noise himself. He sighed and shook his head and, as he turned away, his eyes landed on Hunny, who smiled brightly. Nekozawa smiled back. Hunny and Nekozawa had secretly been seeing each other for a few weeks now, thought they weren't officially a "couple" so to speak (or at least, neither of them had said it out loud). Takashi, of course, found out about the relationship, and he did not approve; he had some not-so-warm-and-fuzzy feelings toward Nekozawa and never missed an opportunity to make them known, much to Hunny's vast annoyance.

Hunny glanced up at Takashi; a smirk graced his normally stoic features as he observed Hikaru and Kaoru's latest spectacle and he rose to get a closer look. Hunny seized this chance while Takashi was distracted to go talk to Umehito.

"Hi, Ume-chan," Hunny said as he approached.

"Hello there, Mitzkuni," Nekozawa said softly, waving.

"Where's Belzeneth?" Hunny asked, noticing the Curse Doll's absence from his owner's hand.

"I was just looking for him," Umehito said. "I can't seem to find him. I thought I may have left him out here when we had cake before school today."

"I'll look for him for you," Hunny said brightly.

"Thank you, Mitzkuni."

One of the girls caught sight of Hunny and Nekozawa, standing side by side next to the door to the Black Magic Club, and a look of confusion crossed her face before she turned back to the twins. Hunny sighed softly; he and Umehito did make a strange pair, even simply standing next to each other. Perhaps it was for the best they kept their relationship in the dark. Again, he turned his attention back to Hikaru and Kaoru, who, after a moment, slipped their groove of improvisation as Hikaru's umbrella flew from his hand as he tried to swing it, landing some twelve feet away and causing Hikaru to say loudly, "Curses! Sword, I command you to come back to my hand! I bite my thumb at thee!"

Kaoru exploded into giggles and was soon joined by Hikaru, and then by their audience. Once it finally settled down, Mori glanced back over his shoulder; his gaze landed on Nekozawa and his eyes narrowed in distaste. Nekozawa fidgeted with his cloak as Mori approached them.

"Mitzkuni," Mori said when he reached them, his eyes still on Nekozawa. "We need to get back."

"Alright," Mitzkuni said cheerfully. "Bye, Ume-chan. I'll see you later."

"Good-bye, Mitzkuni," Nekozawa said, not liking the way Mori's gaze intensified when he used Hunny's first name. Feeling uneasy, he slipped back into the Black Magic Club and closed the door, which promptly disappeared, leaving no trace that it had ever been there.

Hunny followed Takashi back to their table as their guests began to file back over, irritated with Takashi's behaviour; his dislike for Umehito was unwarranted and, as far as Hunny was concerned, not to be tolerated. Planning to discuss it with him later, he took his seat at the table and resumed his business with the girls.

_**XxXxX**_

Kyoya pushed the laptop away and closed his eyes, resting his head in his hands and messaging his temples. His head pounded horribly, and the girls' shrieks and laughter sent him brief but terrible pangs of nauseating agony. The lights seemed brighter, every sound louder. As he contemplated how best to continue working through this, he felt a cold, gentle hand on the base of his neck, massaging softly; the pain lessened instantly.

"Tamaki," he said gratefully, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Migraine?" Tamaki asked, and Kyoya nodded. Tamaki groaned sympathetically before saying, reproachfully concerned, "Kyoya, go home." Kyoya shook his head. "Your dad's home today, isn't he?"

Kyoya nodded. "So's Fuyumi," he said. "She and her daughter are staying with us for a while, while her husband's house is getting renovated."

"Ah," Tamaki said understandingly; while Kyoya and Fuyumi were possibly the closest members of the Ootori family, Tamaki knew Kyoya found it difficult to cope with her antics when he wasn't feeling well. He also knew the same could be said for his own behaviour.

Kyoya started to say something, but broke off with a gasp of pain when a few of the girls shrieked in delight at something or other that Hunny had done.

"Go in the back and lie down," Tamaki said gently. "We can call off Club for the day so you can rest."

Kyoya nodded, and Tamaki helped him to his feet, knowing he must be in bad shape if he was wiling to close Club. Kyoya swayed, and Tamaki kept a hand on his back. One of the twins' guests gave a particularly shrill and loud squeal of delight, and Kyoya staggered as hellacious, blinding pain cleaved through his head like a knife; his stomach rolled with nausea. He barely heard Tamaki's gasp of shock as his knees buckled and he clutched at his friend for support, fighting the tears of pain that were coming to his eyes. Tamaki half-dragged, half-carried Kyoya over to the nearest couch, where Kyoya lay on his side, motionless but for the deep, even breaths he took in an attempt to steady himself. Tamaki perched himself on the edge of the couch, in front of Kyoya, brushing his friend's dark hair away from his face.

"Are you okay?" he asked, soft but urgent.

Kyoya shook his head mutely.

Tamaki sighed. "I'm going to get the girls out of here," he said, starting to rise.

Kyoya opened his eyes and grabbed Tamaki's sleeve. Tamaki spun back around to face his friend, concerned.

"Have the others do it," Kyoya whispered. "Please. I-I'd like you here."

"Alright," Tamaki said gently. "I'll be right back."

"Thank you."

Tamaki gripped Kyoya's shoulder before walking briskly over to Haruhi.

"Excuse me, ladies," he said. "Haruhi, can I borrow you for a moment?"

Haruhi nodded and stood; the two of them walked a short distance away from the girls, who whispered amongst themselves, wondering what Tamaki could possibly be saying.

"Kyoya has a bad migraine and I need to end Club early today," Tamaki said, indicating the couch upon which Kyoya was laying, which, luckily, faced the back of the room. "The noise really isn't helping. I need you to clear the girls out."

Haruhi nodded, casting a concerned glance in Kyoya's direction as Tamaki headed over to Hunny and Mori. After barely three steps, he turned around and went back to Haruhi, adding, "Can you tell the twins?"

"Yeah," she said.

"Thank you," Tamaki said desperately as he turned, then practically ran over to Mori and Hunny; Mori rose and met him before he reached them.

"Something wrong?" Mori asked.

"Yes," Tamaki said. "We're ending Club early. Can you help Haruhi and the twins clear the girls out?"

Mori nodded and walked back over to Hunny. Tamaki rejoined Kyoya, who was lying on the couch, still very tense. Tamaki sighed, perching himself on the front edge of the couch and placing his hand on the back of Kyoya's neck again, resuming his gentle massage. Kyoya relaxed.

"Hey," Tamaki said softly.

"Your hands are cold," Kyoya whispered. "It feels nice."

"Good," Tamaki said. "Then I'm slightly less irritated that they're always cold."

Kyoya gave a half-hearted smile, and there was a brief silence before Tamaki said, "You know, Kyoya, your family _owns_ like a billion hospitals. You _employ_ doctors. Shouldn't you have had these migraines checked out already?"

"That is an excellent question," Kyoya said weakly. "Fuyumi's been trying to get my father to call a neurologist, but he's not listening."

"Your father irritates me deeply," Tamaki said.

"Me too," said Haruhi, who had just poked her head over the back of the couch, her face level with Tamaki's.

"Are they all gone?" Tamaki asked.

"Most of them," Haruhi said. "How are you feeling, Kyoya-senpai?"

"I've been better," Kyoya said.

"I'm sure you have," Tamaki said.

Kyoya gave a weak chuckle, but stopped immediately, turning his head farther into the cushions and stifling a groan of pain.

"Kyoya," Tamaki said hesitantly.

"I'm fine," Kyoya nearly snapped. "Just give me a minute."

Tamaki bit his lip as he watched his best friend swallow the pain he was in. After a few moments, the music room doors closed as the last of the guests filed out, and the other Hosts headed over to Kyoya, who cringed again before opening his eyes. Tamaki smiled sadly; Kyoya's face was too pale, his skin cold and clammy against Tamaki's hand. He sighed, shifting in order to switch hands on Kyoya's neck.

"He's probably going to fall asleep, guys," Tamaki said. "He usually does when he gets like this. You can head home if you want."

The others headed off to change, with the exception of Haruhi, who took a seat on the floor in front of the couch. Tamaki looked at her quizzically.

"You're my ride," she reminded him.

"Oh yeah," Tamaki muttered, and then turned his attention back to Kyoya. His assumption was correct; Kyoya was already drifting off.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Poor Kyoya. I'm being mean to him. At least he has a Tamaki there to help him.

Oh yeah, I gave Fuyumi a daughter. Her name is Kisa, and she's two. You'll meet her later.

I think I forgot to say it last chapter, so please send a message to LifelessStar if you liked this one (: especially since the Shakespeare theme and umbrella swords were her idea.


	7. I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blue

Tamaki's grandmother comes back in this one XP

Hey, if anyone knows her name, please fill me in. Because right now I'm just calling her "the woman" or "her."

The story starts to head more into the "angst" category in the next couple chapters.

There's some Hunny and Neko fluff here (: If you squint _reeeeeallllly_ hard, you can _**almost**_ see some light naughtiness (even though Hunny's really too cute to be naughty). He also tries to be mean. And fails adorably (at least I think it's adorable, but then again, I wrote it).

And I'm sorry if my notes were a little abrupt in the last chapter; I was really sick when I uploaded it and didn't feel like thinking of stuff to put.

This chapter's song is _I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues_ by Sir Elton John (The site says "Blue" instead of "Blues" because the "s" wouldn't fit).

Ouran still isn't mine. And never will be. Unfortunately.

Anyway. On with the story!

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Hunny sighed as he followed Umehito into the Nekozawa mansion after school that day, nearly throwing his phone at the wall when it rang halfway to Umehito's bedroom.

"Shut your face, Takashi," he muttered, mashing the "ignore" button with much more force than necessary.

"You'll break your phone," Umehito cautioned him, ushering Hunny into the room.

"I don't care," Hunny huffed. He drew a deep breath as he sat down on the bed, next to Umehito. "I'm sorry," he added. "About Takashi, earlier today."

Umehito waved away his apology with a smile. "Don't worry about it."

"I don't know why he doesn't like you," Hunny nearly whimpered.

"I can think of a few explanations," Umehito reasoned. He brandished the cloak as he removed it, as if using it as "exhibit A". "I'm not exactly the kind of guy people want to see with someone they care about."

"Not at first glance maybe. Give yourself some credit, Ume-chan," Hunny chastised. "And if Takashi would take two seconds he'd see that."

"Mitzkuni-" Umehito began.

"He gave _Kyo-chan_ a chance, and you're not _nearly_ as scary as him."

"Mitzkuni," he repeated, more firmly this time. And with that one word, the Prince of Darkness wrapped his arms around Hunny, gently, lovingly, and pulled the smaller boy against his chest. "Mori's only trying to protect you. And I don't exactly blame him. He might come around, but if he doesn't that's okay. I still love you."

"You said the _L_ word," Hunny pointed out, crossing his arms. "I thought we agreed. The_ L_ word shall not be used out loud until we're both ready."

Umehito rolled his eyes.

"I'm serious," Hunny said. "I don't feel right saying it until you and Takashi get along. I can't have my boyfriend and my best friend hating each other, and it _will_ be fixed. As soon as Takashi stops being a buttface."

Umehito raised an eyebrow. "Buttface?" he repeated. "You're so cute."

Hunny smiled as Umehito's bedroom door opened again.

"Kirimi," Umehito admonished gently, letting go of Hunny and walking over to his sister. "Knock first."

"Sorry Big Brother," Kirimi said. "I heard Mitzkuni and I wanted to come see him, because he _never_ comes over anymore."

She gave a pointed pout in Hunny's direction as she said the last bit, and Hunny sighed.

"I've missed you too, Kirimi-chan," he said apologetically. "I've wanted to come over, trust me."

"Well you're here now," Kirimi said, running toward him. Hunny smiled at the little girl as she climbed onto her brother's bed and flung herself into his arms. He submitted to her tickle attack while her brother stood by the door, watching with a smirk. Hunny gave a yelp of surprise as he lost balance, he and Kirimi toppling over and rolling off the bed, onto the floor, where Kirimi continued her assault.

"Okay, Kirimi-chan," Hunny panted between bursts of laughter. "I give, white flag!"

Kirimi simply giggled.

"Ume-chan, help!" Hunny called, breathless.

With a cat-like luxurious slowness, Umehito sauntered over and plucked his sister off of Hunny, holding her securely in one arm while he held his other hand out to help Hunny up.

"Mitzkuni Honinozuka," he said. "Took out the entire Ootori private police force without breaking a sweat, but gets his ass kicked by a three year old girl."

Hunny rolled his eyes, but smiled, taking Kirimi from Umehito's arms and hugging her tightly.

"You're right," he said. "I don't come over here enough anymore."

"You don't come over _at all_ anymore," she corrected him, whiney.

"I'm sorry, Kirimi-chan," he said sincerely. "I'll try to come over more."

"Good," Kirimi said with a smile, kissing Hunny lightly on the cheek and hugging him tighter before he set her down.

"Alright Kirimi," Umehito said. "Go play for a while, you can play with Mitzkuni later. We were busy."

"You're no fun, Umehito," Kirimi said, exiting the room.

The door closed, and Hunny back to Umehito, seated on the bed. Their lips met, and Hunny hoped the kiss would last forever. "Shows how much she knows," Hunny said when they drew apart a few minutes later. "You're plenty fun."

"Even if you won't say the L word."

"Not out loud. But I think we've confirmed that you can read minds."

Umehito smiled crookedly, wrapping his arms around Hunny again and tapping the "play" button on his iPod speaker. Their lips met again.

_Oh, girl, we are the same. We are young and lost and so afraid. There's no cure for the pain, no shelter from the rain, all our prayers seem to fail. In joy and sorrow, my home's in your arms. In a world so hollow, it's breaking my heart Oh, girl, we are the same. We are strong and blessed and so brave, with souls to be saved, and faith regained. All our tears wipe away. In joy and sorrow, my home's in your arms. In a world so hollow, it's breaking my heart. In joy and sorrow, my home's in your arms. In a world so hollow, it's breaking my heart_.

"Mitzkuni," Umehito said as they drew apart again. "I swear, I am going to find away to liquefy a kiss and keep it in a bottle on a necklace."

Hunny rolled his eyes again. "You do that, Ume-chan," he said as his phone buzzed, signaling a text message. "Go away, Takashi," he grumbled as he pulled out his phone. "Oh, not Takashi. Sorry Tama-chan."

Umehito smiled as Hunny read the text and began typing a reply. "Did you really just apologize to a text message?"

"Maybe," Hunny said, smiling as well.

"So what did Tamaki want?"

"To let me know how Kyo-chan's doing. He gets migraines, and he had a really bad one today," Hunny explained, seeing Umehito's look of confusion.

"How is he?" Umehito asked, suddenly concerned.

"He says he's feeling better but Tama-chan doesn't believe him. Tama-chan just dropped him off at home and asked his older sister to keep him posted. I hope he feels better soon." A brief pause. "I worry about Kyo-chan."

"Oh?"

"He works too hard," Hunny said, shifting slightly and laying back against Umehito's chest. "And he's getting too thin. I can't remember the last time I saw him eat anything, and I can tell he's not getting enough sleep. Some days he looks like he's just going to fall over. And he's so..._in control _all the time, I can't help but think there's something going on in his head, I don't know, some kind of storm we never see, and the fact that he's always in control is just his way of hiding that he's really a mess. And he never talks to anyone, about anything. I mean I'm pretty sure he talks to Tama-chan and I'm sure that helps him a lot, but I'm pretty sure there are things he doesn't even talk to Tama-chan about. There's something in his eyes, something that's really getting to him that he's keeping from us. And, contrary to popular belief, he's not some kind of cyborg, he really _is_ human. As much as I'd like to believe that Kyo-chan can handle whatever life throws at him because I've never seen _anything_ bother him, I _know_ there's something really getting to him right now."

Umehito nodded slowly. "You really get him," he noted.

"He gives away more than he thinks he does," Hunny said sadly.

"And you notice more than most people think you do."

"Which is how I found you," Hunny said brightly. Umehito smiled radiantly, and Hunny couldn't help but smile back. "You should smile more," he said. "Real smiles. Like that. Not those creepy ones you give the Black Magic Club. Because this..." he trailed off, then reached up and caressed his lover's cheek gently. "This is Ume-chan," he said. "And it's beautiful."

_**XxXxX**_

"Tamaki stop with that senseless racket!"

Tamaki started and pulled his hands away from the piano as his grandmother entered the room. His father entered a second later and gave Tamaki a highly apologetic look. Tamaki smiled.

"Good afternoon, Grandmother," he said politely.

His grandmother sneered. Sensing that Tamaki was upset, Antoinette put herself between Tamaki and his grandmother.

"Get that thing out of here, boy."

"I promise you, Antoinette is very well behaved," the chairman said. "I've never had any problem having her in the house."

"Antoinette," the woman repeated with distaste. "It's an animal. It doesn't need a name, let alone a French one, even if the boy _is_ half French."

The chairman cleared his throat softly.

"This way," he said, gesturing toward the stairs.

"I don't know why you insisted on having this meeting here," his mother said. "With the boy here, and that creature."

"Why I chose Mansion#2 is irrelevant," Yuzuru said sharply. "And I'd appreciate if you'd not speak that way about my son. Now, if you please."

He continued toward the kitchen and his mother followed, pausing as she passed Tamaki, his father not noticing and going ahead.

"Filthy child," she said contemptuously, softly enough that Yuzuru would not hear. Then she smirked as a portion of the pain Tamaki felt came to show in his eyes. Once his grandmother left the room and followed Tamaki's father to the kitchen, Tamaki slunk out of the room and up the stairs, Antoinette following. He slipped into his bedroom and pulled the door shut silently behind him before moving to the bed and lying down, staring at the ceiling. Antoinette hopped up next to him, laying her head on his chest, knowing he was upset. He petted her absentmindedly. After a moment, he rolled onto his side and pulled open the drawer on his bedside table. Carefully, he withdrew the envelope he had hidden under the drawer's various contents. He extracted the letter and once again read over the words he had nearly memorized.

_My dearest Tamaki,_

_It's been so long. Not a day has gone by that I have not missed you terribly. The house is far too quiet without you. Do you still play the piano? I hope so. I miss the lovely music with which you always filled the house. Perhaps I may hear it again someday?_

_What's it like, living with your father? Do they treat you well? I certainly hope so. What about that grandmother of yours? She didn't seem a particularly friendly woman when I met her the day she came to get you. I hear you've made friends with the Ootori boy, Kyoya I think his name is? The youngest one. What's he like? And what's this Host Club your father's told me about? He says you seem to enjoy it. I'm glad._

_Your father tells me you have a girlfriend? What's her name? What is she like? Is she pretty? Where did you meet her? I know I'm asking a lot of questions, but there's so much I want to know. I wish you could tell me in person._

_Only your father knows I've sent you this letter. I know I was never to contact you again, but I can't have that._

_I miss you so much, Tamaki. I love you more than I can possibly express. Please write me back, dearest. It's the closest I'll get to hearing your voice for now._

The smile that had spread across Tamaki's face as he read vanished when he reached the last paragraph. _I miss you so much, Tamaki..._

"I miss you too, Mother," he whispered to himself, a single tear falling from his eye before he could stop it. He stood and walked out into the main part of his room, to his desk. He pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and began to write.

_Mother,_

_I can't possibly explain how happy your letter made me. It couldn't have come at a better time. I've missed you so much, Mother._

_I still play the piano. Almost everyday, unless my grandmother is here. She doesn't like it, I'm not sure why. You're right; she's not the friendliest woman. She doesn't like me. Dad's really nice though. It's hard to imagine the two of them being related. He's a lot like you in some ways, but she's... I don't want to say "horrible," but I think it's the right word._

_Kyoya. Oh, goodness. Kyoya is my best friend in the world. I can't explain it. He's the best friend I could ever ask for. Ever. He's always so good to me, and he's always the first one to know when I'm upset. And I know I have some crazy ideas sometimes, I'm sure you remember them. Kyoya always goes along with them, and I think sometimes he secretly enjoys them. And I think he secretly enjoys scaring me to death, because he does so on a regular basis. He's turned it into an art form, really, scaring the living hell out of me. But he's always five or six steps ahead of everyone; I think he's secretly psychic. God knows he always knows what I'M thinking. But then again, so does Haruhi (the girlfriend Dad told you about). And he's ridiculously intelligent, and insanely talented. He's good at everything. Everything. It's actually kind of scary. A lot of people think he's some kind of emotionless conniving jerk, and he always seems like he has some kind of secret plan or hidden agenda (which he usually does, actually) but he's actually really sweet. Sometimes. Deep down. REALLY deep down._

_Moving on. The Host Club. Another one of my insane ideas, which would completely fall apart without Kyoya's careful supervision. It's my favorite part of the day. I know it sounds ridiculous, but...I can't even say it's not, because it is. But I love it. It's where I met Haruhi. We met by accident, actually. She was looking for a place to study and she found us instead. Quite the opposite. And I thought she was a boy at first (I wasn't the only one, most people outside the Host Club still do think she's a boy, seeing as she dresses like one). She's honestly one of the most wonderful people I have ever met. Probably THE most wonderful, tied with Kyoya. And yes, she's pretty. Especially when we manage to get her in a dress. She's a little...aloof, I guess? Though I mean that in the most endearing way possible. She's wonderful. She's afraid of thunder, and I think it's adorable...actually, I think just about everything about Haruhi is adorable. Except for the fact that she could definitely kill me if I ever gave her a reason too. She's scary when she's mad. But other than that? Completely adorable. And she never thinks about herself. Ever. She constantly puts other people first, which is really sweet, but can get bothersome, because I want her to be happy too, and I feel like she's giving that up for us. She reminds me of you, Mom._

_Anyway. I love you so much Mom. I miss you so much it hurts. I promise the two of us will be together again someday. I love you._

_-Tamaki_

Tamaki folded the paper in half and took it back to his bedside table, placing it gently in the drawer, planning to leave early the next morning and take it to the post office before school. He sighed and lay back down on his bed just in time for his phone to ring, announcing he had a new text message.

_**Kyoya:** are you driving to school tomorrow?_

_Yeah, why? _he texted back. He set the phone down next to him and stared up at the ceiling and petting Antoinette until the phone rang again barely a minute later.

"Damn you, Kyoya, you and your fast texting," Tamaki muttered to himself.

_**Kyoya**: would you mind giving me a ride?_

_No problem_ Tamaki texted back. _What time do you want me to come get you?_ Once the message sent, he texted Haruhi _I'm giving Kyoya a ride too tomorrow. Just thought I'd let you know._

He placed his phone on the bed and pulled his book bag over, extracting his math homework and getting started on it. After a while, the phone rang again but he ignored it and continued working; he was almost finished now and he knew that if he got distracted he likely wouldn't come back to the last word problem. After reading through it three times, he still had no sense of what the problem was asking for. He sighed in frustration, tempted to call Kyoya and ask for help.

"Word problems," he muttered to himself. "The only place where you can buy 63 watermelons at one time and no one wonders why..."

He sighed as the phone rang once again and picked it up.

_**2 new messages**_

_**Kyoya: **whenever you get here is fine. Thank you, Tamaki. I owe you._

_**Haruhi:** alright :)_

Tamaki smiled, texting Haruhi back, _I love you_ before sending Kyoya, _No problem. I'll call you when I'm on my way. _He set the phone down and sighed, focusing again on his homework. After working through the problem six times, producing six different answers (none of which looked particularly promising), and erasing a hole in the paper, he picked up the phone and called Kyoya.

"Hello, Tamaki," Kyoya said upon answering.

"Hey, Kyoya," Tamaki huffed.

Tamaki could almost hear Kyoya's smirk as he said, "A bit frustrated, are we?"

"Yes," Tamaki said. "Have you finished the math homework yet?"

"The watermelon problem?" Kyoya suggested.

Tamaki groaned. "How the hell are you supposed to solve it? I've gotten six different answers so far."

"Try the third formula he gave us. I'm pretty sure I got the right answer with that one."

"I tried that," Tamaki said as he wrote the formula out again, trusting Kyoya's judgment. "I got an error in the calculator, some irrational number."

"You forgot to rationalize the denominator," Kyoya said patiently. "You can't divide by a square root.

There was a pause during which Tamaki scribbled down the numbers again and punched them into the calculator. "Ah," he said. "That's better. Thank you." Tamaki sighed, content, as he pushed the math book away and sprawled luxuriously across the bed. "So, Kyoya, seriously, what time tomorrow? I don't wanna show up before you're conscious, because you know, you might eat me or someth-"

Tamaki stopped talking abruptly as there was a loud bang on Kyoya's end, followed by a loud, angry voice shouting Kyoya's name. There was nothing more than chaotic noise for a moment; the only clearly identifiable sound was that of metal hitting a wall. "I-I'll talk to you later, Tamaki," said a voice that Tamaki knew was Kyoya's but sounded nothing like him; Tamaki had never known Kyoya's voice to tremble so, cracked with terror. Tamaki lowered the phone slowly, fear for his best friend's life clenching at his heart. Did he dare go over now and confirm his fear that the angry voice was that of Kyoya's father? It was late, approaching eleven o' clock. Tamaki rose from the bed and opened his bedroom door silently, slipping his car keys from his pocket as he headed toward the front door. A quick text message to his father would be all it would take to explain his late departure. Before he'd even reached the stairs, however, a voice jarringly different from his father's stopped him in his tracks.

"Just where do you think you're off to?"

Tamaki spun around in surprise. "Grandmother," he said, much more loudly than he'd intended, and the woman scowled.

"Well?" she said.

"There's something I need to take care of," Tamaki said with strained politeness. "And it's rather urgent, so if you'll excuse me-"

"You're not going anywhere, filthy child. For all I know, at this hour, you'd be heading off to meet up with some drug dealer or prostitute or the like."

Tamaki stared, his composure slipping. "I'm not that _stupid_," he said, and before he was even aware that he'd spoken aloud, he was met with a hard slap across the face. He gasped, more from shock than pain, and brought a hand to his cheek, staring at his grandmother.

"How dare you speak to me that way?" the woman nearly snarled.

"A friend of mine is in trouble," Tamaki nearly spat. "I'm going to help him."

"And what help could you possibly hope to offer? You're a worthless product of corruption, and wherever you step fallibility is sure to follow. Whatever predicament this friend of yours finds himself in, you probably had a hand in getting him there, and he'd be far better off if you let him find a way out on his own."

Tamaki stood rooted to the spot as she walked away. He bit his lip to keep it from trembling, sighing angrily and nearly punching the wall in frustration, before walking back into his bedroom. He set his alarm clock for five o' clock, earlier than he usually woke up, in order to accomplish all that he needed to the next morning, and then sat down on the bed, staring at the wall. Antoinette whined, nudging Tamaki's hand with her nose.

"It's alright, Antoinette," he said. "At least it will be. I hope."

Antoinette jumped up onto the bed again and Tamaki wrapped his arms around her, holding her for a few moments before getting up. He then changed quickly into his pajamas and lay down, willing sleep to come and make the night pass faster.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Yay, evil cliff of doom!

The liquefying a kiss thing came from LifelessStar; it's her goal in life to liquefy a hug and keep it in a necklace. And to learn how to fly. Yeah she's a little out there. But hey, if you don't dream big, what's the use in dreaming?

In all honesty, when I proofread this chapter before posting it, the shift from Hunny and Nekozawa to Tamaki made me laugh a little just because it's so abrupt.

The letters were one of the first few things I wrote for this story. They've also undergone more editing than the rest of the story combined, just about. And I still don't think they're quite right. But oh well, at some point the work has to be saved from the author.

I like this concept of the philosophical Hunny who knows more about his friends than they do. And Neko and Hunny are just adorable, I think. They're polar opposites, but they've got this weird cute factor. I thought LifelessStar was kinda crazy when she first mentioned it, but the more I think about it, the cuter it seems (: I love that girl and her strange mind.

Song: _In Joy and Sorrow_ by His Infernal Majesty (HIM)

OH! And a quick note about disclaimers: **THEY DO HAVE A PURPOSE, AND YOU DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE ONE IN EVERY STORY**. Even on FanFiction, and even though you're not getting paid for it, you are PUBLISHING work using someone else's characters and such, and must give credit to the people who created the characters you are using. It's really to cover your own ass (and that of the website owners) if somehow your work shows up somewhere else, so please don't think they're pointless.


	8. Mean

This was one of the first few chapters I wrote by myself. It's pretty short, but I guess that's a good thing; some of the other ones have been hella long.

There is one swear word in this chapter. The first of...well, not many, but there are more later. I apologize if it offends, but I will not be removing it.

This chapter also contains self-harm, which will continue to come up periodically.

Oh, and this chapter starts with a song. I'm pretty sure it's the only one that does.

This chapter's title song is _Mean_ by Pink.

I do not own Ouran High School Host Club. If I did, Nekozawa would get more screen time, because I think he's **adorable****.**

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

_Empty spaces. What are we living for? Abandoned places. I guess we know the score. On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for? Another hero, another mindless crime. Behind the curtain, in the pantomime. Oh the lie, does anybody want to live it anymore? The show must go on. The show must go on. Inside my heart is breaking, my makeup may be flaking, but my smile still stays on._

Tamaki examined his handiwork, his conversation with his grandmother still ringing in his head as tears streamed down his face and he lowered his shaking hand to rinse the blade. The wine-red liquid cleared within seconds under the faucet. He then wet part of the once-white towel in his hand, using it to wipe the remnants of drying blood from his arm before beginning to bandage the neatly carved wounds. They weren't deep, but they stung enough to achieve their purpose. Tossing the bloodstained towel aside, once again glad he'd asked the maids not to clean his room for him, he wiped the tears away from his eyes and headed back into the main part of his room, crawling back into bed. Antoinette settled herself in next to him, her big brown eyes fixed almost knowingly on the bandage on his arm. Tamaki sighed and stroked her head anxiously.

"I know, Antoinette," he whispered. "I'm not proud of it."

_**XxXxX**_

Hikaru awoke with a start, jerking upright and gasping for breath. Beads of sweat rolled down his face and his heart raced. He looked around the room in panic, his eyes landing on Kaoru, who was standing next to the bed, looking frightened.

"I was about to wake you," Kaoru said shakily. "You were screaming. Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Hikaru lied, tears welling up in his eyes. He turned away from his brother's concerned face. "Go back to sleep, Kaoru."

There was a groan of bedsprings as Kaoru sat back down on the bed, wrapping his arms around Hikaru from behind. Hikaru pulled away, walking over to the window and opening it slightly; as he leaned on the sill, a cool breeze played across his sweaty face. Kaoru walked up beside him.

"What was it about this time?" he asked gently.

"It's nothing, Kaoru," Hikaru said. Kaoru gripped his brother's hand, knowing he was lying. "I don't want to talk about it."

Kaoru nodded, accepting the answer. Hikaru's mind wandered back to the dream. He sighed, frustrated, as more tears came to his eyes, and shook his head. Seduced to tears by a dream. And not for the first time. He felt weak, pathetic, and intensely vulnerable. _You were screaming_... He had woken Kaoru. Again. And here Kaoru was, standing by his side, swallowing his bullshit answers, his lies. Holding his hand. Not angry with him, as he should be. Worried.

After a few minutes, Hikaru sighed and began to speak, still not looking at his brother. "I was drowning," he said. "Something dragged me down and I couldn't get back up. I swam as fast as I could, but I couldn't hold my breath anymore." As he explained he could feel himself struggling through the dark water, could taste it, could feel it flooding down his throat, choking his lungs. He gasped; Kaoru gripped his hand tighter.

"You're alright, Hikaru," he said. "I'm here, you're safe. It's okay."

"Thank you," Hikaru whispered.

Kaoru squeezed his hand and pulled him back to the bed. After a considerable pause, Kaoru asked again, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Hikaru said, not entirely truthfully.

"You had a drowning one last night too," Kaoru said, concerned. "You don't usually have nightmares two nights in a row, especially not about the same thing. Is something bothering you?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Hikaru said again, impatiently, and Kaoru could tell he meant it this time.

"You talk to me about everything," Kaoru said, slightly taken aback and slightly hurt.

"Yeah, well, not this," Hikaru said, almost fiercely.

Kaoru bit his lip to keep it from trembling and swallowed hard against the knot that rose to his throat. "Okay," he said.

Hikaru heard the forced calm in his brother's voice and he softened. "I'm sorry, Kaoru, I-"

"It's okay," Kaoru said, though it did not sound as honest as he had intended. And Hikaru might have believed him, if a tear didn't fall from his eyes.

Hikaru hugged his brother tightly. "I love you," he whispered in Kaoru's ear.

"I love you too," Kaoru said, hugging back with just as much force. Hikaru pulled away first, looking deep into Kaoru's eyes.

"Thank you," he said sincerely. "For everything."

Kaoru gave a weak smile. "Try to get some sleep, Hikaru," he said.

Kaoru lay back down, facing away from Hikaru, a single tear falling from his eyes. He willed more sleep to show itself just so morning would come faster and he could talk to Kyoya.

Hikaru stared up at the ceiling, knowing he would not get back to sleep after the nightmare. He never did. He hadn't the night before either, and he was exhausted. But forcing oneself to sleep was generally unproductive. He sighed, knowing his only option was to wait out the time until morning. He glanced at the clock, which read 3:20 AM. Only 3 hours till he had to get up for school. He settled himself in for the wait.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Ok so I think this scene was cuter in my head. But anyway, I like the turn of events, with Kaoru comforting Hikaru instead of the other way around like it usually is.

Song: _The Show Must Go On_ by Queen


	9. That's What You Get

One of my favorite scenes in the whole story is in this chapter. I got really excited to put this one up (: I hope you guys like it.

This chapter is...different. This chapter kinda dives headfirst into "angst" and the story stays there for a little while. Also, this is a long one; it was originally 2 chapters but I mushed them together.

This chapter's song is _That's What You Get_ by Paramore.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Kyoya was already awake when his alarm clock went off, silent tears flowing down his face. He reached over to silence the beeping. It hurt. He sighed; apparently, he'd taken more damage than he thought the night before. He stood and stretched gingerly, nearly falling back to the bed, but regaining his balance. He set his iPod in the dock and pressed play as he proceeded to get ready for school.

_And I try. Oh my god, do I try. I try all the time in this institution. And I pray. Oh my god, do I pray. I pray every single day for revolution. And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed just to get it all out, what's in my head, and I'm feeling a little peculiar. And I wake in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high, and I scream from the top of my lungs, "What's going on?"_

He limped into the bathroom, peering into the mirror; a disheveled, distraught, desperately frightened boy met his gaze as he assessed the damage and estimated the cost of repairs. He wiped away the traitor tears, immensely irritated by their presence. He shed his pajama shirt and examined the new bruises, dark splotches of purple and blue spattering his too-thin chest and aching with each shaky inhale.

_Breathe_, he reminded himself. _In and out. Slower. That's it, you can do this._

_Stop limping. Pretend that knee isn't searing with pain. Pretend your entire body isn't aching with every movement. Pretend you can do this. Hold you head high, pretend you can take on the world._

_Now smile. Don't forget to smile._

_Don't forget to look as though you're unbreakable, as though you aren't already broken._

He used to be able to think. He couldn't now, was afraid to, afraid to delve into his own mind, afraid of what he would find if he did. _Don't think. Don't ever think again._

He reached into the drawer to his right, pulling out a half-full plastic bottle, from which he took a large swig. It had a bitingly unpleasant taste, but he wasn't drinking it for flavor; this was the key in his quest for life without thought, the key to escaping the terror of what even the slightest musing could bring him. He drained the rest in one gulp and made a face, proceeding to brush his teeth as though this routine were ordinary.

Over the past few weeks, it had been.

He returned to his bedroom and dressed quickly, uniform shirt buttoned carefully to hide the bruises. _Mustn't let them be seen. Mustn't forget to smile._

The vodka took effect quickly, working its way through his veins. Efficiently. Like Kyoya.

He cursed himself for having come to this.

Another long, hard look in the mirror. Breaths even, tears locked behind his eyes. Thoughts, images still running rampant through his mind, _but that's okay_, he told himself. _You can take it. You can take it. You are Kyoya and you are fearless._

_Now breathe. Smile. And go._

_**XxXxX**_

Kaoru awoke the next morning and looked over to see Hikaru still lying awake, his eyes red with tears and underlined with dark circles. Kaoru sat up and looked down at his brother.

"Did you ever get back to sleep?" he asked, concerned.

Hikaru shook his head. "Might have dozed off for a little once or twice," he muttered. "But not really, no."

"That's two nights now you haven't slept."

"I know."

"Are you okay?"

Hikaru nodded. "I'm fine."

Kaoru narrowed his eyes. "You haven't slept in two nights, you've been having nightmares and you're laying here crying. Hikaru, you're not okay."

"If you already knew the answer then why did you ask?" Hikaru asked.

"That's not the point," Kaoru said, impatiently concerned.

"I'm fine, Kaoru," Hikaru said, rolling over to face away from his brother.

"You know," Kaoru said. "When you say you're okay and then look away from me, it just makes me that much more sure you're not okay."

Hikaru sighed and rolled back over, staring up at his brother.

"Better?" he said.

"Not really," Kaoru answered. Hikaru rolled his eyes, rolling back onto his side. "You want to be alone," Kaoru said.

"Kind of," Hikaru admitted.

"Okay," Kaoru said simply, rising from the bed and heading for the bathroom. "I'm gonna go take a shower. See you in a bit."

"Kay," Hikaru said flatly.

Kaoru grabbed his iPod and carried it to the bathroom, where he set it up in the speaker on the counter and hit play before turning on the water. He simply stood for a moment, letting his thoughts run themselves in circles through his head as the steam began to swirl. He sang along mindlessly with his music, his thoughts still with Hikaru.

"_Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box on the table? They just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin..._"

_**XxXxX**_

Tamaki awoke slowly. It had been a while since he'd used his alarm clock rather than the alarm on his phone to wake him up; it took a moment to register the annoying beep, but he finally reached over and smacked the alarm clock to silence it. He dragged himself out of the bed before staggering into the bathroom for a quick shower. He closed his eyes as the hot water washed over him, allowing a momentary catharsis before moving on to the day's tasks. He pulled his school uniform on quickly, carefully buttoning the bottoms of the shirtsleeves, ensuring they covered the scabbed over cuts on his wrists. He sighed sadly, ashamed that he had come to this; he was supposed to be the strong one. He was always assuring his friends they could talk to him and he would help them, yet here he was, unable to even help himself.

He shoved his phone in his pocket before grabbing his letter out of the drawer of his bedside table and slipping it into the inside pocket of his jacket. He shouldered his book bag and headed for the kitchen, nearly crashing into his father at the foot of the stairs.

"What are you doing here?" Tamaki asked, slightly surprised.

"I left something here last night," Yuzuru answered. "I came by to get it. I didn't expect to see you, though. You're up awfully early this morning."

Tamaki nodded absentmindedly. "I have something to do before school today," he said softly. His father narrowed his eyes for a moment, and then nodded, apparently guessing at Tamaki's intentions. Tamaki wondered vaguely how far off his father's guess was. "And Kyoya needs a ride to school," Tamaki added on.

"Is their chauffer busy this morning?"

Tamaki shrugged, taking the cover off the tray of blueberry muffins on the counter and grabbing one. He smiled sadly; blueberry muffins were his mother's specialty. "He didn't say," he said, peeling the paper away from the bottom of the muffin. "He just asked if I could give him a ride."

Yuzuru waited for his son to say more. When he didn't, the chairman asked, "Is Kyoya alright? I saw him on his way into school a few days ago. He looked ill."

Tamaki took a bite of his muffin in silence.

When it became apparent that Tamaki was not going to answer, his father continued. "He's getting thinner," he said. "Too thin."

_So I'm not the only one who's noticed_, thought Tamaki. He took another bite of muffin.

"Tamaki," his father sighed. "Is something wrong?" No response. "With Kyoya? With you? In the Host Club?" No answer. "Tamaki, answer me. Talk to me, say something, please. What's wrong?"

"I have to go," Tamaki said shortly, leaving the kitchen quickly before his father could see the tears of frustration that were rising to his eyes. His father called after him, but Tamaki ignored him, stalking out to the garage and getting into his car. He set the muffin in one of the cup holders and fumbled with his keys, trying to start the car. Tears rolled down his face as he hit the garage door opener hastily before jamming his iPod into the speaker and pressing play and driving off, entirely too fast.

_Chev brakes are snarling as you stumble across the road. But the day breaks instead, so you hurry home. Don't let the sun blast your shadow. Don't let the milk float ride your mind. You're so natural, religiously unkind. Oh no love! You're not alone. You're watching yourself but you're too unfair. You've got your head all tangled up, but if I could only make you care. Oh no love, you're not alone, no matter what or who you're been, no matter when or where you've seen, all the knives seem to lacerate your brain. I've had my share, I'll help you with the pain. You're not alone. Just turn on with me, and you're not alone. Let's turn on with me, and you're not alone. Let's turn around and be not alone. Just give me your hand, because you're wonderful. Give me your hand, because you're wonderful. Oh, give me your hand.  
><em>

_**XxXxX**_

Kaoru walked back into the bedroom fifteen minutes later, wrapped snugly in his bathrobe. Hikaru rose from the bed as he entered, heading for the shower himself. Kaoru sighed and got dressed, then sat down on the bed. It was just after 6 o' clock, nearly half an hour before he usually woke up, let alone was almost ready to leave. He grabbed his phone off the nightstand and, almost hesitantly, texted Kyoya _Are you awake?_ It was too early to expect a reply, but after a moment, his phone buzzed.

_**Kyoya:** Yeah. Why?_

_Awake, or just not asleep? With you there's a difference._

He waited another moment.

_**Kyoya: **Really awake. Why, is something wrong?_

_I'll explain later. Can we meet up before class? I want to talk to you._

Hikaru reentered the room before Kyoya texted back, dressing in silence. He picked up his bag and headed for the door, then turned to Kaoru, who was still sitting on the bed.

"You coming?" he said.

Kaoru blinked, and then whipped his head around to look at his brother. "Yeah," he said, distracted. "Give me a second."

He stood, sliding his phone into his pocket and snatching up his bag before following Hikaru out the door and down the stairs, into the kitchen. The cook was just finishing making breakfast as they walked in. She smiled brightly at them, a gesture that Kaoru returned but Hikaru could not quite manage. The two of them took their seats at the table, not looking at each other, each lost in his own thoughts. Kaoru pulled his phone out as it buzzed again.

_**Kyoya:** Sure. Where do you want to meet up? In front of the library?_

_That works,_ Kaoru texted back. _I have to return a book anyway._

He put the phone away as the cook set a plate down in front of him. He smiled at her. "Thank you," he said. She nodded and set Hikaru's plate down too. After several minutes, Kaoru had made a considerable dent in his food, while Hikaru appeared to be rearranging his rather than eating it.

"Hikaru, are you alright?" Kaoru asked.

Hikaru nodded.

"Eat something," Kaoru said, almost imploringly.

Hikaru took a bite.

"Hikaru," Kaoru said.

"Please don't," Hikaru said before Kaoru could continue speaking. "I know what you're going to say, and I'm not particularly interested."

Kaoru nodded and fell silent again, not wanting to argue with his brother. Having suddenly lost his appetite, he scraped the remainder of his food into the trashcan and placed the plate in the sink. Hikaru did the same.

"You hardly touched your food," Kaoru said, worried.

"I'm not hungry," Hikaru said simply.

Still not convinced, Kaoru picked up his bag again and the two of them headed out the door.

_**XxXxX**_

After what might be considered reckless driving, Tamaki arrived at the post office before the first song had ended on his iPod. He sat in the car for a moment, trying to compose himself. He wiped his eyes hurriedly on his sleeves and took several deep breaths before finally cutting the engine and getting out of the car. He sighed as he entered the building. He strode directly to the counter; no one else was there at just before six-thirty in the morning. He forced a smile at the man behind the counter as he handed him the letter. The transaction was completed quickly and Tamaki walked back to his car, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Kyoya answered on the first ring, somewhat to Tamaki's surprise.

"Hey, Tamaki," he said. Tamaki searched his friend's tone for something, anything, which may indicate something was wrong; there was none.

"Hi," Tamaki said slowly. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah," Kyoya said.

"Okay. I'll be there soon."

"Alright. Thanks again, Tamaki."

"No problem. See you soon."

Tamaki drove off, much closer to the speed limit this time, and reached Kyoya's house in ten minutes. He strode up to the door and rang the bell; Kyoya himself answered, much to his surprise.

"Hello," Kyoya said with a smile.

Tamaki smiled back, almost easily; Kyoya's calm was just as contagious as his fear, it seemed. "Good morning," Tamaki said. "Or is it too early for that?"

Kyoya laughed. "I've been up for a while, Tamaki," he said. "You're safe. Now let's get going, before Haruhi starts to think you've forgotten her."

There was something strange about Kyoya's tone. The bit about Haruhi seemed to have been added on, almost like a cover-up. Tamaki frowned. As they walked out to the car, he could not help but notice that Kyoya was limping slightly. Tears pricked at Tamaki's eyes again, but he fought them back; it was important he not get upset. When they reached the car, Kyoya slid into the back seat to leave the front open for Haruhi. Tamaki appreciated this gesture and did not at the same time; it would be easier to keep his own composure if he could not see Kyoya's face, but by the same token, it would be more difficult to get Kyoya to cooperate if he could not look him in the eyes. He sighed and addressed his best friend.

"Kyoya what happened last night?" he asked.

There was an almost imperceptible pause before Kyoya said flatly, "Nothing, why?"

"Bullshit," Tamaki said. "Kyoya. What happened last night?"

Kyoya sighed. "Tamaki," he said, but Tamaki cut him off.

"Don't try to tell me nothing happened, Kyoya, I heard something on the phone last night, someone was yelling at you and I heard something hit the wall, and now you're limping. Now tell me what happened, god dammit, or so help me-"

"Tamaki," Kyoya said loudly. "Before I tell you anything, you'll slow the hell down."

Tamaki glanced down at the speedometer and nearly gasped in shock; he was doing more than three times the speed limit. Mentally promising himself he would never again drive when he was upset, he slowed the car down to a more reasonable speed.

"Thank you," Kyoya said.

Tamaki took a deep breath. "Let's face it, Kyoya," he said, his tone softening. "You're a bad liar. At least when it comes to this kind of thing. You always have been. Or maybe I know you too well and that's the problem. But however you put it, something happened last night, something bad. And you need to tell me what it was. Because you're my best friend and I'm worried about you. Maybe more so than I should be, but even so. Please, Kyoya."

Kyoya sighed. "Yes, something happened last night," he said. "Yes, I got hurt. But I'm fine. And I don't want to talk about it yet. Is that an acceptable answer?"

"For now," Tamaki said as they pulled up to Haruhi's apartment building. "But only because Haruhi will be here soon. You'll tell me at some point."

"I will," Kyoya promised.

"Okay," Tamaki said, opening his door. "I'll be right back."

_**XxXxX**_

Haruhi looked up at the sound of a car pulling up; a glance out the window showed her Tamaki's green convertible in front of her apartment. She shouldered her bag and walked into the kitchen, where her father was sitting at the table, reading the paper; the image would have been almost comical, stereotypically fatherly, if he weren't dressed for work. But then again, the skirt and heels made it that much more laughable. She smiled as she said, "Dad, Tamaki's here."

Ranka looked up from the paper and smiled at his daughter. "Have a good day, Haruhi," he said.

"You too," Haruhi said, turning toward the door as Tamaki knocked. She pulled it open and looked up into his deep purple eyes; they held a bizarre mixture of anxiety and crushing sadness. "What's wrong?" she asked softly.

Tamaki shook his head. "It's nothing," he said. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah," Haruhi said, not at all convinced. She called over her shoulder, "Bye, Dad."

"Good-bye, Haruhi," Ranka called back.

The two of them walked down the stairs to the street. As always, Tamaki opened her door for her. She smiled at Kyoya, who was sitting in the back.

"You could have sat up front it you wanted, Kyoya-senpai," she said.

Kyoya smiled back. "It's fine, Haruhi."

Tamaki slid into the driver's seat and started the car. His eyes held the same expression they had before, and Haruhi stared at him. They got to the school about half an hour early, as usual, and got out of the car. Once they were in the building, Kyoya headed off, saying something about going to the library. Tamaki drew a shaky breath as Kyoya walked away.

"What?" Haruhi asked.

"Watch him," Tamaki whispered brokenly. "He's limping."

Haruhi spun around and watched as Kyoya walked away from them; he was definitely favoring his left leg. She looked back at Tamaki as Kyoya turned a corner and vanished from sight.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I don't know," Tamaki said. "He won't tell me."

_**XxXxX**_

"Uuuummmee-chaaannnn!" Hunny called brightly as he wrenched open the door to the Black Magic Club, having arrived early specifically to see him without interference from Takashi.

"Good morning, Mitzkuni," Umehito said. "What brings you here so early?"

"More cake," Hunny said simply, as though it were obvious. "And Belzeneth," he added, smiling as he handed the curse doll to Umehito. "He was with Usa-chan. I meant to bring him back yesterday, but Takashi was watching. I hope you didn't miss him too much."

"Thank you," Nekozawa said gratefully as he slipped Belzeneth over his hand. "I did miss him. But I'm glad he and Usa-chan seem to be getting along."

Hunny's smile widened as he and Umehito headed back into the music room for cake.

_**XxXxX**_

"Hey Hikaru?" Kaoru said as they headed for the classroom. "I'll see you in class. I have to return a book to the library."

Hikaru nodded, looking thoroughly exhausted. Kaoru turned from his brother and walked away, biting his lip to keep the tears at bay. A few of the girls he passed on his way to the library waved and called his name, but he ignored them.

Kyoya was waiting for him outside the library, and he looked up at the sound of his approach. Once he met Kyoya's eyes, the composure he had summoned for Hikaru's sake dissolved, and every ounce of confusion, sadness, fear, and self-loathing he felt surged forward in a wave that threatened to crush him. Instantly, he flung himself into Kyoya's arms.

Kyoya tired hard not to cringe when the boy's weight pressed against the bruises. _Breathe_, repeated his mind, over and over. _Breathe. Just block it out, don't think. Don't ever ever ever think. Now, back to Kaoru._

"What happened?" he asked, kind but urgent, as he pulled the boy into an empty classroom to avoid the stares.

"Hikaru," Kaoru said miserably. "He's upset about something, and he won't talk to me. He's been having nightmares, and he can't get back to sleep afterwards, and he's not eating-"

"I thought he had nightmares anyway," Kyoya said, easily falling into this role.

"He does," Kaoru said, "but almost never two nights in a row. And never about the same thing twice in a row even when there are nights in between."

"Ah," Kyoya said. "What have the nightmares been about this time?"

"Drowning," said Kaoru. He started to say more, but the tears intensified to the point that he could barely breathe, let alone speak.

Kyoya took him in his arms again. _Not a role,_ he decided. "Shhhh," he whispered. "Calm down."

"We were out on a boat the summer before high school," Kaoru said, his voice muffled as he spoke into Kyoya's shoulder. "And he fell. He's never been a great swimmer, and the water was really rough that day. My mother held me back, she didn't want me to get hurt, she didn't want me to go in after him, but I had to, he was drowning. But it took me a while to get away from her, and-" he broke off sobbing, and then forced himself to keep speaking. "I was almost too late. He woke up and pulled away but he couldn't get all the water out of his lungs, but I couldn't help him, he couldn't breathe and he wouldn't let anyone touch him, he was so scared. We called an ambulance and he was in the hospital for three days, and he's had nightmares about it ever since."

Kaoru was approaching hysterics. Kyoya was fighting not to cry himself; it was clear that Kaoru had never shared this story before, and that it still haunted him just as much as it tormented Hikaru.

"Shhhh," Kyoya said soothingly as Kaoru sobbed into his shoulder. "It's okay, Kaoru. Shh, calm down. It's not your fault. You saved his life, it's not your fault."

Kaoru shook his head. "He wouldn't be afraid of water if I'd gotten there sooner," he said.

"You did everything you could, Kaoru," Kyoya said firmly. "It's not your fault he fell. It's not your fault your mother held you back when you tried to go after him. You went in after him, and you saved his life. It's not your fault, Kaoru."

Kaoru cried harder, but it was a distinctly different sound; he was beginning to forgive himself.

"What else?" Kyoya said as Kaoru quieted down and began to pull away. Kaoru looked confusedly up at him. Kyoya rolled his eyes with a sigh. "Kaoru, what else?" he said again.

Kaoru hesitated. "I know why he won't tell me," he said. "He doesn't want to upset me. He feels like he has to be the strong one, and I-" Kaoru stopped abruptly, his eyes meeting Kyoya's again, and Kyoya knew that he'd started to say something he didn't intend to say. Kyoya watched him expectantly, and, after a sizable pause, Kaoru sighed, deciding to just say it. "He feels like he has to be the strong one," he said again. "And I can kind of understand where he gets that feeling, since I get overwhelmed so easily. I mean look at me, he has a couple bad dreams and I'm in here crying my eyes out all over you. And he doesn't tell me why because he thinks I'll worry, but doesn't he realize that by not telling me he's just making me worry more? I thought he knew me better than that. But I guess he doesn't, he didn't notice I was upset when I headed down here. And I'm sorry I'm just kind of babbling at you."

"You're fine," Kyoya assured him. "We still have twenty minutes before we have to head for class, and if babbling helps you, then go right ahead. At least you stand still when you babble."

"What?"

Kyoya sighed slightly. "Tamaki paces when he rants," he explained. "Well, not really _paces_, because pacing follows a _pattern_. He just kind of _wanders_. It's almost enough to give me motion sickness. At least you stand still."

Kaoru half-smiled.

"I'm not good at comforting people," Kyoya said, almost apologetically. "So I more or less just distract them. Which works for some people. Including Tamaki, luckily."

"You're plenty good at comforting people," Kaoru reassured him. "Being a good listener is a big part of it."

"Well I'm about to make an attempt at advice-giving," Kyoya said. "So I'm terribly sorry." The other half of Kaoru's smile appeared on his face before Kyoya continued speaking. "You're worried about your brother," he said. "There's nothing to be ashamed of in that. There's nothing _weak_ about that," he added forcefully, looking deep into Kaoru's liquid-topaz eyes. "Everyone, once in a while, does what Hikaru's doing right now, keeping things a secret to keep the people they love from worrying. He'll tell you eventually. Just be there for him when he does." Kaoru nodded, and Kyoya took him gently in his arms.

"I'm glad I came to talk to you, Kyoya-senpai," he said after a long pause.

"Me too," Kyoya said sincerely. "I'm glad you're not keeping this to yourself."

He felt Kaoru's smile against the side of his neck and wished he could match it, but the bruises on his chest reminded him forcefully of their presence as Kaoru wrapped his arms around him. His knee throbbed horribly, begging him to take his weight off of it. He shoved these thoughts aside, holding Kaoru.

"Are you alright?" he asked when, after a few minutes, Kaoru pulled away. Kaoru nodded, wiping his eyes again. "Go wash your face," Kyoya said gently. "You look like hell."

Kaoru sighed. "I know," he said as the two of them exited the room and headed for the bathroom down the hall. Kaoru splashed the cold water on his face, careful to keep it out of his hair and off of his uniform. He dried his face quickly, turning to Kyoya in time to see him checking his watch.

"We should get to class," Kyoya said, regret in his eyes. Kaoru nodded and the two of them headed toward their respective classrooms. Hikaru was seated at his desk, chatting lightly with Haruhi, and looked up at the sound of Kaoru's approach, the smile on his face at least mostly genuine. Kaoru returned it.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Ok, so, the Hunny and Nekozawa scene was one of the very first things we wrote for this story. And the Kyoya and Kaoru one at the end is one of my favorites. I had a lot of fun writing it (: It was also one of the scenes that took the longest to write, because Kyoya kept not doing what I wanted him to. I hope you guys liked it as much as I did.

Songs:

_What's Going On_ by 4 Non-Blondes

_There's a Good Reason Those Tables Are Numbered, Honey, You Just Haven't Thought of it Yet_ by Panic! at the Disco (this song has **no** relevance to the plot, please do not attempt to find any...)

_Rock & Roll_ Suicide by David Bowie (I took a little poetic license with this one; I say Tamaki got there before the song was over, but I put the last line of the song in there. Oh well.)

There was another song I wanted to put in this chapter, but I figured 3 (or 2 and a half I guess) was enough. I guess I'll put it in later.


	10. Scream

The song for this chapter is _Scream_ by Tokio Hotel.

Ouran = still not mine. But that plot is in progress (evil laugh).

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

A group of girls sat at a table near the center of the lunchroom, having fallen silent as their conversation drew to a close. Akane, a third year student with chin-length black hair, bright green eyes, and a razor-sharp temper, glanced around the room, her eyes landing on a boy sitting alone at a table near the far window. She rolled her eyes and turned back to her food as one of her friends looked around quickly to see what Akane was scoffing at.

"Poor Haruhi, sitting all by himself," said Nibiki, a kind-hearted second year with doe eyes and long chestnut colored hair, and a frequent guest of the Host Club who was quite fond of the scholarship student; it always pained her to see Haruhi sitting alone at lunch or being ridiculed by the less sympathetic students.

"Of course he's sitting by himself," Akane said with a sneer. "Who'd want to sit with the commoner?"

Nibiki's eyes narrowed in distaste with her friend's attitude. "Haruhi's very nice," she said. "You should spend an afternoon with him in the Host Club, you'll see."

Akane laughed wryly. "An afternoon with the host club," she scoffed. "Right. Maybe after that I'll go out to dinner with the black magic club."

"Nekozawa's in your class," Nibiki said. "Have you ever actually talked to him? He's sweet. I saw him talking to Hunny-senpai yesterday-"

"Honinozuka?" Akane said. "Cake boy? I'd like to step on him."

Nibiki opened her mouth to say something, but was silenced as someone tapped Akane on the shoulder and she turned.

"You don't want to let me catch you talking about Mitzkuni or Haruhi like that again," Mori said, eyes narrowed in distaste. "Trust me."

Akane smirked, and then turned back to her food, her flamboyance put out by Mori, who smiled slightly at Nibiki, nodding his thanks to her before walking away. Nibiki smiled smugly at Akane before rising and walking away herself. She passed by the table where Haruhi sat staring out the window, apparently lost in thought, and stopped.

"Haruhi?" she said. Haruhi blinked and looked at her. "Are you alright? You look upset."

There was a short pause before Haruhi said, trying to sound off-hand, "I'm fine, thank you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Haruhi said. "Just thinking about some things."

Nibiki nodded.

"Will we be seeing you this afternoon?" Haruhi asked her genially.

"Definitely," Nibiki said. "There aren't many meetings left this year, I wouldn't miss them for the world."

"I look forward to seeing you," Haruhi said. Nibiki smiled and walked away, and Haruhi sighed, turning back to the table. Her food sat in front of her, untouched. She stared out the window, her thoughts reaching far beyond the Ouran Academy's elaborate, somewhat lavish lunchroom. She was brought back again when she heard a noise near her, and she looked around to see Hunny sitting across the table, sliding a plate over to her.

"Hi, Hunny-senpai," she said.

"Cake," Hunny said simply, pushing the plate closer to her. "You looked sad. I thought you could use some."

"Thank you, Hunny-senpai," she said, pushing it back to him. "But I'm not a big fan of chocolate."

"It's not chocolate," Hunny said, pushing the cake to Haruhi again, sounding almost laughably serious. "Look at it, it's strawberry. You like strawberries, I know you do, I asked Tama-chan."

Haruhi stared at him warily for a moment, but picked up her fork and took a bite of the cake. Hunny smiled brightly, and Haruhi couldn't help but smile back a little. She was glad to have his company, but at the same time she wanted to be alone. Her smile faded and she set the fork down. Hunny frowned, his brow furrowing in concern; the expression did not suit his adorable, usually care-free features.

"What's wrong, Haru-chan?" he asked.

Haruhi shook her head. "It's nothing."

Hunny's frown deepened. "Haru-chan," he said. "What's wrong?"

"Just thinking about stuff," she said.

"What _kind_ of stuff?" Hunny prodded.

Haruhi sighed. "Lots of stuff," she said.

"Is something wrong with Tama-chan?" Hunny guessed, knowing that would upset her.

Haruhi nodded sadly. "His grandmother's been giving him a really hard time," she said. Hunny's face darkened, his hatred of Tamaki's grandmother shining clear. "I know, I don't like her either. He introduced us the other day, formally. She just gave me this _look_, and... I'm pretty sure she hates me."

"She probably does," Hunny said simply. "No offense, Haru-chan," he added.

"I know," she said. "She doesn't like anyone, according to Tamaki. And he hates it. When she talked to me, she used this nasty, contemptuous, condescending tone, and Tamaki was getting really upset, and she could tell. And I mean _really_ upset. He looked like he was about to cry. He finally told her he didn't like the way she was talking to me and she just gave him this smug little smile and walked away. He was so mad."

"I would have been too," Hunny said. "You're better than that, Haru-chan."

Haruhi smiled. "Thank you, Hunny-senpai," she said. Then she shook her head and continued. "We thought she left after that but apparently she was still there. Tamaki was playing the piano and she came in and started yelling at him. I told her that I'd asked him to play for me and she turned around and started yelling at me, and Tamaki got into a huge fight with her about it. He was really upset."

"Tama-chan's been acting different lately," Hunny said, concerned. "Before, when his grandmother did something that upset him, he just smiled and let it go. But now he's actually letting her see that he's getting upset. And it's just making her worse."

"I know," Haruhi said. "He tries not to react around her, but it's getting harder for him to stay quiet. There's a lot going on in his head and she knows it."

Hunny gave her a questioning look.

Haruhi sighed, trying to figure out where to begin. Finding that it didn't particularly matter, she decided to start with Kyoya.

"Have you seen Kyoya-senpai today?" she asked. When Hunny nodded, she asked, "Did you notice that he was limping?"

Again, Hunny nodded, asking, "Do you know what happened?"

"I have a hunch," Haruhi muttered.

"I think we all do," Hunny said sadly. "It's just a matter of when Kyo-chan will be willing to admit we're right."

"More like _if_ Kyoya will be willing to admit it," Haruhi said.

"No," said Hunny firmly, his face darkening again. "Not if. When. He'll tell us, if the whole Host Club has to force it out of him."

"That was oddly gloomy of you, Hunny-senpai," Haruhi said, slightly alarmed.

"We all love Kyo-chan," Hunny said, back to himself, as though nothing had happened. "And he knows that. We all worry about him. And I think we all know what happened to him, and I'm pretty sure he knows we know. So I don't know why he hasn't said anything about it yet."

"He's probably afraid that if he says something, his father will find out that he said something," Haruhi said. "And he probably would, since we all know we're going to make a big fuss about it. He's probably afraid of how his father will react."

Hunny nodded. "Kyo-chan's seemed upset lately too," he said. "Like Tama-chan. Things are getting to him more." He paused for a moment before saying, "Anyway. We were talking about Tama-chan."

"Right," Haruhi said. "He misses his mother. A lot. He's actually been crying about it. When he plays the piano in Club, it's for her. His grandmother won't let him play at home, and being able to play the piano is the one thing that kept him going in that house."

"It does calm him down, doesn't it?" Hunny said, remembering the serene smile Tamaki held as his hands flew across the keys in the music room.

Haruhi smiled and nodded. "He's a different person when he's at the piano," she said. "He's more _free_, not trying to impress anyone, not trying to please anyone, just _Tamaki_, like he used to be." She sighed. "And she's trying to take that from him," she said. "That and the Host Club, and anything else that helps keep him sane that she can get her hands on."

"She's trying to get rid of the Host Club?" Hunny said, incredulous and angry; Haruhi was right, the Host Club was one of the few things that kept Tamaki's sanity intact. Taking it away would destroy him.

Haruhi nodded, her eyes flashing angrily. "She has expressed to his father her distaste with the organization," she said, mocking the woman's official tone. "Meaning, _'it makes him happy and I won't have it'_. She wants the Club disbanded, but Tamaki's father won't allow it."

"Go Chairman Suoh," said Hunny.

Haruhi smiled. "My thoughts exactly," she said. "He knows how important it is to Tamaki. I love Mr. Souh." Haruhi almost smiled, but then spoke again. "Speaking of the Host Club," she said. "Tamaki feels like he's letting us down lately. He hasn't been able to come up with as many new plans, and he's stressing out about it. His heart's still in it, but his head isn't."

"Is Tama-chan's head ever in anything?" Hunny asked. "Other than the clouds, I mean."

Haruhi's next statement was lost in giggles. "No," she said. "No, it's really not."

Hunny joined in her laughter, happy to see Haruhi smiling for the first time in a few days.

"Thank you, Hunny-senpai," she said after a moment. "It's been nice to be able to tell someone all this. And to know I'm not the only one who's noticed."

"It's no problem, Haru-chan," Hunny said sincerely. "You know you can talk to us, we're always here."

"I know," Haruhi said with a sigh. "I don't know why I always need someone to remind me."

"Because you're stubborn," Hunny said simply. "You don't want us to worry about you. We all do it, and we all chastise each other for it. You'd think we'd learn."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Philosophical Hunny returns! I like him.

This chapter was originally later in the story and I moved it back, then moved a bunch of things around it and then we pretty much rewrote the whole story because I messed up the time line ridiculously. But it's fixed now, mostly thanks to the lovely LifelessStar pointing out, "Hey, we can't talk about that because it hasn't happened yet." That chick is _**awesome.**_

Anyway, please let us know how we're doing (:


	11. Little Bird

I would like to thank all of the wonderful people who are reading this, and all of the wonderful people who have reviewed this story (: You guys make me happy.

Did you know that it's possible to get water poisoning? Like, you can get sick from drinking too much water. That struck me as rather fascinating. Because I'm a nerd. Anway, on with the story. I like this chapter and hate it at the same time. I think you'll see why as you read.

Okay, so when I uploaded this, it ate all the spaces out of the italics parts, so if I missed any, I'm really sorry.

This chapter's song is _Little Bird_ by Imogen Heap.

Ouran is still not in my possession.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

The teacher had gone to grading papers, leaving the class to wait out the last five minutes in silence, to Kyoya's vast annoyance; wasting time was something of which he was not fond. Nor were stretches of unoccupied and unbearably loud _thoughts_. He took distraction in whatever he could, never before so thankful for Tamaki's inability to sit still. When Tamaki, seated next to Kyoya as always, started tapping his pen on the side of the desk, Kyoya reached over, snatched the pen out of Tamaki's hand, and slapped it down on Tamaki's desk, knowing the blonde would say something. Something sufficiently distracting. Tamaki leaned back in his chair, amused by Kyoya's irritation.

"Lighten up, Kyoya," he whispered. Kyoya rolled his eyes, but inwardly relished the moment. "C'mon, you saw my plans for Club today. It's gonna be great."

"Tamaki," Kyoya hissed, only to be silenced by the teacher's snap of, "Ootori. Shut it."

"Yes, sir," Kyoya said, nodding. He leaned back against his chair and glared at Tamaki, who smiled apologetically before looking away and taking up his pen again, this time making yet another doodle in his notebook. Kyoya sighed, holding up his book again just in time for the bell to ring. He threw the book in his bag and stood, waiting for Tamaki to collect his things.

"Go ahead, Kyoya," Tamaki said softly, fiddling with his pen again.

Kyoya's brow furrowed. He perched himself on Tamaki's desk as the teacher filed out of the room after the other students. "Something wrong, Tamaki?" he asked.

"No," Tamaki said, a little too quickly. He shoved his pen in his bag before picking up his textbook and flipping shut his notebook full of senseless doodles that arose from his boredom and tossing them in too. He rose, shouldering his bag and turning to Kyoya. "You didn't have to wait for me."

"I always wait for you after class," Kyoya said. "Would you rather I didn't?"

"I didn't say that," Tamaki said, watching his feet as the two of them walked toward the Clubroom. They were silent until Kyoya pulled the door open and they stepped in. Tamaki stood by Kyoya's table as Kyoya pulled out his laptop. "I'm sorry," he said. Kyoya looked up, quizzical. "For getting you in trouble," Tamaki explained.

Kyoya shook his head. "It's fine, Tamaki," he said, smiling. "I know you didn't mean it."

Tamaki nodded. "Are you okay?" he asked. "You're still limping some."

Kyoya hesitated.

_Don't think. Breathe, smile, and lie._

"I'm fine," Kyoya said, smile flawlessly in place.

Tamaki smiled half-heartedly before wandering over to the piano, placing a hand on the curtain. "Kyoya?" he called. "I know we have those plans laid out for Club today, but do you mind if we put them off for a while?"

_**XxXxX**_

"Hitachiin!"

Kaoru turned around to see a few of the more aggressive members of the basketball club walking just behind him, Takanaga among them. One of them shoved him, causing him to slam, hard, into the wall.

"All alone today, are you, pretty boy?" he sneered as Kaoru straightened up.

Kaoru said nothing, merely rolling his now-sore shoulder and continuing to walk toward the music room; this kind of thing was beginning to be commonplace between the basketball club and Kaoru, the easiest of the Host Club members to corner.

Another boy grabbed him by the shoulder and forced Kaoru around to face them again. Kaoru sighed.

"Heading off for the whore's club?" he asked, his pack of idiots guffawing sycophantically.

"Ha, ha, very funny," Kaoru said sarcastically, trying to pull away. "Now if you'll excuse me."

"I don't think so, Hitachiin," Takanaga said, sauntering forward.

_**XxXxX**_

Kyoya did not respond, but Tamaki didn't seem to be concerned; he began to pull the curtain open, only to stop as Kyoya placed a hand on his shoulder. Tamaki turned to face him, still gripping the curtain.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Kyoya asked. "You've never delayed plans like this before."

Tamaki sighed. "I'm not really in the mood to dress up today," he said. Kyoya's brow furrowed in concern, but Tamaki turned away, pulling the curtain back to reveal the grand piano. He sat and placed his hands on the keys. Mozart's Sonata in D Major flowed effortlessly from his fingertips. He closed his eyes, swaying with the music. Kyoya watched in amazement as Tamaki's hands flew over the keys. A small smile was beginning to form on Tamaki's face as the song drew to a close and he shifted into another song that Kyoya did not recognize, the two songs connected without a hitch by a wild but tender improvisation that only Tamaki could have mustered. Kyoya watched him play until the door opened again and Hikaru waked in, followed closely by Haruhi. Kyoya walked over to greet them, but Tamaki stayed put, the song continuing seamlessly. Hunny and Mori filed in just as Kyoya reached the Hikaru and Haruhi

"There's been a change in the plans for today," Kyoya said. "Just be yourselves."

Hunny nodded and headed off to his usual spot, Mori following wordlessly as usual. Kyoya turned to face Haruhi and Hikaru. "Tamaki is decidedly not himself today," he said quietly.

"He seemed fine at lunch," Hikaru pointed out.

"I know," Kyoya said. "But he seemed upset on the way here, and he put off his plans for Club today. And when we got to the Clubroom, he went straight to the piano and started playing. He hasn't stopped since. I think something's bothering him."

Haruhi frowned and walked away, heading for the piano and Tamaki. Kyoya watched her, knowing that if anyone could get Tamaki to say what was bothering him, it was Haruhi. She sat next to him on the bench.

"Hello, Haruhi," he said quietly without even opening his eyes or ceasing his playing.

"I don't think I've ever heard you play this song before," she said.

"You haven't," Tamaki said simply. "I haven't played this one in a while. I wanted to make sure I remembered it."

Haruhi smiled. "I like it," she said.

"I'm glad," Tamaki said. "It's my favorite."

"I can see why," she said, listening carefully to the playful, cheerful tune. "It suits you."

Tamaki's playing faltered before he stopped. His expression changed and his hands trembled slightly as he removed them from the keys.

"What's wrong, Tamaki?" Haruhi asked.

Tamaki shook his head and turned to face Haruhi, smiling. "I'm fine, Haruhi," he said. He paused for an almost imperceptible moment before adding, "I can't remember the rest. That's all."

"Okay," Haruhi said, not quite convinced. She put it aside. "Kyoya-senpai said you had plans for Club today but you put them off?"

"Yeah," Tamaki said casually. Too casually for Haruhi's liking. "We just did our big Shakespeare thing the other day, and these plans were pretty big too, so I decided we can do them later. School's ending for the summer next month, so we can do it then."

Haruhi nodded, though she knew this was only the reason he came up with to hide the real one. She sighed. "Are you okay, Tamaki?" she asked.

There was another tiny pause before Tamaki said, "I'm fine, Haruhi."

"Are you sure?" she asked. "You seem upset."

Tamaki sighed. "My grandmother came to the second estate again last night," he said. "She hates it when my dad brings her there. She kicked me off the piano again."

Haruhi frowned, wrapping her arms around Tamaki. "You know you're always free to play here," she said. "It draws in more customers anyway. No downsides."

Tamaki smiled. "You have interesting logic."

Haruhi smiled back. "You're one to talk."

They both rose from the piano bench, heading off to join the others.

"Hey guys," Tamaki said. He turned first to Hikaru. "Where's Kaoru?"

"He went to return a book to the library," Hikaru said. "He's been really into reading lately, it's kind of weird. And he was just down there this morning." Hikaru shrugged. "He'll be here in a few minutes though."

"Okay."

Hunny smiled warmly at Haruhi; she returned the smile in full, grateful for the conversation they'd had at lunch that day. He walked over to her.

"Did Tama-chan tell you what was wrong?" he asked as the two of them stepped away from the others as not to be overheard.

Haruhi nodded. "Stuff with his grandmother again," she said. "I figured as much. Kyoya-senpai seems better than this morning though."

"A girl in my class said she saw Kyo-chan talking to Kao-chan this morning," Hunny said. "She said Kao-chan looked really upset."

"I wonder what happened."

Hunny nodded. "Me too. I asked Hika-chan about it earlier and he doesn't know what happened. That worries me; they tell each other everything."

"It kind of worries me that Kaoru's been going off on his own so much lately," Haruhi said. "I mean, it could be nothing, but he and Hikaru are always together so it seems odd. And it _is_ just to the library, but still."

"I know what you mean," Hunny said.

Haruhi sighed, heading over to one of the couches to start on her homework until it was time to start club. Her thoughts, however, were with Tamaki; she knew that all these fights with his grandmother made him feel terrible about himself, and it frustrated her. She wished he would realize how much better than that he was. She sighed, pulling out her math book. She also pulled her iPod out of her bag and pressed play.

_Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind, wanting to start again? Do you ever feel like you're so paper-thin, like a house of cards, one blow from caving in? Do you ever feel already buried deep, six feet under, scream, but no one seems to hear a thing? Do you know that there's still a chance for you? Because there's a spark in you. You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine. Just own the night like the Fourth of July. Baby you're a firework. C'mon show them what you're worth, make them go oh, oh, oh, as you shoot across the sky-y-y. Baby you're a firework. Come on let your colors burst. Make them go oh, oh, oh, you're gonna leave them falling down, down, down. Boom, boom, boom, even brighter than the moon, moon, moon. It's always been inside of you, you, you, and now it's time to let it through. Baby you're a firework. C'mon show them what you're worth. Make them go oh, oh, oh, as you shoot across the sky-y-y. Baby you're a firework, c'mon let your colors burst. Make them go oh, oh, oh, you're gonna leave them going awe, awe, awe. Boom, boom, boom, even brighter than the moon, moon, moon. Boom, boom, boom, even brighter than the moon, moon, moon._

_**XxXxX**_

The boys took hold of Kaoru, forcing him over to a nearby janitor's closet and wrenching open the door. They tossed him inside as easily as though he were a rag doll, slamming the door shut before he could get to his feet. He could hear their laughter as he rushed to the door and fought frantically to open it, knowing it was locked before he got there. He turned around, leaning his back against the door and sliding to the floor. He closed his eyes, struggling desperately not to panic, but knew it was useless; the room was barely five by five feet, about a fourth of it taken up by the rather large sink in the corner, and had an overpowering smell of cleaning products that made his eyes water, his head spin and his stomach roll with nausea. He could feel his pulse quickening as his breath turned to hyperventilation. With a trembling hand, he reached into his pocket, intent on calling Hikaru, only to find that his cell phone was not there. He swore, realizing the basketball club idiots must have taken it. He wrapped his arms tightly around himself, his fingernails digging into his arms. He forced a deep breath, but felt as though he accomplished nothing; the air was so thick with the fumes of cleaning products that each breath that passed into Kaoru's lungs felt toxic, as if it contained no oxygen. Tears of panic came to his eyes, his stomach churned sickeningly, and his head spun.

"Help," he whispered brokenly before he could stop himself, knowing no one could hear him. "Please."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Ha! Readers, allow me to introduce you to the Evil Dr. Cliffie. Will Kao-chan be rescued? (Obviously, or I'd have a hoard of angry fanfic readers on my hands... not to mention a very angry Hika-chan...) Ok so better question: WHO will rescue Kao-chan from his turpentine-laden prison? Keep reading to find out!

Remember, review = happy author = faster updates. =]

Song in this chapter: _Firework_ by Katy Perry (this song felt really forced to me, but I felt the need to include it)


	12. Animal I Have Become

I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT (but completely non-story-related) ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE! I have been accepted to Longwood University, my top choice of colleges, where I will be studying K-12 Theatre Education, and I am immensely excited.

Okay, back to business.

It occurs to me that Kyoya's little internal monologues may be confused with songs because they're in italics. Sorry about that.

And I'm starting something new; All of the chapters now have titles! And they're song titles, to tie into my whole musicy theme. Anyway, this chapter's song is _Animal I Have Become_ by Three Days Grace (they seem to be taking over this story). All of the previous chapters have been titled as well if you'd like to peruse those (:

Anyway. This is the longest chapter yet. I believe it's the longest in the story, actually. It was originally three short chapters and I put them all in one because there was no good stopping point in the first two. And the beginning is **REALLY** angsty.

The ownership of Ouran High School Host Club is still not an honor that I hold.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Kyoya stood outside the music room for a moment, having stepped outside to escape the noise, the relentless cacophony of the unfurling of Tamaki's elaborate plan, but he found no relief; the silence only made room for terrifying thoughts, thoughts of the bruises, of those cold, brutal eyes and the cold, brutal words issued from that cold, brutal mind. He drew a deep breath, and then another, and then another. As long as he didn't forget to breathe, everything would be fine.

_**It's never going to be fine.**_

_Don't listen. Don't listen don't listen don't listen don't listen don't listen. _Kyoya closed his eyes.

_Someone save me._

_**...But no one will. No one can. No one can because you can't let them. **_

Outside was too quiet, inside too loud. The bottle shook in his hands. He leaned against the wall to keep some of the weight off of his injured leg.

"I can't keep doing this," he whispered. "I can't."

_**But you have to. They can't see. You can't let them see. Can't let them see this pathetic, tortured side of you, just another side of you no one wants.**_

"Shut up," he muttered, frantically unscrewing the cap from the bottle. "Shut up, shut up, shut up. God, I'm going insane."

_Breathe._

_**...no one wants you to breathe.**_

_Don't listen! You can do this. Suppress the trembling of your hands, the shivers that run down your spine. You are not afraid. It is not because of fear that your heart races. You are Kyoya and you are fearless. Let them think that. They must must _must_ think that._

A few deep breaths, a few too-large swigs of liquid fire from the bottle, and, after a few moments, a hush came over his mind. He smiled, and reentered the room. On the surface, he was unflappable, unwavering. Beneath: unnerved, untied, and undone.

It was nearly time for the guests to start arriving, but, with a glance around the music room, he saw that Kaoru had not yet arrived. He saw Tamaki heading over to Hikaru, no doubt to ask why.

"Have you heard from him?" Tamaki asked, noticing that Hikaru's hand was clenched tightly around his phone.

Hikaru shook his head, anxiety shining clearly in his eyes. "He should be here by now, and he's not answering his phone."

"Calm down, Hikaru," Tamaki said. "I'm sure he's fine. He's probably on the computer hallway, there's no reception there."

Hikaru nodded, but was not convinced. Tamaki sighed and walked away, heading for Kyoya.

"I don't want to start until Kaoru gets here," he said.

Kyoya nodded in agreement. "I don't think we can," he pointed out. "Hikaru's head won't be in it."

"Hikaru's right," Tamaki said anxiously, checking his watch. "It's been over half an hour, Kaoru should be back by now."

Kyoya nodded as the two of them wandered back over to Hikaru, who was dialing Kaoru's number yet again. Haruhi, Hunny, and Mori joined them as Hikaru put the phone to his ear, his eyes locked on the fountain in the courtyard. A spark of hope flickered in them as he said into the phone, "Kaoru?"

There was a pause during which the spark of hope turned first to anger and then to fear. He started to say something, but Kaoru apparently hung up. Hikaru lowered the phone slowly, his hand quivering slightly. He turned to Tamaki, the anger in his eyes shifting into desperation.

"It's the damn basketball club," he said, almost pleadingly. "They took his phone, and they've got him trapped somewhere, we've got to find him."

Tamaki nodded and turned to the rest of the Hosts, each of whom looked up and awaited instruction as he spoke their names. "Haruhi," he began. "Put up a sign saying we're closed for the day, and then check the third floor. Hunny and Mori, check the second floor. I'll check the courtyard. Hikaru and Kyoya, go to the west building, where the library is, and check there."

Kyoya and Hikaru sprinted out of the room and down the stairs, then out the door and across the courtyard toward the west building. Once inside, Kyoya turned to Hikaru again, saying, "Check the halls closer to the library. I'll check by the gym."

Hikaru nodded, turning and running toward the library. Kyoya set his course toward the gym.

_**XxXxX**_

Kaoru had long since torn the tie from around his neck in panic and pulled off his jacket, the confined space combined with the choking, stomach-churning fumes of the cleaning products sending his mind into a frenzied whirl of fear. The room was spinning, his lungs were burning, and he could swear the walls were closing in. His clammy hands trembled as he brought them to his face to wipe away the panicked tears that fell. He took a deep, shaky breath and a sudden, sharp pang of nausea hit his stomach; he lurched to his feet, staggering to the sink in the corner and managing to knock a jug of bleach over in the process, spilling its contents over his shirt and worsening the sickening smell in the room as he was violently sick. When finally he could breathe again, he collapsed back to the floor.

He soon heard something outside the door; footsteps, perhaps? Cautiously hopeful, he raised his head slightly and could see a blurry outline of a person in the frosted glass in the door. Kaoru recognized the voice of Kyoya Ootori calling his name.

"I'm here," he called desperately, his voice weak and hoarse.

There was a scraping noise, and a moment later the door burst open and Kyoya staggered in, his eyes landing on Kaoru, lying on the floor. Kaoru got shakily to his feet, Kyoya rushing forward to catch him as he swayed, nearly collapsing; his legs were trembling so badly they would barely support his weight and he was unbearably lightheaded. Kyoya half-dragged, half-carried Kaoru into the hallway, where he stopped and lowered Kaoru to the floor. Kaoru leaned back against the wall, eyes closed, taking deep breaths of the cool, fresh air.

"Are you alright?" Kyoya asked urgently, moving Kaoru's hair away from his clammy face.

Kaoru shook his head; he couldn't speak, couldn't find his voice through the haze of vertigo.

"The smell in there got to you, didn't it?"

Kaoru nodded. "I can still smell it," he said weakly, his voice shaking. "On my clothes. Everything's spinning. I feel like I can't breathe."

Kyoya nodded. "Calm down, Kaoru," he said softly. "You're alright."

Kaoru opened his eyes and turned them to Kyoya when a new smell hit his nose. The unmistakable stench of alcohol, rising above the bleach and turpentine he could smell on his clothes.

"Kyoya-senpai," he said, concerned, but his voice was so soft he wondered if Kyoya could hear him.

"Kyoya!" Hikaru's voice came, cracked with anxiety, as he rounded the corner. "I didn't see him near the library, I-"

He stopped abruptly when his eyes landed on his brother, sitting against the wall. He rushed over and knelt in front of him, Kyoya moving aside as Hikaru approached. Kaoru's eyes were still wide with fear, and Hikaru wrapped his arms around him gently while Kaoru sobbed silently into his chest. Hikaru held his brother protectively, casting a desperate, confused look at Kyoya.

"What happened?" he asked anxiously. Then for a moment he was suddenly distracted, and a spark of realization came to his eyes as he asked, a sense of horror in his tone, "Why does it smell like bleach?"

"He was trapped in the janitor's closet," Kyoya said.

Hikaru's face paled, and he took Kaoru more tightly in his arms. "Shhhh," he whispered when Kaoru squirmed. "Shhh, you're alright. Easy, Kaoru, it's okay."

Kaoru nodded, his breathing slowing to a normal rate. He pulled away slightly, and Hikaru grabbed his chin to look his brother in the eyes; Kaoru broke eye contact almost immediately, his eyes squeezing closed again, face deathly pale.

"Are you okay?" Hikaru asked gently. Kaoru nodded before laying his head hesitantly on Hikaru's shoulder. "You're still shaking," Hikaru whispered. "Calm down, Kaoru."

"I'm working on it," Kaoru mumbled.

"I know," Hikaru said sympathetically. "C'mon, let's get you cleaned up some, I think you'll feel better."

Hikaru helped Kaoru to his feet and led him to the bathroom down the hall, Kyoya following, concerned. Unsteady on his feet, Kaoru leaned back against the wall as Hikaru ran cold water over a towel and brought it over. He gently wiped the tear tracks from his brother's face, and then wiped the cold sweat away from Kaoru's forehead. Kaoru closed his eyes; the cool towel felt nice. During this, Kyoya pulled out his phone and sent a text to the other Hosts saying _We found him. He's a mess and I'm sending him home, but he'll be okay. Meet up in the Clubroom and I'll explain. _Hikaru threw the towel aside when he finished, taking hold of Kaoru's hand; it was cold and clammy.

"You really freaked out this time," Hikaru said sympathetically.

Kaoru nodded. Hikaru started to pull him into another hug, but he pulled away from the contact that made him feel still more ill. He wobbled over to the sink, where he proceeded to wash the taste of vomit from his mouth. Hikaru watched him in concern.

"You got sick," he said, alarmed.

"Every time I tried to take a deep breath, I felt sick," Kaoru said weakly. "The smell in there was awful, I couldn't breathe. I threw up right before Kyoya found me."

"Are you feeling better now?" Hikaru asked anxiously.

Kaoru shook his head slightly.

"The smell is still on his clothes," Kyoya said, and Hikaru nodded.

Kaoru stumbled backward, a wave of nausea and dizziness hitting him like a wall. He reached behind him, his hand searching for something to grab as he swayed, but did not manage to latch onto the counter before he collapsed, Hikaru rushing forward to catch him just in time to stop his head from hitting the counter.

"Breathe," Kyoya reminded him.

Kaoru nodded and took a deep breath, leaning heavily into his brother for support.

"Are you okay?" Hikaru asked gently, moving Kaoru's hair away from his still-clammy face.

"I feel faint," Kaoru mumbled.

"I need to get you home," Hikaru said.

"My jacket," Kaoru said suddenly. "It's still in there. I took it off because I couldn't breathe."

"It's right here," Kyoya said, holding it up, along with his tie. "I grabbed it when I pulled you out."

Kaoru nodded. "Thank you," he whispered.

"I'll go let the others know what happened," Kyoya said. "Hikaru, take him home."

"I will," Hikaru said.

After Hikaru called their chauffer and arranged a ride, the three of them walked out into the courtyard and off toward the main building, just outside of which lay the parking lot.

"Are you alright, Kaoru?" Kyoya asked when, after a moment, Kaoru stumbled dizzily.

"I-I'm okay," Kaoru said shakily. "I just-"

He stopped short as Hikaru gasped in pain, something striking him in the back. Kyoya glanced around and saw Takanaga of the basketball club ducking behind a bush. A sudden rage boiled within him; something large and scaly seemed to have erupted in his chest, clawing at his insides, and hot blood flooded his brain, extinguishing all thought with a savage desire to tear the boy's head from his shoulders. Intent on doing just that, he stepped forward. Takanaga came forward to meet him, his hands in his pockets, haughtily nonchalant.

"Ootori," he said with a sickening mock-cordiality. "I see you've found your-"

The rest of the comment that Kyoya had no interest in hearing was cut off as Kyoya's fist collided, hard, with Takanaga's face. Takanaga stumbled backward a few steps, blood gushing from his now-broken nose. Kyoya pounced, knocking him to the ground.

"Kyoya-senpai!" Hikaru called desperately, torn between his desire to stay by Kaoru's side and his desire to help Kyoya.

Kaoru decided for him. He tried to step forward but fell to his knees, supported only by one arm, which trembled, his head spinning, his stomach churning with nausea.

"Stop him," he whispered brokenly, looking desperately up at Hikaru. "Please, Hikaru, stop him, he'll get himself killed."

"Kyoya, stop!" Hikaru shouted, running toward him.

Kaoru closed his eyes against the relentless spinning in his head, his free hand flying to his forehead, desperately hoping that Kyoya's signature composure would return soon. This sudden loss of control was uncharacteristic of the Shadow King, and frighteningly so. He knew the alcohol he'd smelled on Kyoya's breath had something to do with this.

"KYOYA!" came a shout from their left, and Kaoru looked up to see Tamaki Suoh sprinting toward them. He joined Hikaru in pulling the raven-haired boy off of Takanaga.

"Takanaga," Tamaki nearly growled, helping Hikaru drag Kyoya back over toward Kaoru's spot on the ground. "I don't know what you've done, but if you value your life, I suggest you run."

Takanaga did not need telling twice. Tamaki and Hikaru kept their hold on Kyoya until Takanaga was safely out of range. Kyoya stepped away, angry.

"Kyoya," Tamaki said, horrified. "You're covered in blood."

"Please tell me that's Takanaga's, and not yours," Kaoru whispered.

"It is," Hikaru said. "Takanaga had a broken nose."

Hikaru showed his jacket sleeve, which was also stained.

"Well as _relieved_ as I am to hear that," Tamaki said, "Kyoya, are you _insane_?"

"He locked Kaoru in a closet," Kyoya said evenly.

"So you tried to _kill_ him?" Tamaki asked, approaching hysterics.

"I wasn't trying to kill him," Kyoya said, his voice entirely too calm. "I was aiming for more than a broken nose, but I wasn't trying to kill him."

"Kyoya," Tamaki said cautiously, scared for Kyoya's sanity.

"Stop," Kaoru said desperately. "Please. He's okay, that's all that matters right now. Please, don't fight about it."

"Okay," Tamaki said, his eyes locked on Kyoya's, making sure he knew Tamaki planned to continue this conversation later and was only dropping it now for Kaoru's sake; Kaoru already looked shaken (and this information about the closet had given Tamaki and inkling as to why), and arguing would only upset him more. "So Takanaga locked Kaoru in a closet?"

"The janitor's closet by the west gym," Hikaru said, attempting to relieve some of the tension between the two second-years. "The fumes made him sick. And he was terrified, obviously. Kyoya found him."

Tamaki nodded. "Hikaru, can you get him out to the parking lot?"

"Yeah," Hikaru said.

"Okay. You two get home, and Kaoru, I hope you feel better. Kyoya, come with me to the music room to tell the others."

Tamaki and Kyoya toward the East building, which contained the music room, the twins toward the main building again. Kaoru was still unsteady on his feet, his balance impaired by the wooziness he still felt, and he occasionally had to cling to Hikaru for support. Hikaru kept an arm around him. Once in the limo, Hikaru carefully studied Kaoru's face. He was still too pale, understandable considering the close to an hour he spent trapped in concentrated cleaning product fumes, which, now that they were in another enclosed space, Hikaru could smell too. There was a strange look in his eyes as he stared at the back of the driver's seat, verging on anxiety. After a moment, he took Hikaru's hand tightly, apparently seeking comfort; Hikaru stroked his brother's hand gently with his thumb. With his other hand, Kaoru opened the window a few inches, leaning his head back against the seat and letting the cool, fresh air play across his face. He then turned his focus back to the back of the driver's seat, his eyes going flat, lifeless. When they arrived at the house, Kaoru did not move for a moment, apparently lost in thought. Hikaru touched his shoulder gently and he stirred, a spark of verve coming back to his eyes. He closed the window and followed Hikaru out of the car, into the house, and up the stairs to their bedroom.

"Do you want to go take a shower?" Hikaru asked. Kaoru nodded. "Okay. I'll get us something to eat."

"I'm not hungry," Kaoru said.

"Just a snack then," Hikaru said. "Just something to munch on."

"Okay," Kaoru said

"See you in a few."

Before Kaoru left to take a shower, Hikaru drew his brother into another quick hug. He then removed his jacket and carried it out of the room. On the landing, he ran into the two maids he was looking for.

"Master Hikaru," one of them said, startled.

"Is that blood on your jacket?" the other asked.

Hikaru nodded. "A boy at school got a bloody nose, and ...yeah," he said, forgoing the details. "Can you get it out?"

"Not a problem," they said together. Hikaru smirked. He liked these maids; they were so like him and Kaoru.

"Thank you," he said as they took his jacket and set off to remove the stain. He then headed to the kitchen and snagged the bag of pretzel sticks out of the pantry, wanting to get something in Kaoru's stomach. Suddenly hungry himself, as he hadn't eaten all day, and knowing he had a little time while Kaoru was in the shower, he quickly made himself a sandwich. He ate it slowly, all the while trying to decipher the strange look he'd seen in Kaoru's eyes. When he'd finished eating, he headed back upstairs, pretzels in hand. He was shocked to see Kaoru already sitting on their bed when he walked in, fidgeting with the sleeve of his pajama shirt.

"You're back already," he said, sitting down next to him and placing the pretzels down. Kaoru nodded, opening the bag and taking a few, nibbling on them slowly.

"Are you feeling any better?"

Again, Kaoru nodded. "Still a little shaky," he said. "But I'm not nauseous or dizzy anymore."

"Good," Hikaru said.

Kaoru smiled, but then his face fell and the strange look came back to his eyes.

"What is it?" Hikaru asked, concerned.

Kaoru hesitated before saying, "When Kyoya-senpai found me, and pulled me out...while he was trying to calm me down...Hikaru, there was alcohol on his breath."

"What?" Hikaru said incredulously. "You're sure?"

"Yes," Kaoru said quickly. "I could smell it even over the bleach and crap."

"Why would Kyoya-senpai be drinking?"

"Maybe his dad's giving him a hard time?"

"Doesn't he always? There has to be something else."

_**XxXxX**_

_**Haruhi:** I have to go, I'm so sorry. My dad came to get me, I forgot I have a doctor's appointment today. I hope Kaoru's okay. I'll call you later._

_It's okay Haruhi_, Tamaki texted back. _Tell your dad I said hi. Kaoru's a bit shaken, but he's fine, we just sent him home._

"Am I giving you a ride home?" Tamaki asked, slipping his phone back into his pocket. Kyoya nodded. "Good. Then we can talk about this. Haruhi won't be there," he added, seeing the apprehension that came to Kyoya's eyes. "She had a doctor's appointment to go to. It'll just be us."

"Okay," Kyoya said as they reached the music room.

Tamaki paused before opening the door, glancing at Kyoya.

"Hunny and Mori are going to freak out about the blood," he said.

"I know," Kyoya sighed, opening the door. "Let's get it over with."

Tamaki almost smiled at his friend's impatience, but was silenced when his statement was proven true. Hunny and Mori gave simultaneous gasps of shock, followed by Hunny's cry of, "Kyo-chan, what happened? You're covered in blood."

"Don't worry," Kyoya said. "It's not mine."

"Yes, Kyoya," Mori said sarcastically, "because that's _so_ reassuring."

"He got in a fight with Takanaga," Tamaki said. "And Takanaga got a bloody nose, resulting in this." He gestured toward Kyoya's blood-spattered uniform. "You have an extra uniform, right?"

Kyoya nodded. "I don't think it's worth it to try and save this one," he said.

"Kyo-chan got in a fight?" Hunny asked, shocked.

"Takanaga started it," Tamaki said.

It wasn't _entirely_ a lie; Takanaga did in fact lock Kaoru in a closet and throw a stone at Hikaru, which were in fact Kyoya's provocations, but Kyoya had thrown the first punch. Kyoya sighed, knowing Tamaki only said that to save Kyoya from having to explain to Hunny and Mori.

"Anyway," Tamaki said. "Haruhi had to leave, so it's just us. The basketball club locked Kaoru in the janitor's closet." Hunny and Mori exchanged horrified glances. "I know. He was scared, of course, and the fumes made him sick, but he'll be alright."

"Good," Hunny said. Mori nodded in agreement.

Tamaki sighed. "I guess that's it for today. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Hunny and Mori nodded, gathering their things and heading out. Once they were safely out of the room, Tamaki turned his attention back to Kyoya. He was shocked to see tears in Kyoya's eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked urgently.

"Nothing," Kyoya said, almost desperately. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay," Tamaki said, nodding slowly. The two of them gathered their things and headed out to the car. As they headed down the stairs, Tamaki turned to face Kyoya again.

"C'mon," he said gently, holding out his hand. Kyoya took it hesitantly. "Let's go do something fun."

"Like what?"

"Doesn't matter," Tamaki said. "We'll go out to eat or something. Just to kill time."

"I need to go home," Kyoya said, a little too quickly for Tamaki's liking.

"You don't have to be home yet," he said gently. "And I know you don't want to be there anyway."

Kyoya watched him apprehensively for a moment; he had apparently overestimated his tolerance for the vodka, judging from his explosion upon Takanaga, and the more time he spent around Tamaki, the more likely Tamaki was to wind up on the receiving end of another loss of control. The judgment Kyoya had left told him to go home. However, seeing that he had no way out of this, he said, "Alright."

Tamaki smiled brightly, and Kyoya attempted to match it but knew he failed miserably.

"What is it?" Tamaki asked him.

Kyoya said nothing, and Tamaki let the subject drop until they got outside, when Kyoya stumbled again, losing his balance and nearly falling; Tamaki caught him around the chest. He couldn't help but cringe at the pressure on his many bruises.

"Are you alright?" he asked, concerned.

"I'm fine," Kyoya said, again, too quickly. He tried to pull away, the pressure on his bruises making it immensely difficult to breathe, but Tamaki held him fast. "Just a little clumsy today."

Tamaki looked skeptical. "Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," Kyoya said impatiently, pulling himself out of Tamaki's grasp, getting worried; it was obvious in Tamaki's gaze that he had an idea of what was going on. They walked to Tamaki's car in silence, Kyoya keeping a vigilant eye on his balance, knowing he couldn't stumble again and get away with this. When they got in the car, however, a new unforeseen dilemma arose.

"So where to?" Kyoya asked, and the words slurred slightly. He drew a deep breath in frustration, knowing that Tamaki noticed, and also knowing that no one other than Tamaki would have noticed.

"Kyoya," Tamaki said, an underlying horror sneaking into his tone. He hesitated to say the next part. "Are you _drunk_?"

Kyoya said nothing, carefully avoiding Tamaki's eyes, ashamed. Tamaki placed a hand on his friend's shoulder and, when Kyoya did not pull away, pulled him into a hug. When Kyoya's breath hitched with tears, Tamaki tightened his hold. Too tight. Kyoya jerked out of his friend's embrace, arms held out in front of him when Tamaki reached for him again.

"Kyoya," Tamaki said, horrified by the shallow, shaky breaths his friend was taking. "What's wrong?"

Kyoya hesitated, and decided it would be easiest to show him. He deftly unbuttoned his miraculously unstained uniform shirt (the jacket having been previously discarded), and Tamaki stared at the bruises in horror.

"Your father?" Tamaki finally said, his voice laced thickly with disgust and fury. They were the only two words he could wrap his tongue around. Kyoya nodded, and Tamaki bit his lip. "Things have gotten that bad, huh?" Tamaki said, trying to soften his tone. Again, Kyoya nodded. "Come on, let's go. You need a mini vacation. Where do you want to go?"

"I don't really care," Kyoya said. "I just don't want to go home."

"Okay," Tamaki said, turning on the radio. "I need to hit a grocery store first, though. I told Haruhi I'd pick up more instant coffee for Club."

Kyoya nodded, and the two rode in silence for a while, just listening to the music.

_You would not believe your eyes if 10 million fireflies lit up the world as I fell asleep. Cause they'd fill the open air and leave teardrops everywhere. You'd think me rude but I would just stand and stare._

Tamaki pulled smoothly into the parking lot, and the two of them stepped out of Tamaki's car and entered the store. He glanced over at Kyoya, glad to see a smile on his face as they walked. They stopped dead in the doorway.

Tamaki leaned toward Kyoya slightly and whispered, "I have no idea where to look."

"Me either," Kyoya whispered back.

Tamaki sighed, grabbing Kyoya by the hand as he walked forward. "We'll find it eventually," he said. Kyoya laughed, and Tamaki couldn't help but smile; Kyoya's mood was improving already. They walked to the back of the store, Tamaki dragging the inebriated Kyoya behind him, and then began walking the length of the store. Tamaki checked the contents of each isle when they passed by it, and turned abruptly when he got to the coffee isle, causing Kyoya to lose his already-compromised balance and the two of them to explode into giggles. This was the happiest he had seen Kyoya in months, and to think it was caused by something so simple. At this moment, a sobering thought occurred to Tamaki. What had been happening with Kyoya that made this simple act of tripping in the grocery store so funny? Well, being drunk _probably_ contributed to that, but why had Kyoya been drinking? Tamaki plastered a fake smile on his face as he pulled Kyoya farther down the isle. He pulled the coffee off the shelf, took it to the register and paid for it, leaving the store wordlessly with Kyoya following.

Tamaki opened Kyoya's door for him and then headed to the driver's side.

Kyoya stared at Tamaki with an almost laughable intensity for a moment before speaking. "Something wrong?" he asked.

"Kyoya," Tamaki started. "What's been bothering you?"

Kyoya looked away. "It's not important," he said. Tamaki stared at him, opening his mouth to protest, but Kyoya cut him off. "I don't want to talk about it," he nearly barked.

Tamaki let the subject drop, but made a mental note to pick it up later, perhaps when Kyoya was sober and less susceptible to violent mood swings.

"Do you want to get something to eat?" Tamaki asked, thinking food might do Kyoya some good.

"I could eat," Kyoya said, smiling again. Tamaki sighed. _Make up your drunken mind Kyoya, do you want to kill me or not?_ He pulled smoothly out of the parking lot and heading toward an Italian restaurant about which the twins had told him. They reached their destination quickly and were being escorted to their seats soon after.

Tamaki pulled Kyoya's chair out for him, habit from taking Haruhi out to dinner. Kyoya gave him a look, but then went with it, taking his seat. Tamaki sat down and looked at Kyoya, who simply stared back. Keeping with their improvised air of formality, Tamaki said, "_How_ do you do?"

Kyoya giggled and then said, "How _do_ you do?"

The two laughed as the waiter came back with their drinks and a basket of breadsticks before saying he would come back to take their orders when they were ready. Kyoya stared out the window next to them and swayed to the music on the radio, singing along absentmindedly.

_I told myself I won't miss you, but I remember what it feels like beside you. I really miss your hair in my face, and the way your innocence tastes, and I think you should know this. You deserve much better than me._

"Hey Tamaki?" Kyoya said abruptly. "What does innocence taste like?"

"What?" Tamaki said.

"'I miss the way your innocence tastes.' What does innocence taste like?"

Tamaki stared at him for a moment before laughing his radiant, melodic laugh, a sound Kyoya would never tire of hearing. "Chicken, I suppose."

Kyoya laughed. "Why chicken?"

"Because everything tastes like chicken," Tamaki said. "We watched _The Matrix_ at my house the other day, remember?"

"Well in _The Matrix_, everything doesn't taste like chicken, chicken tastes like everything." Kyoya paused before saying, "How'd they know what everything tasted like? Did they just go around licking stuff?"

"So this is how your mind really works," Tamaki muttered.

"Hmmm?"

"Nothing," Tamaki said abruptly. "Go on."

Kyoya tilted his head slightly, then shrugged and started to speak again, only to be silenced by the waiter, returning to take their orders. They ordered their food quickly, and then Kyoya looked at Tamaki and said, "Where were we?"

"_The Matrix_," Tamaki said.

"Right. _The Matrix_ is a weird movie. You remember that part where the kid tells him to 'bend the spoon' and then he was said 'there is no spoon, there is only the space around the spoon.' What the hell? And spoons are weird. Why's your reflection upside down when you look at a spoon? And why's it called the 'bowl' of the spoon? Is it a spoon or a bowl? Make up your mind, damn utensil. And why do keyboards have two shift keys? And why aren't the keys in alphabetical order? You know what key a keyboard needs? An 'oh-shit-that-isn't-what-I-meant-to-do' key. You know, for when 'undo' just doesn't cut it. But then again, when was the last time any technological company did something that made sense? Can't expect them to now. A zebra never changes its spots."

Tamaki paused, trying to process all of this. "Kyoya," he said, whimperingly confused. "Zebras don't _have_ spots."

"That explains why they never _change_ their spots then, doesn't it?" Kyoya said. "Can't change what you never had."

Tamaki opened his mouth to say something, but only laughed as the food arrived. Kyoya picked up his fork and started in on his pasta, and Tamaki smiled, happy to see Kyoya eating for the first time in what felt like weeks.

"How do airplanes work?" Kyoya asked after a few moments. "I mean, they fly. So they defy gravity. But if they really defied gravity, the people wouldn't stay in the plane. It's a conundrum..."

Again, Tamaki paused, trying to follow Kyoya's logic, wondering vaguely if this was how the others felt talking to _him_ on any given day. "Vodka does strange things to you, Kyoya," he noted.

"Not usually," Kyoya said. "I don't usually get like this."

"Usually," Tamaki repeated quietly. "Meaning there _is_ a usually, meaning this happens frequently. How long has this been going on?"

Kyoya said nothing.

"Kyoya," Tamaki said sadly.

"A while."

"How long is a while?"

"It doesn't matter," Kyoya said, staring at the table.

"Okay," Tamaki said, letting the subject drop and making a note of bringing it back up later.

They ate in silence until the check came, at which point they both reached for it. Tamaki swatted Kyoya's hand away and handed the folder back to the waiter after placing the money inside. He looked back to see Kyoya staring intently at him.

"What?" Tamaki said, slightly self-conscious.

"I love your face," Kyoya said.

"I'm sorry?" Tamaki said.

"Tamaki Suoh, I love your face."

Tamaki tilted his head to the side, confused. Kyoya smiled, then stood and walked around the table, taking Tamaki's face in his hands and kissing him, full on the mouth. Tamaki hesitated, but melted into the moment. They drew apart, and Kyoya said again, "I. Love. Your. Face."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

I still hate this scene. It didn't come out right. Hate hate _hate_ hate **hate**. _HATE_. Inebriated Kyoya = impossible to write .

Anyway. The scene with Kaoru locked in the closet has undergone a lot of construction. A LOT. And I feel bad for writing it. Poor Baby Hitachiin ):

Anyway. Lemme know what you think.

And the idea for the restaurant scene came from the brilliant mind of LifelessStar, so, as always; please send her your thoughts as well.

Songs:

_Fireflies_ by Owl City

_Better Than Me_ by Hinder


	13. Too Much Love Will Kill You

So this is the shortest chapter in the whole story. Ironic, the shortest chapter comes right after the longest one. I also really don't like this chapter.

This chapter's song is _Too Much Love Will Kill You_ by Queen.

I do not own Ouran High School Host Club, as you may have noticed.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

"Haruhi, someone's here to see you," Ranka said, his voice laden with distaste. Said personage bit his lip and turned his head away as Haruhi came out of her room. Her eyes landed first on Tamaki, looking ashamed, then on her father, looking disgusted, and she rolled her eyes.

"Don't you have to get to work, Dad?" she said.

"And leave you here with _this_?" said Ranka, indicating Tamaki.

Haruhi sighed in frustration, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Dad," she said. "Go. Don't be late for work. I'll talk to Tamaki."

Ranka wavered, angry, before snatching up his purse and heading for the door. He paused when he reached Tamaki and said, "Watch yourself, Loverboy."

Tamaki said nothing. Ranka stalked out the door, slamming it shut. Tamaki flinched with the sound.

Haruhi sighed and headed into the living room. "Come sit down, Tamaki," she said, and Tamaki hesitated before following her and sitting down on the couch.

"Haruhi," Tamaki said uncertainly. "I think we need to talk."

"You _think_ we need to talk?" Haruhi said, smiling. "Why else would you be here?"

Tamaki shook his head, seeming frustrated. "Haruhi, I'm serious."

"Is this about your date with Kyoya-senpai?"

Tamaki blinked. "Wait," he said. "You know already?"

"Why do you think my dad was so mad at you?" she asked. "He saw you on his way home from work yesterday. He saw you and Kyoya-senpai in the restaurant and came home and told me. You're not his favorite person right now."

"So I noticed," Tamaki said. "Haruhi, I'm sorry, I-"

"Don't," Haruhi said gently. "I can tell you've already beaten yourself up thoroughly over this, so stop it. I'm not mad."

"You're not?"

"No," Haruhi said gently, sincerely. "Kyoya-senpai needs you. How could I be mad? Besides, I'm not fully convinced it was a romantic encounter."

"It wasn't supposed to be," Tamaki said, wringing his hands nervously. "I was just trying to be a good friend at first, and I didn't mean to, but...Haruhi, I-I kissed him. Well, he kissed me. But I kissed him back."

Haruhi smiled and wrapped her arms around Tamaki, who pulled back, thoroughly confused. "Haruhi," he said, a touch concerned for her sanity, and then it clicked. "You knew already," he said, and she nodded. "That's the part your father saw, wasn't it?"

"I wanted to know if you'd tell me," she said. "And you did."

"So this was like a test?"

"More like a pop-quiz. But you passed, so what does it matter?"

"Haruhi," Tamaki said, pulling away more. "There's more I need to tell you."

Haruhi waited.

Tamaki drew a deep breath before continuing. There was an unbearable pain in his eyes as he spoke. "I'm not sure how to keep doing this. Us. If this keeps happening with Kyoya, then...Haruhi, I can't do that to you. I think... I think we're over."

"You _think_?" Haruhi said with forced calm. "You _think_ we're over?"

"I don't know," Tamaki said desperately. "I mean...Haruhi. I don't think I can do this."

Haruhi didn't respond immediately. "Okay," she said; she'd figured this was coming, but it was still hard. "So what do we do?"

"I don't know," Tamaki said miserably. "I don't want to do this, Haruhi, I really don't. But I love Kyoya."

Haruhi nodded, forcing back the tears that came to her eyes, refusing to let Tamaki see she was upset. "Okay," she said. "So..."

Tamaki shook his head as if to clear it, and then turned to face her again. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again as soon as his eyes met hers.

"Goodbye, Haruhi," Tamaki said abruptly, standing and heading for the door. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Haruhi watched him leave, stunned. After a moment, she rose stiffly, headed back to her room, and resumed her homework numbly, trying to ignore the tears that hit the page.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

What did you guys think? Sorry to end on such a crappy note. Things get better, I promise.


	14. Wake Up

Been a while since my last update. Sorry about that, guys. I've had rehearsal for 2 different shows and final exams and AP exams and whatnot, but I GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL (with honors) TOMORROW!

One little warning for the ending of this chapter: Hikaru gets mad about something and turns into a bit of a potty-mouth. If the language offends, I understand and I apologize, but I will not be removing it.

Oh, and there's another pairing shake-up to come in this chapter. Sorry.

This chapter's title song is _Wake Up_ by Three Days Grace (I LOVE THIS BAND).

I don't own Ouran.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Tamaki looked away quickly when he met Haruhi's eye as he entered the music room, feeing terrible about the previous night. The self-loathing he felt for hurting Haruhi made it almost impossible to talk to Kyoya, which made him feel even worse. He purposely took a seat facing Kyoya and his laptop so he could steal glances at him without the girls noticing; when Kyoya stepped into the back room, Tamaki panicked a little. He calmed himself, assuring himself that Kyoya was likely taking inventory or somesuch.

His focus on the girls was slipping. He caught himself repeating himself, but the girls still squealed, apparently not noticing. He glanced at Haruhi and saw that she was apparently having some trouble too; his heart ached for her, knowing she did not particularly enjoy the job to begin with and he had made it infinitely worse.

"Tamaki?" one of the girls said, bringing his attention back. "Are you alright? You seem sad."

"Oh," Tamaki said, grasping for one of his witty phrases. "School is ending for the summer next month; I was only lamenting the short time I have left with you until then."

Poorly executed, but the girls didn't seem to mind; they shrieked their approval. Tamaki sighed, slightly irritated that it had worked.

He looked up, over to Kyoya, when Kyoya's phone rang. Kyoya answered it quickly, and seconds later, his expression changed. His face paled considerably and his eyes went wide with what looked like fear, but could not possibly have been fear because Kyoya never got scared. Tamaki fought back an urge to rush to his side as Kyoya hung up the phone and resumed his work as though there had been no interruption.

_**XxX**_

Kyoya headed into the back room again just before Club ended for the day, and Tamaki had the distinct impression it was in an attempt to collect himself. He stood next to the door, waiting for him, wanting to make sure he was all right.

When Kyoya finally emerged, he tripped over himself again, nearly falling. Tamaki caught him.

"Kyoya," Tamaki said urgently, concerned. "Are you alright?"

"I-I'm fine," Kyoya said, a little too quickly, trying to pull away, carefully looking away from Tamaki. Tamaki held him fast. Kyoya never tripped. Kyoya never stuttered. Something was horribly wrong.

"Kyoya," Tamaki said again. "What is it? You know you can talk to me."

Kyoya wrenched himself out of Tamaki's grasp, stumbling backward.

"I'm fine, Tamaki," he said, almost angrily. And Tamaki might have believed him. Except that when Kyoya stumbled for the third time that day, a water bottle fell from the inside pocket of his jacket. Tamaki lunged forward and caught it before it hit the ground and, fearing what he knew he was about to find, unscrewed the top and raised it up; the unmistakable smell of vodka met his nose.

"Kyoya," he said again. He didn't know whether he had whispered or shouted; he didn't know which he had intended. He clenched his fist around the bottle until his hand shook and his knuckles ached. Kyoya made to leave the room, but Tamaki grabbed hold of the back of his jacket with his free hand. He let go when Kyoya turned back around. A tear fell from Tamaki's eye. He didn't even hear the bottle hit the floor as he dropped it. He didn't know whether to slap Kyoya or hug him. After a moment of consideration, he decided on the latter. He wrapped his arms tight around Kyoya, who was shaking with sobs. "Kyoya," he whispered. "Why do you do this to yourself? You're _better_ than this, you know that. And why didn't you ask for help _before_ it came to this? Whatever this is you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. You have me and Hikaru and Kaoru and the others, we're here for you. We love you, Kyoya. I love you."

Kyoya sobbed into Tamaki's shoulder for nearly half an hour. Finally he pulled away, not meting Tamaki's eyes.

"Tamaki," he said hesitantly, thoroughly frightened. "Last night..."

"What about it?" Tamaki asked, concerned.

Kyoya shook his head and continued speaking, but as though he decided not to say what he'd originally planned. "I don't remember everything that happened," he said, still frightened but less so. "There are a lot of gaps. I remember going to the store, and...and I remember kissing you...but I don't remember anything that happened in between."

"Calm down, Kyoya," Tamaki said. "Do you want to know what happened?"

"Please," Kyoya beseeched, and the sound nearly broke Tamaki's already-aching heart.

"Alright," he said. "We left the store and went to the restaurant, and we talked. About just about anything you can think of. But that's all. Nothing actually happened."

"Good," Kyoya said.

There was a brief pause.

"Were you drunk when you came to school today?" Tamaki asked, and he could not quite keep the undertone of anger out of his voice.

"No," Kyoya said, panic in his eyes. "No, I wasn't. I didn't start drinking until just now, I swear."

"Why do you even have this with you?"

"I forgot to take it out of my bag," Kyoya said frantically.

"Who called you earlier?" Tamaki said, trying to sound gentler, knowing he was alarming him. "You looked scared. Was it your father?"

Kyoya nodded.

"What did he say?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Kyoya said quickly, desperately, his eyes begging Tamaki not to pursue the subject. "I really don't want to talk about it."

"Kyoya-"

"Tamaki, please."

"Alright," Tamaki said. "I'm sorry. Is that why you started drinking today though?"

Again, Kyoya nodded.

"Okay," Tamaki said. "Kyoya look at me." Kyoya met his eyes, and Tamaki placed his hands gently on either side of his best friend's face. "I will help you through this in any way I can," Tamaki said. "I swear. But you have to promise me this is the last time I will see you anything less than sober. You're better than this."

"I promise," Kyoya whispered.

"Good," Tamaki said. "Kyoya, you know I'm here for you. I don't care when or why, if you need to talk, you have my number. I don't even care if you don't have a reason, you just want to talk. I don't care what time. I may not be happy about it, but I _will_ pick up the phone at three in the morning. And if you ever need to get out of that house, I will come get you. For. What. Ever. Reason. All you need to do is call me."

"Thank you," Kyoya said, and Tamaki took him in his arms again.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Kyoya kept his promise. He was glad to say he was a week sober. He had even taken the initiative to go see Ranka and explain that he kissed Tamaki, not the other way around. Ranka almost immediately called Tamaki and apologized, much to Haruhi's delight. But Tamaki and Haruhi still weren't speaking, making everything more challenging within the Host Club. Haruhi had taken to sharing her thoughts with the twins, who, while they were happy to help her and to see that she was finally opening up to them as much as they each had to her, were terribly concerned. She was being too selfless, worried too much about Tamaki and not enough about herself, and worrying about herself for the wrong reasons. They had pointed this out to her many times, but she would not hear it; her real concern was only for Tamaki.

On today's occasion, Kaoru sighed as Haruhi once again brushed off their concern for her as the three of them filed out of the music room when Club concluded. Hikaru gave him a questioning glance.

"Why do we all insist on not letting people worry about us?" Kaoru asked, and Hikaru smiled sadly as they headed out for the car.

"We do all have that little flaw, don't we?" he said.

Kyoya had also kept his promise to Kaoru, to be there when he needed to talk. The two of them had started seeing each other, unbeknownst to anyone apart from themselves and Tamaki. Kaoru was surprised that Hikaru hadn't caught on, as Kaoru and Kyoya had been in near-constant contact since they'd started dating; if they weren't in the same room, they were texting, unless one of them was sleeping. Then again, Hikaru's phone was getting a lot more use lately too, between consoling Haruhi and trying to convince Tamaki to talk to her again, and the occasional text Kaoru sent him just to get his attention though they were in the same room.

Not for the first time recently, the two were silent on the way home, Kaoru voicing concerns via texts to Kyoya while Hikaru held cyber chats with Haruhi and Tamaki, playing mediator between them, trying to get either to approach the other. Also not for the first time recently, Kaoru received the reply of _Just talk to him! _from Kyoya when he mentioned the uncomfortable silence that had settled in the car.

_I'm going to_, Kaoru texted back. _Once we get home. I mean it this time._

_**Kyoya:**_ _Sure, sure. Just let me know how it goes._

Kaoru made a face.

_You don't think I'm actually going to do it._

_**Kyoya:** I was teasing you, love (: I know you will. Good luck._

_Thanks. I think I might need it._

"Who are you texting?" Hikaru asked him about halfway home.

"Kyoya," Kaoru said softly. "You?"

"Right now, Tamaki," Hikaru said, then sighed. "Haruhi stopped answering."

"She does that," Kaoru said as they pulled up in front of the house. "I've noticed that too."

Kaoru's attention was then drawn back to his phone as it buzzed again.

_**Kyoya:** Don't say that. It'll be fine._

_If you knew if would be okay_, Kaoru replied,_ then why did you wish me luck?_

"Kaoru?" Hikaru said as they stepped inside, and Kaoru looked up again. "You've been spending a lot of time talking to Kyoya-senpai lately. Any particular reason for that?"

Kaoru took a deep breath as they headed up the stairs. Apparently their chat would begin sooner than he'd planned.

"Kyoya and I are kind of...together."

"Oh," Hikaru said, sounding surprised, stopping though they had not yet reached their bedroom. "When did this start?"

"A few days ago."

"Oh," Hikaru said again. "Well. Congrats, I guess."

"You're upset."

"A little bit, yeah," Hikaru said. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Kaoru hesitated. There was a small voice in his head telling him to continue the conversation, barely audible over the rest of his mind screaming to back down, but he clung to this tiny voice; there were things that needed saying. Finally he spoke again.

"There's been a lot that I haven't told you lately," he said, staring at the carpet. "And I know that there's a lot you haven't told me either."

"Kaoru," he said, betrayed. "How much have you told him?"

"Everything I haven't been able to tell you," Kaoru said, close to tears. "I've been worried about you, Hikaru, I needed to tell someone, and Kyoya was there. You've been upset, Hikaru, and you won't tell me why."

"You could have come and talked to me, Kaoru."

"I tried to," Kaoru pointed out. "More than once. You've been avoiding my questions. Just like you are right now."

"I'm not avoiding the subject, Kaoru," Hikaru said impatiently. "You went to Kyoya instead of me, your brother. More than your brother. I think I have a right to be upset."

"Not when you're the one who pushed me away," Kaoru said fiercely, meeting his brother's eyes for the first time since leaving the school. "Don't make it sound like you're the victim here. Whatever 'predicament' you seem to be finding yourself in right now, don't forget you put yourself there by deciding _you_ wouldn't talk to _me_, not because I didn't talk to you."

"Oh, so _you're_ the victim because I wouldn't tell you why _I_ was upset?"

"I didn't say that. All I said was that I will _not_ let you turn this around and make it my fault. All I did was try to _help_ you, and I refuse to let you _scold_ me for that."

"How exactly were you helping me?" Hikaru asked sarcastically. "By pouring your heart out to someone who doesn't fucking care?"

"Don't," Kaoru said furiously. "Insinuate all you want about _me_, but don't you _dare_ tell me Kyoya doesn't care. You don't know him."

"I know more about him than you seem to," Hikaru retorted simply. "Kyoya never does anything unless there's something in it for him; that's his basic rule of operation, remember? What's he getting from you?"

"Shut up!" Kaoru yelled, raising his voice for the first time, trying desperately to silence the voice in his head wondering if Hikaru was right.

"Oh, struck a nerve, have I? Boo fucking hoo."

"Shut up," Kaoru said again, quieter.

"Great comeback. Do you write them yourself?"

"Hikaru stop being a prick and answer my god damn question," Kaoru said, not noticing the personage who entered the hallway as he spoke. Unfortunately, the new arrival did not go unnoticed to Hikaru. He spoke anyway.

"Sure," Hikaru said with mock nonchalance. "You want to know why I'm upset? Sure. Maybe it's because you don't seem to be putting any fucking effort into helping me fix things between Tamaki and Haruhi, who, in case you'd forgotten, have helped us a _lot_. Maybe it's because every fucking time I do tell you what's upsetting me, _I_ end up comforting _you_. Maybe it's because I want to talk to someone else, but I don't because I don't want to hurt your feelings. Maybe it's because I can feel myself pulling away from you with every fucking text I send to Haruhi, but you seem to have no qualms texting your little heart out to Kyoya. Take your pick, Kaoru."

"Hikaru," Kaoru began, trying desperately not to look as hurt as he felt. "I know I've made you feel like you have to be the strong one, and I'm sorry. And I know the only reason you tell me you're okay is to keep me from worrying about you, but it only makes me worry more."

"Yeah, you were so worried about me you turned around to drown your sorrows in the Shadow King."

"Will you leave Kyoya out of this?" Kaoru asked angrily. "He isn't the issue here!"

"You have your answers, Kaoru," Hikaru said dismissively, wrenching their bedroom door open and stepping in.

"Why are you such an ass?" Kaoru shouted. "Yes, you answered my questions. You think that means I'm finished here?"

Hikaru shook his head with a dry laugh. "Look behind you," he said. "There's more than one reason I'd say you're finished."

Kaoru turned, confused, to see Kyoya standing at the end of the hall, math book in hand. Kaoru stared at him, incomprehensive sounds escaping his lips as he tried to continue speaking.

"Case and point," Hikaru said sardonically. Hikaru slammed the bedroom door shut, and Kaoru turned and stared at it until Kyoya placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You left this in the music room," Kyoya said, indicating the math book and looking confused. "What happened?"

"I talked to him," Kaoru said softly. "And...It didn't go well."

"Well I gathered that," Kyoya said. "What _happened_?"

"I'm not entirely sure," Kaoru said, taking the book and hugging it tightly to his chest, as though _Statistics in Action_ could ever comfort him. Kyoya took him in his arms. "He's so mad at me," Kaoru whispered.

"Did he say why?" Kyoya asked, concerned, stroking Kaoru's hair gently as the younger boy's breath hitched with tears.

Kaoru nodded. "For going to you instead of him," he said. "Even though I tried to go to him. He feels like I betrayed him."

Kyoya held him gently for a moment before pulling away slightly. "Let me talk to him," he said. Kaoru started to protest, but Kyoya placed a finger gently on his lips. "Let me talk to him," he said again.

Kaoru nodded, stepping aside to give Kyoya access to the door. Kyoya cupped Kaoru's cheek gently as he passed. He knocked softly, but received no answer. He pushed the door open slowly, finding Hikaru lounging on the couch.

"Hikaru?" he called softly, and Hikaru looked up. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure," Hikaru said with a false casualness that gave Kyoya a desire to defenestrate him, and then he sat up. "What about?"

"I think you know," Kyoya said seriously.

Hikaru arched an eyebrow. "I do?"

Kyoya shook his head, walking toward him. "Well I suppose we could start with the 'drowning your sorrows in the Shadow King' comment," he said. "Under differing circumstances, I would have found it rather humorous. Tactless, and definitely not your style, but witty nonetheless."

"Thanks I guess."

"There's something you need to understand," Kyoya said, taking a seat next to Hikaru. "Kaoru didn't come to me. I found him sitting alone in the music room, crying, and asked him what was wrong. He _was_ thinking of you, Hikaru. He didn't want to tell me what was bothering him; he just kept trying to leave and saying he had to get home. He didn't want to tell anyone if he couldn't tell you."

"Then why did he?"

"Because he recognized that he needed help," Kyoya said seriously. "And you should be glad he did, instead of resorting to other things. I know I am. I'm sure you've seen what a mess Tamaki is right now, and I haven't exactly been handling things well either, and you should be glad Kaoru hasn't let himself get that far."

"I'm not interested in your advice," Hikaru said dismissively, leaning back against the arm of the couch. "And I'm not interested in watching you play your little mind games with my brother."

"Exactly what 'games' are you accusing me of forcing him into?" Kyoya asked coldly, standing.

"The same games you play with everyone else," Hikaru said simply. "You lure people in so you can get things from them later. And, as I'm sure you've noticed, that boy fucking worships you. Whatever you're interested in getting from him, it's as good as yours. Ask for his fucking heart and he'll rip it out of his own chest for you. And I'm not interested in seeing Kaoru get hurt, so fuck off."

Kyoya was, for once, glad Hikaru had chosen to look away, as it kept the boy from seeing Kyoya's eyebrow twitch with the anger boiling in his chest.

"So what you're saying," he said slowly, "is that I use people? That personal gain is my sole motivation?"

"More or less."

"I don't know what kind of _psychopath_ you take me for," Kyoya said, his voice dropping dangerously. "But I can tell you this; I have _no_ intention of taking advantage of Kaoru, and whether you believe that or not is far from being my problem or his. And based on some of the things you just said to your brother, I'm not exactly convinced that _you_ have _anyone_ else's well-being, so I'm not exactly sure why you're so convinced _I'm_ the selfish one here."

Kyoya turned away from Hikaru's unmoved expression, heading for the door. He paused with his hand on the doorknob, turning to look at Hikaru again.

"Just so you know," he said. "What you said to him just now hurt him more than I ever could. You had more to take away from him than I ever will, and you've taken it. Chew on that for a while. And if you ever feel like helping me piece Kaoru back together, drop me a line."

Kyoya left the room, finding Kaoru sitting against the wall, knees drawn up to his chest. He knelt next to him, placing an arm around him.

"Are you alright?" he asked, and Kaoru shook his head, tears streaming silently down his face. Kyoya wiped them away gently. He sighed. "I'd offer to let you stay with me tonight, but I doubt my father would approve."

"I think you're right," Kaoru said miserably. "And as much as I would love to not stay here tonight, I would have to turn you down anyway. I don't want to upset him more."

Kyoya nodded.

"You should get home," Kaoru said softly. "Before your father starts wondering where you are."

"You want to be alone," Kyoya said.

"Is it that obvious?"

Kyoya smiled sadly. "Just call if you need anything, love," he said gently, pressing a tender, chaste kiss to Kaoru's cheek before rising to leave.

Kaoru sat there for nearly an hour, crying silently, before finally getting shakily to his feet and heading for the parlor, taking a seat on the couch, not entirely sure why he had moved. Maybe just so that if Hikaru stepped out of the room he wouldn't be there. In the way. He sighed and slumped over the arm of the couch and before long, the twin maids entered, one placing a cup of tea on the end table for him.

"Are you alright, Master Kaoru?" she asked him.

"We heard you and your brother shouting," said the other.

Kaoru sighed. "I'll be okay," he said. "I'll have to be."

"Shall we set up one of the spare bedrooms for you for tonight?"

Kaoru hesitated. "Yes, please," he said.

The two nodded and left. Kaoru drank his tea silently, letting the warm liquid soothe him until they returned to inform him his room was ready, complete with his backpack and some of his clothes on top of the dresser. He thanked them quietly and went upstairs, changing into the pajamas they'd left for him. He turned on his iPod and curled up on the bed, knowing he wouldn't be getting much sleep.

_We walked along a crowded street. You took my hand and danced with me. Images. And when you left, you kissed my lips. You told me you would never, ever forget these images. I never want to see you unhappy. I thought you'd want the same for me. I cannot go to the ocean, I cannot drive the streets at night, I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind. Now you're gone and I'm haunted and I bet you are just fine. Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life? Goodbye, my almost lover. Goodbye, my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you. Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance. My back is turned on you. Should have known you'd bring me heartache; almost lovers always do. _

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

This was originally 2 separate chapters, but I skished them together, hence the fact that it's fairly long.

Song: _Almost Lover_ by A Fine Frenzy (rearranged slightly)


	15. Uprising

This chapter is...eventful. And I thoroughly enjoyed writing it, and thoroughly hated it at the same time.

Tamaki gets upset and there's some swearing. I think, from here on out, it's safe to assume that Tamaki and Hikaru will continue to swear when angered. And a couple of the other characters too. Except Hunny; I tried to write Hunny saying a bad word, and it just didn't work at all.

This chapter's title song is _Uprising_ by Muse.

I still don't own Ouran.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

It had been a few days since the twins' fight, and the two were on shaky ground. Pretenses were well kept in the Host Club, the girls never suspecting that anything was off between the two, but their fellow Hosts knew otherwise. Outside their act, eye contact was at a shocking minimal, words almost nonexistent. The same could still be said of Tamaki and Haruhi, and the stony silence that fell around Hunny and Mori as the girls left for the day was almost unbearable. Kyoya's eyes remained glued to his laptop, the only one in the room who was not at odds with anyone in particular. A light kiss was exchanged with Kaoru before the twins left, the only contact Kyoya had with any of them through the entire Hosting session. Tamaki joined him in cleaning once the others were gone.

"Today was tense," Tamaki noted sadly.

"Very," Kyoya agreed.

"Days like this, I wonder whether the Club was a mistake."

"You'll all sort yourselves out," Kyoya assured him. "You all will. That's just who you all are."

"You're sure?"

"It's one of the only reasons I can put up with any of you," Kyoya admitted. "No matter what happens, we all manage to find a way to get along again in the end."

Tamaki sighed. "I'll take your word for it," he said.

"I've got it from here, Tamaki," Kyoya said. "You can get going if you'd like."

Tamaki smiled. "See you tomorrow then," he said, heading for the door. His drive home was uneventful, but he was anxious to get home, anxious for the comfort of his bed, his iPod, and the book Kyoya loaned him. Anxious to escape for a little while.

"Tamaki," said Yuzuru as his son entered. Tamaki looked at his father quizzically, concerned by his father's urgent tone. "Your grandmother is in the living room, she's requested to speak with you. Would you like me to go with you?"

"Would you please?" Tamaki said, trying not to sound as desperate as he felt.

The chairman nodded, following his son into the vast living room. Sure enough, Tamaki's grandmother sat in the center of the loveseat, her eyes on the lit fireplace as she awaited them. Tamaki took a seat on the couch, his father beside him, and waited for her to address him. After a considerable silence, she spoke.

"I believe I requested to speak with the boy privately?"

"He's my son," the chairman said flatly. "Whatever it is you have to say to him can be said in front of me."

"You'll leave the two of us."

"Your instructions on how to run my business are one thing; I'll not have you telling me how to handle my son."

There was another sizeable pause. "Very well," she said dryly before turning her eyes to Tamaki. "I've a matter to discuss with you."

"Yes, I gathered that," Tamaki said with a polite smile.

"Don't get smart with me, boy. I'm not one of the _guests_ in your little club; you'll speak respectfully to me."

"Yes, ma'am," Tamaki said apologetically.

She gave a self-satisfied smile before continuing. "I found this in your bedroom," she said, pulling an envelope from inside her kimono.

Tamaki could feel his face going pale as his father spoke again.

"What business did you have in my son's bedroom?" he asked angrily. "More importantly, what business did you have rummaging through his things?"

"The boy has been acting suspiciously lately."

"_The boy_ has a name," the chairman said, "and I suggest you use it. Now what business do you have digging through Tamaki's things?"

"He was forbidden to make contact with his mother."

"_She_ made contact with _him_."

"And he wrote her back."

The chairman fell silent, and his mother gave a self-righteous smile. She turned her eyes again to Tamaki, whose hands had begun to shake as he sensed what his grandmother would say next.

"Your end of the bargain having been broken," she said, and Tamaki's heart seized, "your mother will be left to her own devices. Ill-health and all."

"You bitch," Tamaki said before he could stop himself. She reached across the table and slapped him hard across the face.

The chairman rose, shouting, "You will not touch my son!"

Tears rose to Tamaki's eyes and his heart ached for his mother. "You can't do this," he whispered. "She'll die."

"As she deserves. Little whore."

Before he was aware he had moved, Tamaki was on his feet, lunging for her. His father caught him around the chest, knocking the breath out of him, and sat back down on the couch, struggling to keep hold of his son.

"You bitch!" Tamaki yelled, pulling violently against his father's grip. "You self-servicing, coldhearted, conniving, murderous bitch!"

"Tamaki, stop!" his father said, breathless.

"She called my mother a whore!" Tamaki said, falling still and staring pleadingly into his father's eyes. "She plans to leave my mother to die! Dad, please, you can't let this happen!"

"You broke your word, Tamaki," the chairman said. "There's nothing I can do."

"You authorized it!" Tamaki shouted desperately, agonized, tears falling from his eyes. "You gave me the letter, you covered for me when I mailed mine! Dad, what are you doing?"

"I'm not finished with you, boy," the woman said.

"_Tamaki_," Tamaki spat. "My name is _Tamaki_. And my mother is easily twice the woman you ever were, and she does not deserve to die because someone like you set a terrible bargain and then went back on the one shred of kindness you ever showed. I will _not_ sit here and have her called a whore by the likes of you, you who married a rich man, Chairman of Ouran Academy, and fancy yourself queen of the world because that man couldn't see through your _lies_. You never loved him and you know it, and the only reason you give me a second glance is so you don't lose what you gained from him. You're the last person who has any goddamn right to be calling my mother a whore."

"You go too far, boy."

"Did you love him?" Tamaki asked viciously. "Look me in the eye, tell me honestly you loved your husband, and I'll stop talking right now."

She hesitated, and Tamaki nodded smugly.

"Whore," he said pointedly. "You have no right."

"Sit down, boy."

"_Tamaki_," Tamaki said again, standing his ground.

"Sit down, Tamaki," his father said. "You've made your point, now sit down."

Tamaki sat, his eyes on his grandmother, who was looking significantly less pleased with herself. A spark came to her eyes suddenly and she stood, picked up the letter again, and walked over and threw it in the fire. Tamaki's breath hitched, and his father placed a consoling hand on his shoulder.

"That wasn't necessary," Yuzuru said angrily.

"I think you'll find it was."

"I doubt that."

The woman smiled, taking her seat again and facing Tamaki. "There's another matter I wish to discuss."

"Go on," Tamaki said flatly, watching his mother's letter crumble in flames.

"Look at me when I talk to you boy."

Tamaki tore his eyes away from the letter and looked at his grandmother. She smiled smugly when she caught a glimpse of the agony in his eyes.

"That's better. Now, what's this I hear about you and the Ootori boy?"

"Kyoya?" Yuzuru said. "They're best friends, what about it?"

"I think they're more than friends."

"Which is no concern of yours," Tamaki said, his voice still lifeless.

"Your image is business of mine," his grandmother said. "If you're to become Chairman of Ouran Academy, your image must be kept intact to keep that of the Academy intact as well, and your homosexual relations will see to the destruction of both."

Tamaki snorted in contempt amusement and his father stared; the sound did not suit his son at all.

"Homosexual relations?" he repeated. "That's what you see between me and Kyoya? He's my best friend."

"You were seen kissing him last week."

There was a brief pause before the chairman said, to Tamaki, "Kissing Kyoya? Aren't you still seeing Haruhi?"

Just as Tamaki turned toward his father to tell him he'd broken up with Haruhi over a week ago, his grandmother spoke again.

"Promiscuity is not the issue I am here to address," she said flatly. "It seems to run in his family and likely can't be helped. Now, boy, explain to me why you were seen kissing him last week."

"By whom, might I ask?" Tamaki asked when he found his voice again.

"Yuuichi Ootori."

Tamaki's heart skipped several beats; Kyoya's oldest brother had seen them, and had likely told their father. His heart ached for his friend before his grandmother's words brought him back.

"First that Fujioka whore and now this? The third son of the Ootori family?" she said. "No grandson of mine is to have homosexual relations, you hear me? You're never to see him again! You're never to see any of that host club again, you hear me filthy child?"

Tamaki's blood boiled with her words.

"Haruhi is not a whore," he said.

"I beg to differ. No girl who spends that much time with six boys can possibly be as wholesome as you swear she is. And all that time in your little host club, entertaining young women? I wouldn't be surprised to hear of her homosexuality."

"And if she is?" Tamaki snapped. "You'll stop degrading Haruhi."

"And the others?" she went on. "That Morinozuka boy, does he ever speak? Is he simple?"

"Mori-senpai is at the top of his class, he's just quiet," Tamaki began, but his grandmother talked over him.

"I can't begin to list the things that are wrong with those twins. They disgust me."

"They're close."

"Close?" she sneered. "Close is one thing. Incestuous is another. And the little one, what grade is he even in? That stuffed rabbit is atrocious, and he speaks as though he's still in elementary school. The whole lot of them is no good, wastes of human life and affluence. You'll come live with me and be rid of them!"

"I'll do nothing of the sort," Tamaki said simply. "They're my friends, and nothing you say about any of them makes any bit of difference."

"Tamaki," his father said. "It's already been arranged. You're to go live with your grandmother."

There was a pause while Tamaki registered his father's words. "Dad," he said when his voice returned. "You can't be serious. Being pulled away from my mother was enough, now you're sending me off with her? Dad, please, you can't. Please. Dad, I can't, I-"

"I'm sorry, Tamaki," he said, heartbreakingly sincere. "I'm sorry."

Tamaki bit his lip to keep it from trembling as his grandmother rose and headed for the door.

"You're a monster!" he called after her. "You _hate_ me! You really want to see me every day?'

"Don't flatter yourself, boy," she said. "I'm not taking you in for my own benefit but for that of the company."

"How does that excuse this?" Tamaki shouted, rising again and taking a few steps toward her. "Insulting Hunny and Mori, and the twins, and Kyoya? All of whom come from the families of important business partners of yours, in case you'd forgotten. If they should find out half the things you just said, it won't matter what I do, the 'company image' will be ruined anyway, and don't think I won't just _happen_ to let some of this leak out."

"Boy-"

"I've told you, it's Tamaki, and if I'm going to live with you, I suggest you get that straight. There's nothing wrong with any of my friends. Mori-senpai is one of the most brilliant people I've ever met, even if he doesn't talk much. He notices things about people that no one else does, because he listens. And Hunny-senpai may be a little strange, but he sees and experiences the world the way a child does but has the maturity to protect himself from it and interpret it. I think Hunny-senpai is incredible. And Usa-chan is important to him, someone he loves gave it to him, something you wouldn't understand. The twins are shy, and yeah, maybe they have some problems, but they have each other and they get by with that the best they can." Tamaki paused, quickly drawing a deep breath to steady himself. "Haruhi can't help it if she doesn't have as much money as we do, but she got into Ouran Academy on a scholarship, which you should know is no easy feat and I know she'll make something of herself. And I don't care if Kyoya is the third son, he's my best friend, and you're right, he's probably more than that. But everything he does, he does exceptionally well. He does everything that anyone ever asks of him and then some, and no one ever congratulates him or thanks him, but he does it anyway. They're all amazing people, and I think I'm lucky to have them as my friends, no matter what you say."

"Are you finished?" she asked, unmoved. Tamaki glared. "We'll be leaving some time before you get out of school. Be ready."

The moment she had the front door closed behind her, Tamaki dissolved into tears, his entire body racked with sobs as he slumped over the arm of the couch.

"Tamaki," his father began gently.

"She can't do this," Tamaki sobbed. "Dad, please, there has to be something you can do."

"Tamaki, I assure you, the last thing I want is for her to take you away. But there's nothing I can do."

"What about my mother?" Tamaki said frantically, turning around to face his father. "She'll die if we don't help her, she can't work, and she can't afford the medicine herself."

"I know," the chairman said. "And believe me, Tamaki, I'm trying. I know she needs the help. I will find a way out of this, I will find a way to help your mother, I promise."

Tamaki threw his arms around his father, sobbing into his chest. "Thank you," he said. "Thank you."

The chairman held his son gently, rubbing his back as he continued to cry. After a moment, Tamaki pulled away, still tearful, and stood.

"Where are you going?" his father asked as he headed for the garage.

"To see Kyoya," he said. "I need to talk to him."

"Have the chauffer take you. You shouldn't drive when you're like this."

"I'll be fine," Tamaki said flatly, stepping into the garage and hitting the button on the garage door opener. The chairman had an urge to follow him and make sure he was okay, but instead he headed toward his office to see what could be done for Tamaki's mother.

Tamaki got into his car and hooked up his iPod again, pulling away and driving off too fast, much too fast, as tears continued to roll down his face.

_Nobody knows. Nobody knows but me that I sometimes cry. If I could pretend that I'm asleep when my tears start to fall. I peek out from behind these walls. I think nobody knows, nobody knows. Nobody likes, nobody likes to lose that inner voice, the one I used to hear before my life mad a choice. I think nobody knows. Baby, oh this secret's safe with me. There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be. And baby, oh I feel like I'm all alone. Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown and I've lost my way back home? Nobody knows. Nobody cares. It's win or lose, not how you play the game. And the world of darkness has a way of always knowing my name, but I think nobody knows._

He couldn't bring himself to face Kyoya. He drove past the drive of the Ootori estate and turned instead toward a nearby park. He parked his car on the side of the road and got out. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve as he headed for the nearest tree, which he immediately proceeded to climb, just as he had when he lived with his mother. He perched himself on a sturdy branch, and there he sat for nearly an hour, crying silently, lost in thought.

'_You're never to see any of that host club again!'_

Life without the Host Club. Without Hunny and Mori, or the twins, or Haruhi. Or Kyoya.

Kyoya.

The tears redoubled themselves at the thought of losing Kyoya, who Tamaki now knew was his best friend and then some.

_Tomorrow I'll be there my friend. And we'll just start all over again when everybody else is gone._

_**XxX**_

Finally, Tamaki had settled himself enough to climb down. He slid back into his car, driving home at a much safer speed. When he reentered the house, his father was still sitting on the couch in the living room.

"Tamaki," he said. "Are you alright?"

"No," Tamaki said.

"Where did you go? I just called Kyoya and he said you weren't there."

"I went to the park," Tamaki said. "I couldn't go to Kyoya yet."

"Okay. Dinner's ready."

"I'm not hungry."

Tamaki walked up the stairs and to his bedroom, closing the door behind him before changing into his pajamas and crawling into bed, not anticipating falling asleep any time soon.

His phone buzzed.

_**Kyoya:** Where are you? Your dad just called and he sounded worried. He said you were upset about something._

_I'm fine, _Tamaki texted back. _I just got home. I'll talk to you tomorrow, I promise. Good night._

Tamaki silenced his phone and threw it in the drawer of his nightstand before rising again and walking over to the en suite bathroom and pulling a roll gauze from the drawer next to the sink, his hands trembling as he reached for the razor.

_Nobody knows. Nobody knows the rhythm of my heart, the way I feel when I'm lying in the dark and the world is asleep. Nobody knows but me._

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

No, Tama-chan! Don't do it! I feel so bad for writing this.

Anyway.

I originally wasn't going to include this chapter. The fight between Tamaki and his grandmother was written, but wasn't actually going to appear "on camera," but I decided to throw it in. Anyway, tell me what you think (:

Songs: _Nobody Knows_ by Pink (I'm not sure it fits, but I think it's okay)


	16. Candles

Kinda funny (but not actually funny at all) story. This is chapter 16 and the title song is _Candles,_ so the file name on my flash drive was "16 Candles" and it made me giggle a little. But moving on.

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've had a lot of things on my mind other than fan fiction.

There's more angst in this chapter. Yay, angst! I love writing angst, but then I feel bad about being mean to the characters, ya know?

This chapter's song is _Candles_ by Hey Monday.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Again, the teacher had left the class to wait out the last few minutes in silence. Tamaki sighed, pulling out his notebook and doodling absentmindedly, his thoughts elsewhere entirely. He glanced at Kyoya, reading silently in the seat next to him. Finally the bell rang, and the two of them rose to exit.

"Kyoya," the teacher said as they passed. "Could I talk to you for a moment?"

"Of course," Kyoya said.

"Do you want me to wait for you?" Tamaki asked.

"No, go ahead," Kyoya said.

Tamaki nodded with a smile and set off toward the music room, wondering vaguely what the teacher wanted from Kyoya.

Tamaki closed the music room doors behind him before leaning his back against one and sliding to the floor. Once behind the closed door, he dropped his façade, unleashing his litany. He drew his knees up to his chest, burying his face in them and gripping his head in both hands, so overcome with sobs he could hardly breathe. His grandmother's words ran through his head over and over, ceaselessly repeating.

'_What's this I hear about you and that Ootori boy? First that Fujioka whore and now _this_? The third son of the Ootori family? No grandson of mine is to have homosexual relations, you hear me? You're never to see him again! You're never to see any of that host club again, you hear me filthy child? You'll come live with me and be rid of them!_''

'_filthy child...you're never to see any of that host club again..._'

The words had nearly broken him the first time they were spoken, and their ongoing stream was more than he could bear, but try as he might he could not shake them.

The door next to him opened and he looked up to see Hikaru making his entrance into the clubroom, alone. Tamaki held his breath to stifle the sobs as he wiped his eyes hurriedly. He noticed as he did so that Hikaru also brought a hand to his face, apparently wiping away tears of his own.

"Hikaru," he said from his spot on the floor. His voice cracked. Hikaru jumped and looked around for his addresser. "Down here, silly," Tamaki said gently.

Hikaru looked down, his brow furrowing in concern when he saw Tamaki's tearstained face.

"What's wrong, Hikaru?" Tamaki asked.

"I was about to ask you the same thing," Hikaru replied

"Ah, but you didn't," Tamaki pointed out with a half-hearted smile.

"Touché," Hikaru allowed. He lowered himself to the floor, sitting next to Tamaki. He sighed, leaning his head against the door, tilted slightly to one side, and Tamaki could perfectly picture Kaoru leaning the opposite way; the picture seemed almost incomplete without him. Perhaps Hikaru noticed too.

"Where's Kaoru?" Tamaki asked hesitantly.

Hikaru sat up, biting his lip to keep it from trembling. He closed his eyes, forcing a deep breath, a difficult feat thanks to the tight lump in his throat.

"I see," Tamaki said.

"He'll be here soon," Hikaru whispered. "He's in the classroom still, with Haruhi. I left before him. I wanted to be alone."

"That's not like you."

"Yeah, well, sitting alone in the Clubroom, crying without explaining yourself isn't exactly your style either, Suoh," Hikaru snapped.

"'Suoh'?" Tamaki asked with another feeble smile.

"I'm sorry," Hikaru said softly, quickly. "I didn't-"

"It's alight," Tamaki said, shaking his head. "So did you want to talk about it? Why you wanted to be alone, I mean."

Hikaru hesitated. "Kaoru's been really upset lately," he said. "And I feel like it's my fault."

"Why?"

"Kaoru and I got in a fight," he said. "A real fight. And a bad one. And I said some shit I shouldn't have. And I can't _stand_ the feeling of losing Kaoru, I love Kaoru more than anything else on this planet. He is _the_ absolute most important thing in the world to me. And I know he was right. All he did was try to help me, and I pushed him away, because I couldn't tell him what I was thinking."

"Which would be...?"

Again, Hikaru hesitated. "I'm confused," he said. "I've been having mixed feelings toward Kaoru lately. I mean, like I said, he is the most important thing in my universe. But... I can feel myself pulling away from him since I met Haruhi, and I don't know how I feel about that."

It sounded as though he was going to say more, but he stopped, looking at Tamaki.

"Okay," he said. "Your turn, Boss. Spill it, what's wrong?"

Tamaki sighed, trying to decide where to start. "I got into a fight with my grandmother last night," he said. "A bad fight."

_First that Fujioka whore and now _this_? The third son of the Ootori family? You'll come live with me and be rid of them! . . . Filthy child, filthy child,_ _filthy child, filthy child, filthy child, filthy child. . ._

"Tamaki," Hikaru said, gripping Tamaki's shoulder firmly. Tamaki had not been aware he was crying again. "Boss, breathe."

Tamaki nodded, forcing a deep, shuddering breath, and a second, but dissolved into sobs again before he could manage a third. He buried his face in his knees again and gripped his head in both hands, plucking out a few hairs . . ._ filthy child. . ._

"Tamaki," Hikaru said urgently, grabbing hold of Tamaki's thin wrists. His eyes widened in shock before he pulled Tamaki to his feet. The rest of the Club would be here soon, and it was best they didn't see Tamaki like this. He half dragged, half carried his friend to the bathroom down the hall, bolting the lock behind them so no one else would come in. He lifted Tamaki up and sat him on the counter. The muscles in his arms protested; Tamaki was heavier than Kaoru. He grabbed a towel, wetted the corner of it, and proceeded to wipe the tear tracks away from Tamaki's face, just as he had Kaoru's a week before. Tamaki watched him as he threw the towel into the laundry. He turned back to face Tamaki, who was still sniffling slightly and hiccupping with tears. Hikaru walked over to him and grabbed his wrist again, pulling the sleeve up and looking up into Tamaki's deep purple eyes. Tamaki tried to pull away, but Hikaru held him fast. Tamaki avoided his gaze as Hikaru pointed to the cross-wired cuts on Tamaki's wrist.

"Why?" Hikaru demanded.

Tamaki wavered, knowing he wouldn't get away with _I-don't-want-to-talk-about_-_it_ after the breakdown he'd just had. He stared at the floor, speaking in a flat, even tone, expressionless. "My grandmother wants to take me away."

"What?" Hikaru said incredulously, dropping Tamaki's hand.

Tamaki drew a shaky breath, pulling his sleeve back down and fidgeting with the button. "She found out about my date with Kyoya. And she... doesn't approve. She doesn't want me seeing him or talking to him...him or any of you."

He paused here, obviously fighting more tears. One escaped, and Hikaru wiped it away gently.

"My mother wrote me a letter," Tamaki continued hesitantly. "I'm not sure how she managed to contact me, but she did. She said she misses me, and she thinks about me all the time. She said the house is too quiet without me. She says she misses hearing me play the piano and she hopes that I still play. I miss playing for her. I miss _her_..."

He paused again, but only briefly. "My grandmother found the letter. She burned it." His voice broke on "burned." He took a deep breath, deciding to leave out the part about his grandmother's refusal to continue paying his mother's medical expenses.

Hikaru pulled himself up onto the counter next to Tamaki. He placed a hand on Tamaki's back, trying to consol him if only slightly.

"And Kyoya..." Tamaki whispered. "Kyoya's been. Drinking." He paused. It was immediately apparent why he saved this story for last; it was the most difficult to tell without succumbing to tears again. "He was drunk when he got in that fight with Takanaga. He wouldn't tell me how long this has been going on. But you've seen him, you know he's been messed up lately. And I know what you're going to say," he snapped as Hikaru began to speak. "I'm not proud of how I'm handling things, and I won't say it's any better than what Kyoya's doing, and I know I'm a hypocrite, but please-" he broke off, taking a deep breath before continuing. "He won't tell me how long he's been drinking. Or all of why. I _know_ there's something he isn't telling me. But we went out, just to get his mind off things. And we had the most amazing night, and he was smiling the whole time. Not the smile he has after a successful business maneuver or whatever, not smug or anything, just happy, and it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen...and he doesn't remember it." He paused again, and Hikaru sighed; Tamaki hadn't meant to say that last part, it was obvious. But it still upset him, even if not as much as other things. Tamaki pressed on. "I found him the next day, sneaking vodka again after Club. I wish he'd asked for help before he got to this point," he whispered. "I wish he'd let me help him." He trailed off into quiet sobs. Hikaru pulled Tamaki into his arms, rubbing his back gently; the slow, rhythmic motion helped to ease Tamaki's breathing.

"Thank you," Tamaki said with another sob.

Hikaru gave him a quizzical look. "There's more, isn't there?" he said.

Tamaki nodded into Hikaru's shoulder.

"I broke up with Haruhi," he said. "I know you already know that, but still. I hate this, I can't even look at her, I feel horrible. I know I hurt her. But I had to, I kissed Kyoya. I couldn't still see her after that, I couldn't do that to her. And she wasn't even mad at me when I told her I kissed Kyoya, which I guess should make me feel better but it doesn't, it just makes me feel worse. And I talked to Kyoya and we came to the conclusion that the kiss was a mistake, we agree that we don't like each other that way, so I didn't even need to break up with Haruhi. But I feel like I don't love her that way either, which makes me feel awful for having been dating her, I feel like I lied to her."

"You're putting too much thought into this," Hikaru said gently. "Have you tried talking to Haruhi?"

"I can't," Tamaki said. "I can't even look at her."

"Haruhi is not mad at you," Hikaru said. "You know that. Just talk to her. It doesn't even have to be about this; just try talking to her again. Haruhi's strong, she'll get through this, but it'll be easier for her if she doesn't feel like you hate her."

"Does she?" Tamaki asked, horrified.

Hikaru sighed; he shouldn't have brought this up. "She does," he said sadly. "She asked me and Kaoru if you did. She's so upset about this."

Tamaki sighed miserably. "I don't hate her," he said. "I love her, just not in the way I thought I did."

"Then tell her that," Hikaru said. "She needs to know that."

"I know," Tamaki said. "I'll tell her."

"Good."

There was another pause.

"My grandmother called Haruhi a whore," Tamaki said miserably. "I hate her. The way she looks at me. Like I'm something dirty. Like it's my fault I'm a-"

He stopped himself, but Hikaru filled in the missing words in his mind.

_filthy child._

"Tamaki," he said gently.

"She called Haruhi a whore," Tamaki said. "And she thinks Mori-senpai's stupid, just because he's quiet. She treats Hunny like a child, she treats you and Kaoru like filth, and she constantly insults Kyoya. I hate her." He paused. "I've never said that out loud before. But it's true. _I hate her._ I hate the way she talks to me, and I hate the way she treats my friends. And my mother. She said my mother deserves to die." He paused again. "And I don't know when we're leaving. She won't tell me when she's taking me."

"She's not," Hikaru said fiercely. "She's not pulling this shit again, Tamaki, you're staying here."

Tamaki gave a weak smile. "I'm not sure how that's gonna work this time, Hikaru," he said, defeated; the sound made Hikaru's skin crawl. No one as strong and brave and _stubborn_ as Tamaki Suoh should sound so broken.

"We'll think of something, Boss," he said. "I'll talk to Kaoru, we'll think of something, I promise. You're not staying with that bitch, we won't let you. You're staying here. Now c'mon," he said, hopping down and holding his hand out for Tamaki. "The others will be at Club by now and we can't start without you."

_**XxXxX**_

Haruhi looked up when the music room doors opened; Tamaki and Hikaru filed in silently, joining the others congregated near the center of the room.

"Just a normal day, guys," Tamaki said flatly, not making eye contact with anyone.

The other Hosts all nodded as Haruhi walked over and opened the door to let the day's customers in, her eyes locked on Tamaki; they hadn't spoken at all since they'd broken up. She had gone back to walking to and from school. Every time they passed in the hallway, he hastily turned his eyes away, ashamed. It was unbearable. She missed him terribly, but she understood fully why he left. She wanted desperately to tell him she understood. And now, every aspect of Tamaki's demeanor made it abundantly clear that he had been crying. Hard. And she wanted to know why. She walked away, stopping next to Mori, who was watching Hunny talk to some of the girls. She found it strange that Mori was not sitting with them, but she passed it off as nothing; it wasn't as if the whole club wasn't off-kilter today anyway.

There was something different about the way Mori was watching Hunny. His gaze was somehow more intent than usual, as if he expected something to happen.

"Mori-senpai?" she said. He looked at her. There was an expression in Mori's eyes the likes of which Haruhi had never seen, and that she could not quite place. "Never mind," she said.

Mori nodded and looked back at Hunny.

Tamaki kept his eyes on Kyoya as the girls filed in; he looked terrible. His face was too pale. The dark circles under his eyes were starting to look permanent. He had hardly touched his lunch that day. And Tamaki could have sworn he had seen tears in his eyes that morning when he'd arrived.

"Kyoya?" Tamaki said once the last of the girls had entered the Club and started taking their seats. "Are you alright?"

Kyoya sighed. "I don't know, Tamaki." His voice broke slightly.

"What's wrong?" Tamaki asked.

"I'll tell you after Club."

"The girls can wait a few minutes," Tamaki said fiercely. "What's wrong, Kyoya?"

Kyoya hesitated.

Tamaki pulled Kyoya into a tight hug. Kyoya stiffened at first, cringing away, but Tamaki only tightened his hold. Kyoya felt Tamaki's breath hitch slightly, as if he was going to cry. "I hate seeing you like this, Kyoya," Tamaki said. "I can't fucking stand it. This isn't you. Kyoya, I love you."

Kyoya hugged back. "I'm sorry, Tamaki," he whispered in the blonde's ear. "I'm so sorry. I love you too." They held each other tighter.

Hikaru saw this and panicked, not wanting the girls to see this tender moment between Tamaki and Kyoya. He looked around for something to facilitate a "brotherly love" moment, always the perfect way to get the girls' attention. His eyes met Kaoru's. The feelings for his brother, love and confusion combined, surged forward, and, all thought of Tamaki vanishing from his mind, he placed his hands on either side of Kaoru's face and kissed him passionately, full on the mouth, as he had wanted to for days. Kaoru panicked and tried to pull away, feeling trapped, claustrophobic; Hikaru pulled his hands away from his brother's face but kept kissing him. Kaoru still hesitated, but melted into the moment, kissing back with full force. The sound of the girls' squeals reminded Hikaru of his surroundings and assured him that his diversion was affective, but more importantly, Kaoru was kissing back, holding him in a vice-like grip, assuring him that he was not the only one who had wanted this. Kaoru's breath caught, and Hikaru pulled away abruptly, concerned. Kaoru's eyes were brimming with tears.

"I love you," Kaoru said in a choked whisper.

Hikaru took his brother in his arms. "I love you too," he said. The girls shrieked their approval.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," Hikaru whispered in Kaoru's ear, soft enough the girls would not hear.

"Then why didn't you?" Kaoru said, equally as soft.

"It doesn't matter now," Hikaru breathed. "I love you Kaoru."

Tamaki held Kyoya for a few more moments before pulling away, placing his hands gently on either side of Kyoya's face.

"Better?" he asked.

"A little," Kyoya admitted.

Tamaki squeezed Kyoya's shoulder before walking away. He passed by Haruhi and caught her eye, but hurriedly looked away. She hastily brought a hand to her face to wipe away the tears that fell. Haruhi tried to walk away, tried to leave the room before anyone saw the tears, but Mori grabbed her shoulder.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

She nodded. "I-I'm fine," she said. Mori let her go, not at all convinced; she walked away quickly.

Hunny excused himself from the table and walked over to Mori.

"Takashi, was Haru-chan _crying_?"

Mori nodded.

Hunny frowned. "Haru-chan never cries," he whispered.

"I know," Mori said. "I hope she's alright."

"Me too."

Haruhi ran into the storeroom, slamming the door shut behind her and sliding to the floor, sobbing. Desperate to block out the sounds of the Host Club, she pulled out her iPod, turning the volume as loud as it would go.

_Another night sleepless, I don't want to feel this, nothing can stop this pain. I'm trying to get to a time I forget you, still tangled in yesterday. It's so easy for you to feel nothing for me. Did you ever feel anything? I want you to cry over me, die over me, even for a moment, only for a moment. I want you to hurt over me, feel what I feel, I want you to cry over, die over me baby, why can't you hurt like I do, like I hurt over you? Can't you just cry over, die over me baby, just one time?_

_**XxXxX**_

Hikaru watched Haruhi run past him and felt an urge to follow her, to make sure she was okay. Unfortunately, the girls saw her too.

"Is Haruhi alright?" one of them asked.

"I'm not sure," Hikaru said. "I was about to go check on him." In his concern, he almost said "her," but luckily caught himself in time. He glanced to Kaoru. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"I'm fine," Kaoru said. "Go ahead."

Hikaru nodded and got up from his spot on the couch, heading for the storeroom. He knocked, but received to answer, and so he opened the door and stepped in. He found Haruhi curled in a tight ball on the floor, ear buds in her ears, tears streaming down her face. He knelt and touched her shoulder gently. She looked up, startled, and pulled the headphones out.

"Hey, Hikaru," she said miserably.

"Are you alright?" Hikaru asked.

"As if I could get away with saying 'yes' right now," Haruhi murmured, and Hikaru smiled sadly.

"What's wrong?"

Haruhi hesitated. "Do you know what's wrong with Tamaki?" she asked. "He looks like he's been crying, and I can't ask him why. He won't even look at me."

"He can't," Hikaru said. "It hurts. He knows he hurt you."

"You talked to him about that?"

Hikaru nodded. "I told him you were worried that he might hate you now. He felt terrible after I said that. He wants to talk to you but he's not ready."

"Okay," Haruhi said. "Why was he crying?"

"Well you were part of it," Hikaru said. "Give yourself some credit, Haruhi."

She smiled feebly. When Hikaru didn't continue, she asked, "Was Kyoya drinking part of it?"

"You knew about that?" Hikaru asked.

"He wasn't acting like himself," Haruhi said simply. "And there was a water bottle with vodka in it on the floor in here when I came in for the next meeting. It wasn't that hard to figure out."

"Kaoru figured it out," Hikaru said. "Kyoya got in a fight, and Kaoru could smell alcohol on his breath. But yes, Kyoya drinking was part of it. They went on a date and Kyoya doesn't remember it. He remembers parts of it, but not all of it. Tamaki didn't know he was that drunk or he would have taken him to the hospital. He could have gotten really sick. And, ya know, the fact that he's been drinking at all is something to worry about."

Haruhi remembered some of the times her father had drunk himself half to death, and her sympathy for Tamaki was very high. It also couldn't help that Kyoya simply didn't remember what must have been a wonderful night for Tamaki. Haruhi frowned.

"Thank you," she said.

"Wait," Hikaru said. "There's something else. I wasn't going to tell you, but I think you need to know. Everyone needs to know, but I don't think Tamaki's going to say anything." Hikaru paused. "Tamaki's grandmother found out about that night, and she wants to take him away. She doesn't want him near any of us."

"She's tried that before," Haruhi said angrily. "It didn't work then, what makes her think it'll work now?"

Hikaru bit his lip. "Haruhi," he said. "Tamaki's been cutting."

"Oh god," Haruhi whispered. "Are you sure?"

Hikaru nodded. "I saw the cuts, and he admitted it," he said. "And he told me everything I just told you, and then some. He's been bottling up a lot of things for a long time."

"He knows he can talk to us," Haruhi said, almost sounding angry. "He keeps reminding all of us that, you think he'd remember it himself."

"Yeah, well, there's Tamaki for you," Hikaru said. "Are you going back out there?"

Haruhi shook her head. "I don't think so," she said. "I don't think I can."

"Understandable," Hikaru said. "Do you want me to bring your stuff back here?"

"Would you?"

Hikaru nodded. "I'll be right back," he said, getting to his feet and heading back out. He stopped by Kaoru and their customers on his way to grab Haruhi's backpack.

"Haruhi isn't feeling very well today," he said. "He'll be staying in the storeroom where it's quiet."

The girls all nodded in concern as Hikaru walked away, grabbing Haruhi's belongings and taking them back to the storeroom. She thanked him again and he went back to the couch.

_**XxX**_

Haruhi reentered the music room after Club, wiping her eyes, hoping to have a word with Tamaki alone. She would force him to talk to her if she had to. She shook her head sadly, knowing she didn't have it in her to force him. She sighed, frustrated, nearly missing her chance to talk to him as he walked by; she grabbed his jacket. He turned, startled.

"Oh, Haruhi," he said, distracted, "I didn't even see you there. What is it?"

"Tamaki-senpai," she began hesitantly.

Tamaki blinked. The suffix felt strange in his ears, having not heard it from Haruhi in so long.

"I'm so sorry," he said abruptly, turning away.

"Tamaki," she started again, grabbing his sleeve again. "Are you feeling alright? You've been...not yourself today."

He took an almost imperceptible pause before speaking. "I'm alright, Haruhi," he said somberly. "Don't worry about me."

_That won't be easy_, Haruhi thought as Tamaki walked away.

_**XxXxX**_

When Tamaki returned home that day, his grandmother was waiting for him again. He met her eyes, carefully keeping the closest thing to a blank, polite face that he could.

"Start packing, boy," she said. "We leave in exactly one week."

She brushed past him and out the door, leaving him rooted to the spot, his mind reeling. After a few moments, he walked back to the garage. His father caught him by the elbow as he reached for the doorknob.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"To see Haruhi," he said. "I have a week to say goodbye to everyone, and Haruhi and I still aren't speaking. I need to fix this. Right now."

"Alright," his father said. "Don't stay too late. I need to talk to you too." Tamaki nodded. "Take the limo, please," his father said, nearly pleading. "You really shouldn't drive when you're upset."

"I'll be fine, Dad."

Yuzuru hesitated, but let go of his son's arm. "Alright," he said. "Just be careful."

"I will."

Tamaki made his way out to his car, starting it and driving off. He reached Haruhi's apartment quickly, walked up to the door, and knocked desperately. Thankfully, Haruhi herself answered the door, meaning Ranka was not home, which would make this easier.

"Haruhi," he said, and Haruhi looked shocked to see him. "I need to talk to you."

"Alright," she said. "Come in."

"Haruhi," he said, stepping into the apartment. "Hikaru told me you started crying in Club today. I never meant to hurt you."

"I'm fine, Tamaki," she said. "Yeah, I got upset for a minute, but I'm okay."

"I don't like the way things ended between us. I still love you," he assured her, turning to face her again and looking deep into her eyes. "I may not know anything else. But I know I still love you. And always will. Please know that. It may not be in the same way, but it's still there."

Haruhi smiled. "I understand," she said. "I think it goes back to your original theory of you being my 'dad'."

Tamaki smiled back. "That sounds about right," he said.

"So why the sudden turn around?" Haruhi asked.

Tamaki hesitated, and a new round of tears came to his eyes. "How much did Hikaru tell you when he went to see if you were okay?"

"That you've been cutting yourself," she said, admonishingly concerned.

Tamaki cringed. "Other than that," he said almost desperately.

"Kyoya doesn't remember his date with you," she said. "And your grandmother wants to take you away."

"In a week," Tamaki said. "She just told me. We're leaving a week from today."

"No," Haruhi said angrily. "Tamaki, she can't do this."

"Yes she can," Tamaki said, turning away from her. "My father's already approved it."

"Has he gone _mad_?"

"There's nothing he can do."

"You'll lose your mind living with her."

"I'm already losing it, Haruhi," Tamaki said miserably, letting the tears fall. He sat down on the couch, shaking with sobs. "She's withdrawing the Suoh family support from my mother," he said. "She's going to let her die."

"Tamaki," Haruhi said, not knowing what else to say.

"She burned my mother's letter," Tamaki said, and the pain in his voice was unbearable. Haruhi sat down next to him. He threw himself into her arms. "I can't do this anymore," he sobbed. "She pulls me away from my mother, then she tries to kill her and pulls me away from my father and my friends. I can't handle this, Haruhi. I can't."

Haruhi stroked his hair gently, trying to soothe him.

"You'll be fine, Tamaki," she said. "You're the single strongest person I've ever met. I know you'll find a way to get through this. We'll miss you, but we know you'll be okay."

"Haruhi," he said sadly, pulling away. "It's good to know you all have so much confidence in me. But I'm not this strong. I think I've proven that I can't handle this."

He rolled up his sleeve, exposing the cross-wired cuts on his wrist. Tears sprang to Haruhi's eyes at the sight of them, and she tugged his sleeve back down before she threw her arms around him again.

"Tamaki," she said, her voice muffled as she spoke into his shoulder. "I don't know how you came to this. But stop. This isn't you, and I hate it."

"I know," Tamaki said miserably. "I'm not fond of it either."

"I love you," Haruhi said firmly, pulling away to look him in the eyes. "You're not alone. You have me, and Kyoya-senpai and Hikaru. Tamaki, you spend so much time telling all of us we can come to you for help, now take your own advice. We're here for you."

"Thank you, Haruhi."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

_****_I'm not sure how I feel about Haruhi having a moment of teenage-girl-ness and crying in a closet over a boy. It seems rather un-Haruhi-like to me. But oh well, I guess.

Song:  
><em>Cry Over Me<em> by Meatloaf (rearranged slightly)


	17. Speeding Cars

It has been forever since I updated, and I wholeheartedly apologize. I love all of you readers very much, and thank you for sticking with me. First couple weeks of college have been stressful, as were the last few weeks leading up to move-in day. And I got cast in my first college show (that isn't a complaint by any means, it's just that rehearsal cuts into my internet time).

And thank you so much for the positive reviews. They've been a real boost for me. I had a dreadful day today and then I went on this lovely website and saw the positive feedback and it made my day much less suckish. Thank you much, my lovelies, your kind words are deeply appreciated.

Anyway, let's move on, shall we?

This chapter's song is _Speeding Cars_ by Imogen Heap.

I do not own Ouran.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Almost time for the guests to start arriving, and Tamaki was nowhere to be found. Well, not _nowhere_, Kyoya reminded himself, forcing a deep breath and resisting the urge to snap his clipboard in half in frustration. The second to last major cosplay day planned for the year, and Tamaki wasn't here yet. Tamaki knew they had plans; at least he should, as they were _his_ plans. Kyoya glanced around the room, seeing that all the other Hosts were already in costume, and Tamaki's still lay on the back of one of the couches. Kyoya pinched the bridge of his nose, desperately hoping the slight ache in the back of his skull would stay just that, but part of him also hoping it would grow into the full-blown migraine it promised; the pain was a welcome distraction, drowning his thoughts better than the vodka (long since abandoned) ever had.

He pulled himself up from his seat, much to the protest of his injured knee, cursing the prospect of the stairs he would need to climb to find Tamaki. And cursing Tamaki for needing to be found. He cast another glance around the room, searching this time for Hikaru, knowing the Host King would more likely open up to Hikaru this time anyway.

Kyoya spotted the older Hitachiin and headed over to him, snatching up Tamaki's costume on the way.

"Hikaru," he said, with that unnerving calm of his. "Take Tamaki's costume, and go to the east gym. Go around to the left side and down the hall past the entrance to the courtyard, and take the service elevator up to the roof, and see if you can convince our 'king' to come down."

"He's on the roof?"

"Yes," Kyoya said, with a glance at his watch. "He has a rather irritating habit of venturing up there when he's upset. If you take this to him now, the two of you can be back in time for a dramatic entrance the girls should enjoy."

"Why me?"

Kyoya sighed, dropping his business façade if only for a moment. "I saw the look on Tamaki's face when he came in with you yesterday," he said softly. "And I know that look. I'm not sure what he told you, but it's something that he doesn't want me to know yet, so I won't be of much use to him right now. So go talk to him."

Hikaru nodded, taking the costume from Kyoya's hands and heading toward the east gym. How Tamaki found his way up to the roof without these instructions escaped him; Hikaru passed this hallway every day and never gave it a second thought until today. The service elevator was secluded, the only thing on the hallway. Hikaru looked around as he stepped out onto the roof and spotted Tamaki fairly quickly, sitting with his back against the ledge, staring off into the distance. Hikaru watched him sadly for a moment before setting the costume down and approaching him.

"Hey, Boss," he said, and Tamaki jumped at the sound, clearly not the voice he'd been expecting. "Kyoya-senpai said I'd find you up here," Hikaru explained.

Tamaki nodded, looking away as Hikaru lowered himself to the ground next to him.

"Are you okay, Boss?" Hikaru asked him, and Tamaki shook his head but said nothing. "Tamaki," Hikaru said gently. "Haruhi told me you came and talked to her last night. I'm glad."

"Did she tell you what else I said?" Tamaki asked softly.

Hikaru nodded solemnly.

"I have a week," Tamaki whispered brokenly. "I can't do this. At least when she brought me here, I knew I was helping my mother. That's the only reason I could stand it, I knew my mother would be safe as long as I did what she wanted. Now she's taking me away for nothing. Hikaru, I can't do this."

Tears rolled freely down Tamaki's face, and Hikaru wiped a few of them away gently. "You'll find a way, Tamaki," Hikaru said softly. "If I know anything about you, it's that you will always find a way to keep going, Tamaki. It's what we all love about you."

"Hikaru," Tamaki said. "It's nice to see that you all have so much faith in me. But I don't think I'll be getting out of this with any sanity intact."

There was a pause before Tamaki pulled out his phone, dialing quickly with his trembling fingers and putting it to his ear.

"Kyoya," he said. "I'm not coming to Club today. I'm sorry, I know today's a big day, but I can't," he said desperately, his voice breaking. "Kyoya, I know you're mad, and you have every right to be. I'll explain later. Just tell the girls I'm sick or something. I'm sorry."

"Kyoya doesn't know yet?" Hikaru asked incredulously as Tamaki hung up.

Tamaki shook his head. "You and Haruhi are the only ones I've told," he said. "I suppose I'll have to tell the others soon." He groaned, bringing his knees up to his chest and burying his face in his hands. "Hunny-senpai's going to cry," he said miserably.

"Kaoru probably will too," Hikaru said. "Sorry, I know that didn't help."

Tamaki shook his head. "I'll tell them today," he said. "I'll have to, I have to tell Kyoya at the very least, and I may as well tell everyone else so I won't have to say it again. After Club, I'll tell them."

Hikaru nodded. "Do you want me to stay up here with you?"

Tamaki shook his head sadly. "You should get back to Club," he said. "There's no reason for Kyoya to be mad at both of us. Besides, I'd like to be alone for a while."

"Okay Boss," Hikaru said softly. "I'll see you later."

Hikaru stood slowly and made his way back inside, back to the music room, where the guests had just finished filing in and were getting settled. He caught sight of Kaoru, at their usual table, awaiting his arrival. He met Kaoru's eyes, but first made his way over to Kyoya.

"It's not his fault, Kyoya-senpai," Hikaru whispered. "Trust me. You'll understand when he tells you."

Kyoya nodded, not looking up from the book he was constantly writing in.

"I'm sorry," Hikaru said. "I tried."

"Don't worry about it, Hikaru," Kyoya said, still writing. "I'm sure he has a good excuse."

"He does," Hikaru assured him.

"Go help Kaoru."

Hikaru nodded and walked over to where his brother was sitting, talking to the girls and looking distraught. He looked up when Hikaru approached.

"Hikaru!" Kaoru cried when he reached the couch. "Where _were_ you? I was so worried!"

"Oh, Kaoru," Hikaru said, joining into his brother's charade effortlessly. "I never meant to upset you. I'll never leave your side again," he said, taking his brother in his arms.

"Oh Hikaru!" Kaoru said as the girls shrieked their approval.

Kyoya rolled his eyes. At least Hikaru had managed to make an entrance. That big blonde goofball had a lot of explaining to do. Kyoya set his book aside and closed his laptop, pinching the bridge of his nose. He could feel the migraine threatening to build, as of yet a throbbing in the back of his head, and now he only desperately hoped it would stay there; chastising Tamaki would be easier if Tamaki wasn't pitying him.

The girls screamed again, and Kyoya cringed slightly. Damn the twins for being so good at this. He sighed, opening his laptop again, redoubling his focus on the Club's finances. After what felt like only a few minutes (but must have been longer, as the room was quieter now) the numbers began to blur together, and he sighed in frustration, massaging his temples.

A cool hand found its way to the base of his neck, and Kyoya relaxed slightly.

"Club's over, Mommy."

Kyoya said nothing.

"I'm sorry."

"Start talking, Daddy," Kyoya said impatiently.

Tamaki hesitated. When he sniffled, Kyoya looked up. The others were standing around them, all awaiting Tamaki's response, and after a moment, it seemed that it wouldn't come.

"My grandmother's taking me away," Tamaki said finally. "A week from yesterday. And she's withdrawing financial support from my mother."

Any argument Kyoya had prepared was lost with this statement. "Tamaki," he said softly. Tamaki threw himself into Kyoya's arms, sobbing, and Kyoya stumbled backward, but held him gently. "Easy, Tamaki," he said soothingly. "Calm down."

"I can't do this," Tamaki sobbed as Kyoya half-carried him to the nearest couch. "Kyoya, I can't do this. I can't let her leave my mother to die, but there's nothing I can do. My father's tried everything, he can't get around her. I only came here to help her, and now I can't even see her before she dies."

Tamaki was approaching hysterics. As predicted, tears were running silently down Hunny's face, and Hikaru wrapped his arms around Kaoru as his breath hitched with sobs as well. Haruhi approached the couch slowly, sitting on Tamaki's other side and placing a hand on his shoulder. Kyoya rubbed his back slowly in a vain attempt to soothe him.

"I can't just pack up and leave again," Tamaki said. "I can't leave the Host Club, or all of you, or my father. I can't do this."

It was nearly an hour of sobbing into Kyoya's chest before Tamaki began to settle down.

"I'm sorry I skipped Club today," he said miserably, pulling away from Kyoya, knowing he was uncomfortable with the prolonged intimate contact, but Kyoya made no attempt to further the distance between them, as he normally would have.

"Don't worry about it," Kyoya said.

"I don't think I'll be back again before I leave," Tamaki said, and the pain in his voice was unbearable. He swallowed hard and forced a deep breath before continuing. "There are a lot of arrangements that need to be made."

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

I get the feeling that ending this chapter here will leave me with a hoard of angry Fanfic readers to deal with, but oh well. I'm prepared for the torches and pitchforks.


	18. Far Away From Home

Another very short chapter. And a very sad chapter. I'd planned on having this up a couple days ago, sorry about that.

There's a fair amount of French dialogue in this chapter, and the translations are located in the closing Author's Notes.

This chapter's title song is _Far Away From Home_ by Groove Coverage.

I do not own Ouran.

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Three days remained until Tamaki's departure, and the most difficult decision of all was now to be made. The music room was a desolate place this afternoon, only six of the seven Hosts present for their planning session. The sole point on today's agenda was a melancholy one: debating the continuation of the Host Club without its King.

"We can't do this without Tamaki," Kaoru said, defeated.

"We can't shut down the Club," Haruhi said firmly. "It would kill him."

"Haruhi's right," Hikaru said. "Tamaki would want us to keep it going."

"I have to agree with Kao-chan," Hunny said remorsefully. "Tama-chan is what makes this club work. We can't keep this up without him. We just can't. As much as I hate the idea of shutting down the Host Club, and as much as I hate the idea of upsetting Tama-chan more, I don't think we have much choice."

"Kyoya?" Mori said, looking to the Shadow King. "You're vice president, the final decision is yours."

Kyoya placed his clipboard down and took a deep breath. A single tear fell from his eyes, and he wiped it away hurriedly.

"Kyo-chan," Hunny said softly.

"I'm going to miss him," Kyoya said. "He drives me up the wall sometimes, but I can't _stand_ the idea of him leaving." He paused for a moment, apparently collecting his thoughts. Finally, he spoke again. "You're both right," he said. "Shutting down the Club would shut down any shred of hope Tamaki's managed to hold on to. But we can't keep it going without him, for multiple reasons. It wouldn't be the same without his extravagance, and I think I speak for all of us when I say I don't think I'd be able to stand it. Truth be told, either way we lose. Whether we keep the Club going without him or shut it down, it will be a constant reminder that he's gone." Another pause, longer this time. "I think it will be easier if we dissolve once the school year is out," he said, his voice pained. "I'm sorry, guys."

"I think you're right, Kyoya," Haruhi said. "And I'm sure Tamaki will understand."

"I'll tell him tonight," Kyoya said, fighting the tears threatening to join the one that had already betrayed him.

"No need, _mon ami_."

Kyoya looked up, startled, to see Tamaki himself standing in the doorway, looking thoroughly exhausted. "How long have you been standing there?" Kyoya asked.

"I heard your whole speech," Tamaki said, his voice flat. His face was paler than usual, with a slight grayish tinge, making him appear terribly ill. The distraught look in his eyes was marred by fatigue.

"Tamaki," Kyoya said, concerned. "You look awful."

Tamaki gave a weak chuckle. "Thanks," he said as Kyoya approached him. "I've been busy, and stressed out, and I haven't slept in a few days," he said. "Insomnia's a bitch."

"Tell me about it," Kyoya said with a sad smile.

There was a pause.

"I came to say goodbye," Tamaki said, his voice quivering, hinting at the tears he was too exhausted to give, couldn't give, as they had been spent over the last few days. "We're leaving tomorrow. She managed to find an earlier flight."

Kyoya immediately pulled Tamaki into a tight hug, which Tamaki returned the best he could.

"_Je t'aime_," Kyoya whispered. "_Je t'aime tont, avec toute de mon coeur_. _C'est seulment avec vous que je suis encore entier suffit d'aimer."_

"_Je t'aime aussi_," Tamaki assured him. "_Je ne vous oublier jamais, mon __précieux__ami_."

Finally the two of them drew apart, and Tamaki headed next for Haruhi.

"Haruhi," he said sadly. "_Mon petit rose belle_. I'm so glad you came in and broke that vase."

"Me too," Haruhi said, eyes sparkling with tears as Tamaki took her in his arms.

The twins were next, and Tamaki smiled sadly. "My little devils," he said, hugging Kaoru first before turning to Hikaru. He pressed his lips softly to Hikaru's cheek as they drew apart. "Thank you," he said. "For everything, _mon cher._"

They smiled as Tamaki turned to face Hunny.

"At least _try_ to stay out of trouble, Tama-chan," Hunny said.

"I will, Hunny-senpai," Tamaki promised as the two of them drew apart.

"Tamaki," Mori said.

"I've never hugged you before," Tamaki noted. "I should fix that."

Mori chuckled sadly as he wrapped his arms around Tamaki.

"You take care of her," Tamaki whispered. "I wouldn't leave her with anyone else."

"I will, Tamaki," Mori assured him.

"Well," Tamaki said, walking back toward the door. "I guess that's it then."

"Goodbye, Tama-chan."

"Goodbye," Tamaki said, his voice softer than he would have liked thanks to the tight lump in his throat. He pulled the doors closed and headed toward the parking lot, tears pricking again at his exhausted eyes.

_What if I walk without you? What if I ran without you? What if I stand without you? I could not go on. What if I live without you? What if I love without you? What if I die without you? I could not go on. You left my side tonight and I just don't feel right. But I can't let you out of sight. Without you I'm no one, I'm nothing at all. What if I lie without you? And what if I rise without you? And what if I dream without you? I could not go on. You left my side tonight and I just don't feel right. But I can't let you out of sight. Without you I'm no one, I'm nothing at all. _

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

Ok so I cried while I was writing this. Pathetic, right?

I can't give anything away, so all I can say is _**KEEP READING PLEASE**_. I know as of right now, this story SUCKS. _IT GETS BETTER I PROMISE__._

**Rough French translations:**

_Je t'aime tont, avec toute de mon coeur_. _C'est seulment avec vous que je suis encore entier suffit d'aimer_ = I love you so much, with all my heart. It is only with you that I am even whole enough to love.

_Je t'aime aussi_. _Je ne vous oublier jamais, mon__précieux__ ami_ = I love you too. I will never forget you, my dear friend.

_Mon petit rose belle _= My lovely little rose

_Mon cher_ = My dear.

All French is courtesy of Google Translate, my very limited French grammar skills and **much** tweaking from LifelessStar. **I ****LOVE**** YOU CHICA :)!**

Song: _Without You_ by Three Days Grace (and again thank you to LifelessStar for introducing me to the wonder of Three Days Grace and dragging me to their concert where I was horribly sunburnt)


	19. Airplanes

Yay, semi-fast update!

Okay, so I promised that things would get better in this story, and they will, I was not lying, I swear. They just don't get better in this chapter. Well, kind of. But it's really the next chapter and the one after that where things start to turn around.

Anyway. Read on, my lovelies!

I still don't own Ouran ):

This chapter's song is _Airplanes_ by B.o.B. and Haley Williams.

**_XxXxXxXxXxXxX_**

Tamaki looked up as there was a knock on his bedroom door. He walked over and opened it, coming face to face with his grandmother. She pushed him aside and stepped in, her eyes roving the room in disgust.

"Can I help you?" Tamaki asked politely.

"Spare me the pleasantries, boy," she said. "I presume you're packed?"

"Yes, ma'am," Tamaki said, indicating the suitcases and boxes on his bed.

"Then come," she said. "You're driving us to the airport."

"Oh," Tamaki said. "I didn't know I was going to be driving."

"Well you are," his grandmother snapped. "Now come downstairs."

"Yes, ma'am," he said, reaching for his backpack as the butler and a few of the maids came in to help with the rest of his things. "Thank you," he said to them as he shouldered his bag and followed his grandmother out and down the stairs. His father was waiting for them in the living room.

"You're sure this is necessary?" the chairman said to his mother as the two of them walked in.

She nodded curtly. "Something must be done about the boy's behaviour, and you seem incapable of doing it yourself."

"At least don't ask him to drive," Yuzuru nearly begged. "You know he hasn't been sleeping lately, courtesy of your insane demands."

"It's okay, Dad," Tamaki said softly.

The chairman took his son into a tight hug, which Tamaki returned fully. "I'm so sorry, Tamaki," the chairman whispered. "I'll have you back here as soon as I can."

"It's fine, Dad," Tamaki said, and the words sounded hollow even in his own ears. "Really."

They drew apart as the butler returned from placing the suitcases in Tamaki's car.

"Come, boy."

"I'm coming," Tamaki said, and then turned back to his father. "Good-bye, Dad," he said, fighting the tears that pricked at his exhausted eyes.

"Good-bye, Tamaki," said the chairman.

Tamaki walked into the garage and got into his car, where his grandmother was already waiting, and placed his backpack in the back seat. He started the car wordlessly and drove off.

His grandmother spoke first. "I hope you've said goodbye to your _friends_," she said contemptuously.

"I have," Tamaki said. "And you'll be pleased to know they plan to discontinue the Host Club once the school year ends this month."

"Good," she said with a smug smile.

Tamaki bit back a rude comment, his eyes on the road. It was starting to rain, hard.

"I think you'll find you're better off without them," she said with a sickening, mock-kind tone. "Especially that Fujioka girl."

"I'm sorry if you don't agree," Tamaki said, "but Haruhi is a wonderful young lady."

"No girl with good intentions spends that much time around a bunch of attractive young men."

Tamaki drew a deep breath to steady himself.

"Why are you driving so slowly?"

"Driving in the rain rather frightens me," Tamaki said, still flawlessly polite. "And, as my father told you, I'm very tired."

"Well then you should be more eager to get it over with," his grandmother snapped. "We'll miss our flight at this rate."

"Yes ma'am," Tamaki said, accelerating to just under the speed limit.

"Where did you find those friends of yours?" she asked. "The whole lot of them are so...I don't even know where to begin."

"You'll stop insulting my friends," Tamaki said.

"You'll have some respect, boy."

"You'll earn it first."

There was a stony silence.

"Well," the woman said as Tamaki pulled to a stop at a red light. "It's a good thing you're coming to live with me. You'll learn some manners yet. We'll fix where your harlot mother went wrong."

"Take it back."

"Face it, boy, your mother is a filthy whore. Sexually transmitted diseases, how else do you explain her health? And it's been said that young men are attracted to women similar to their mothers, I suppose that explains your choice with Fujioka."

Tamaki forced a deep breath and held it for a moment, exhaling slowly as the light turned green and he started moving again.

_**XxXxX**_

Haruhi looked up as the house phone rang, but her father got to it first and she turned back to her homework. After few moments, however, her father appeared in her bedroom doorway, looking shaken.

"What's wrong, Dad?" she asked anxiously.

"It's Tamaki's father," he said. "He'd like to talk to you."

She took the phone curiously, putting it to her ear.

"Mr. Suoh?" she said.

"Haruhi," Yuzuru said urgently. "I need your help. There's been a car accident, and Tamaki...he's okay, but I need somewhere for him to stay tonight. His grandmother was badly hurt, they don't expect her to make it, so I need to stay here tonight, and I don't want Tamaki alone when he's this upset. I'm afraid he might..." the chairman trailed off, apparently unable to finish the sentence.

"I understand, Mr. Suoh," Haruhi said.

"Thank you Haruhi," the chairman said gratefully. "Thank you."

She hung up the phone and went to the kitchen to put it away, her father following.

"Get dressed," he said. "Or do you not mind going to pick him up in your pajamas?"

"I don't care," Haruhi said, tears coming to her eyes. "Let's just go, please."

Her father placed a hand on her shoulder, walking her out to the car.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

This chapter's all done.

Please review, guys (:


	20. One Hand In My Pocket

It's been a while since I updated, sorry about that. I kind of forgot this story existed for a while. I have up through chapter 26 written and I have for a long time, but I keep forgetting to update. I'm so sorry!

This chapter's title song is _One Hand In My Pocket_ by Alanis Morisstte.

I do not own Ouran High School Host Club

_**XxXxXxXxXxX**_

"Tamaki," Chairman Suoh said urgently, rushing to his son's side in the hospital room, gripping his shoulders. "Tamaki, are you alright?"

Tamaki blinked, and turned to face his father. After a moment, he said, "I'm fine."

"He'll be alright," said the doctor. "Mild concussion. Keep an eye on him tonight, wake him up every couple of hours just to make sure he's okay. He'll be fine. He's free to go if you want to take him home."

Tamaki's father nodded as the doctor left the room. Then he spoke again to his son.

"Tamaki," he said. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure," Tamaki said. "We were just driving, and it started raining pretty hard, and then I guess another car hit us, I more heard it than saw it. My head hit the window and I blacked out for a little, and when I woke up there were ambulances and police cars everywhere, and Grandmother-"

Tamaki broke off, suddenly frantic. "Where is she?" he said. "It hit her side."

"She's here," his father said grimly. "I was going to see her once I knew you were okay. But...it doesn't look good for her. They don't expect her to make it."

Tears came to Tamaki's eyes. "Let me see her," he whispered, desperation shining clear through ever syllable. "I have to apologize. Please."

His father sighed, but led him to the woman's room. She was lying motionless in the bed, staring at the ceiling, strung up with countless wires and IV's. Tamaki approached her slowly.

"Grandmother?" he said quietly. She turned her head slightly in his direction, and then scowled.

"What do you want, boy?" she asked, her usual contemptuous tone diluted some.

"I'm so sorry," Tamaki said. "About everything. I never meant-"

"Save it for someone who cares boy. Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better, but I ask you not to lie to me."

"I'm not lying," Tamaki said desperately. "I'm being honest, Grandmother, I'm sorry."

She scoffed, looking away. Tamaki turned back to his father, tears in his eyes.

"You're an interesting creature, Mother," the chairman said. "He's never been anything less than polite to you, yet you say he lacks manners. And now he comes in, sincerely, to give you the apology you don't deserve, and you accuse him of lying to you, and brush him off. I'm not sure what you want from him. Maybe it's best he stay here, where he knows what's expected of him."

The chairman turned to face his son, walking him into the waiting room.

"Are you alright, Tamaki?" he asked.

"I think so," Tamaki said shakily, still teary.

"Haruhi and her father are on their way. You'll be staying with them tonight."

Tamaki nodded just as the emergency room door opened and Haruhi and her father entered, right on cue, and spoke to the receptionist. She pointed over to Tamaki, and Haruhi thanked her and ran over, throwing her arms around him.

"Are you alright?" she asked anxiously as her father approached them.

"I'm fine, Haruhi," he said tearfully. She pulled away and looked up at him, concerned.

"He's not hurt," the chairman explained. "Not physically anyway. His grandmother, on the other hand..."

Haruhi nodded, hugging Tamaki again. Tears rolled down Tamaki's face. After a moment, Haruhi pulled away, saying, "C'mon, Tamaki. Let's go."

"I'll see you in the morning, son," said the chairman as they walked out the door.

Tamaki slid into the back seat of the car with Haruhi, Ranka sliding into the driver's seat and heading off. They were silent until they reached the apartment, at which point Ranka turned around and said, "Tamaki, are you sure you're alright?"

Tamaki nodded mutely.

Not at all convinced, Ranka turned to Haruhi. "Take him inside, I'll go get us some dinner. Pizza sound good?"

"Yeah," she said. "Just cheese though, Tamaki doesn't like pepperoni."

"Got it," said Ranka. "I'll see you two soon."

Haruhi opened her door and stepped out, waiting for Tamaki. He got out slowly, taking her hand as they headed for the apartment.

"I'm not hungry, Haruhi," he said.

"I don't care," she said. "I'll force feed you if I have to. Food will help with the shock."

Tamaki said nothing. She led him into the apartment, pulling him over to the couch to sit down. She kept hold of his hand, stroking it consolingly with her thumb. Eventually he spoke.

"I was driving," he told her. "During the crash."

Haruhi groaned sympathetically, wrapping her arms around him again. "Tamaki," she said.

"The doctors don't expect her to make it through the night," Tamaki went on, holding Haruhi gently, more for his own comfort than hers. She rested her head on his chest as he began to cry again.

"It's not your fault," Haruhi said gently. "You're a good driver, and you're even more careful in the rain, I've seen it. The other car hit you. It could have happened to anyone, Tamaki. It's not your fault."

Tamaki tried to believe her, but the ache in his heart refused to lessen.

"I'm sorry," he said abruptly, pulling away, the contact suddenly making him feel almost ill. He stood and walked quickly to the window, staring out at the street. Haruhi joined him.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

Tamaki hesitated. "No," he said. "No I'm not."

She took his hand, and he squeezed her hand tightly, letting the tears fall.

After a moment, she pulled away, saying, "I'll be right back."

She vanished for a moment and reappeared carrying her iPod and a speaker. She set it up and pressed play, holding her hands out for Tamaki.

"Dance with me," she said.

Tamaki smiled slightly, taking her hands as they danced a foolish, energetic sort of tango that more or less fit the song.

_I can dim the lights and sing you a song full of sad things, we can do the tango just for two. I can serenade and gently play on your heartstrings, be a Valentino just for you. Oooh, love, oooh, Loverboy, whatcha doin tonight? Set my alarm, turn on my charm, that's because I'm a good old-fashioned Loverboy. I'd like for you and I to go romancing, say the word your wish is my command. Oooh, love, oooh, Loverboy, whatcha doin tonight? Write my letter, feel much better, use my fancy patter on the telephone. When I'm not with you, I think of you always. I miss you. When I'm not with you, think of me always, I love you. Hey boy, where'd you get it from, hey boy where did you go? I learned my passion in the good old-fashioned school of Loverboys. _

"This song reminds me of the Host Club," Tamaki said as they stopped dancing.

"That's why I picked it," Haruhi said, smiling. "I've been meaning to play it for you for a while but I kept forgetting. Do you like it?"

"Very much," he said. Then he sighed. "Does it make me a horrible person to be thinking right now, 'hey maybe this means I don't have to go live with her'?"

"I hope not," Haruhi said as the song drew to a close. "Because I was thinking much the same thing."

Tamaki smiled sadly as the two began to sway slowly to a more mellow song.

"I feel like I should feel worse about this," he said.

"You shouldn't," Haruhi said. "She's a horrible person. And it's not your fault."

Tamaki fell silent. After a moment, he said, "I'm paying you back for the pizza."

"Don't bother," Haruhi said.

"I am."

"Fine," Haruhi sighed.

Tamaki smiled. "And I quite like your pajama pants, Haruhi," he said. "The penguins suit you."

"Shut up," Haruhi said, burying her face in his chest.

"There's not need to hide your face, Haruhi. I can _hear_ you blushing."

Haruhi laughed as the front door opened and her father walked in with the food. She walked into the kitchen, Tamaki following. The two came back into the living room and ate in silence until Haruhi rose from her seat and put in _Good Will Hunting_. Within minutes of finishing his food, however, Tamaki was nodding off, leaning against the arm of the couch.

"Tamaki," Haruhi admonished gently. "Lie down, you'll be more comfortable."

"M'fine," Tamaki murmured, opening his eyes.

Haruhi rolled her eyes. "Tamaki," she said firmly, gripping his shoulders and gently forcing him to lie down. He grumbled softly, and she smiled. "I know you're tired," she said. "Get some sleep."

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

You like how I brought back the penguins? Tehehe.

Anyway, thanks for reading! I love you guys!

Song: _Good Old-Fashioned Loverboy_ by Queen


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